I get up on shaky legs and walk to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I turn on the light and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
The gunshot rings through my head and I see Henry fall to the ground… Elizabeth’s father killed him when he was trying to rescue her from the cellar.
How can that be?
I put my head into my hands as my face screws up in pain. I weep for Alchron and for Henry and I now know why I only remember those two lives.
Alastar died before me in those two lives.
He sacrificed his life twice for me and I remember—I remember how painful it was.
Sadness falls over me.
This is why he worries about me.
This is why he has to control all things in his environment because he has no control over the shadow of fate. His anxiety is borne from a fear of the future. He’s scared of watching me die and not being abled to stop it.
I walk into the dark bathroom and turn on the shower. I hop under the hot water in shock and allow myself to weep.
* * *
I sit on the bench seat in the early morning fog. The sun is just coming up over the trees and I face the water as I watch the ducks and birds. The large trees hang over the grassed clearing, creating a canopy. Ashford Castle is a magical place and I have no doubt that I have sat in this exact position whilst thinking before. I feel like every thought is an awakening, every memory a trigger to another. Knowledge is simmering under the surface. I only have to scratch to reveal it.
I’ve been here before. I can feel it so deep within my soul.
I haven’t slept but I’m not tired. I’m focused on the job at hand. I just have to get through today.
I feel him before I see him and I look toward the hovering fog beneath the trees as he comes into sight. I smile softly as my heart flutters because he is just so…
Stop it.
His eyes search mine and I know that he knows.
“Hello.”
His deep husky accent makes me smile. “Hello, Twinkle.”
He stands next to the seat as if sensing my inner turmoil. I pat the chair next to me and he sits in silence, picking up my hand to take it in his.
I swallow the roughness in my throat because I honestly don’t know if I can make the words leave my lips. I can already feel the tears forming but I have to stop. I have to get through this.
I turn to him and kiss his hand that is in mine. “What a brave beautiful man you are.” I smile.
He raises a brow in question. “Are you okay, my love?” he asks.
I nod and my eyes hold his. “I can’t marry you today, Twinkle.”
His eyes stay fixed on mine. “Why?”
“I know about the curse,” I whisper as the pain starts to close over my throat
He frowns. “How?”
“I found a letter yesterday in the library that you wrote to me after my last death.”
“What letter? I didn’t write a letter.”
I smile softly. “Its okay, you may not remember writing it. But it is what it is.”
He frowns as he thinks.
I kiss the back of his hand. “You know how much I love you?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t,” he whispers.
“I can’t let you go through this again.” I smile through tears.
“Emmaline,” his voice croaks in panic. “What are you talking about?”
“You lose me in every life and yet you still find me.” Pain lances my chest as the reality of the situation hits home. “Why?” I whisper.
“I would search for you forever for even one day of your love.”
I screw up my face as the tears form. “I can’t do this to you, baby,” I whisper.
He pulls my face into his and we kiss gently through my tears.
“I can’t let you go through every life in fear,” I whisper. “I’m not doing this to you again.”
He starts to shake his head frantically. “No, no, no, Em.”
“We can break this curse, Alastar.” My eyes search his. His nostrils flare as he tries desperately to hold in his tears. “No, I can’t do it. I can’t let you go.”
I want to howl to the moon and he pulls our heads together so our foreheads touch.
“The plan that you had was for us to spend a life apart to try and break this curse?” I ask.
His eyes drop to the floor and he nods once.
“We are going to do it,” I whisper. “We have to try.” I shake my head. “I am leaving to go back to Australia this afternoon.”
His eyes fill with tears this time and I run my hand through his stubble as I stare into his beautiful face.
He pulls me into an embrace and we stay in each other’s arms for an extended time and my chest starts to wrack with tears.
He shakes his head angrily. “No.” He stands. “No. I’m not letting you go.”
“You have no choice.” I stand with renewed purpose. “The decision has been made.”
“By you.” he snaps.
I nod. “Yes.”
His eyes ignite with fury. “Why do you think I came back for Emmaline?”
I frown. “Because you couldn’t stay away,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “No.”
I frown.
“I made a conscious decision to come back.”
I frown.
“I came to the realization. What point is life if you are constantly scared of dying?”