He releases a heavy exhale. “I want us to be able to move forward without the house holding us back.”
His roundabout answer does nothing to stop my chest from caving in on itself. Each breath becomes impossible, the tightness in my lungs making them burn with every inhale.
I carry on, my face a mask of cool indifference despite the constant throb of my heart. “What if I want to keep it?”
His fingers tense against his thighs. “Lana…” He whispers my name as if I’m hurting him on some fundamental level, when I know that isn’t the case.
I’m the one who is hurting.
I’m the one who gets to be mad.
And I’m the one who is going to walk away this time. Not because of his addiction, but rather because of who he is regardless of the drinking. Selfish. Self-centered. Self-destructive.
My fingers press into my thighs. “What if it makes me happy to keep the house? After all, I always dreamed of raising a family there. I wanted to enjoy summers by the lake, baking and building ships and swimming with the kids until their limbs cramp up.”
I can see the future so clearly, it takes the pain in my chest and multiplies it by a hundred. Because even after all the lies, I want that future with Cal.
You wanted that future with Cal. There’s a past tense for a reason, so start using it.
God. I’m so stupid.
“Why that house?” His voice cracks.
“Because it’s ours. You might want to forget about all the history there, but I don’t. And in the end, you running from a house won’t solve anything when the real thing you’re running from is yourself.”
“Where is all this coming from?” He looks over at me with wild eyes reflecting exactly how he feels about the inheritance.
Desperate.
For once, we’re on the same page. Because I feel desperate too. Desperate for him to tell the truth. Desperate for me to stay strong despite the urge to crumble beside him. Desperate for us not to lose everything we have built, even if it was built on a lie.
“Did your grandfather leave you an inheritance?” I ask point-blank.
“Yes.” Cal does a good job keeping his expression flat, although the twitch of his fingers gives him away.
“He asked you to sell the house,” I say with certainty.
One single nod makes my heart explode. Like a bomb, it detonates, blowing up any chance of me ever trusting another word that comes out of his mouth.
I already knew the truth, but having it confirmed destroys whatever bit of calm I had left.
“I see.” My tongue scrapes against the roof of my mouth.
“How did you find out?” he rasps.
“I overheard your conversation after dinner. Someone left the window open…” A bitter laugh crawls up my throat, making my ears ache from the shrill sound.
“Whatever you heard, it’s not what you think.” He stumbles over the words.
“Of course it’s not,” I reply sarcastically. “Either way, I contacted the real estate agent and told him to lower the listing price. He said it’s only a matter of time before someone puts an offer in.”
“You did what?” His voice comes out low, his anger dripping from each syllable.
I stand and brush the dirt off my leggings. “Congratulations, Cal. Hope the twenty-five billion keeps you company at night, because I sure as hell won’t.” When I turn to walk away, Cal bolts to his feet and latches on to my hand, preventing me from leaving.
“Let me explain.”
“What for? It’s not like I trust a single thing that comes out of your mouth.” I rip my hand from his grasp, nearly yanking my arm out of its socket in the process.
His fingers curl into a fist. “I couldn’t tell you about the will.”
“Why not?”
His head drops. “Because Grandpa told me not to.”
“Since when do you listen to what people tell you to do? The Cal I knew and fell in love with would have told me about the will. Regardless of who said what, he would have been honest. Forthcoming. Sincere. He would have reasoned with me rather than gone behind my back, using my love for my daughter to work in his favor.”
He flinches.
There isn’t a single thing I wouldn’t have done for Cal if he had asked me rather than lied, including selling the house.
He takes a deep breath. “There was a lot riding on my secrecy.”
“Not nearly as much as what was riding on your honesty.” In an act of betrayal, the tears I have fought appear, turning my vision blurry.
He pulls me into an embrace. “I’m so fucking sorry, Lana. I swear I wanted to tell you, but the decision wasn’t up to me.” His voice shakes, matching the trembling of his arms locked around me.
If this is the last hug I am going to get from him, then I might as well enjoy it. I lean into his touch, taking a deep breath of his scent, memorizing the notes of citrus and something distinctly him.
My ear presses against his chest. I listen to the sound of his erratic heartbeat and allow the steady thump to ground me.
I trace over the spot above his heart with my index finger. “Did you even want to get sober or were you also just doing that as part of the will?”
“What did you say?” His grasp slips before he corrects himself, securing me to his chest like he is afraid I might run off if he doesn’t.
My fingers dig into his shirt, clasping on to the fabric. “Was this all some intricate plan to get me to let my guard down and sell the house faster?”
“What? No. Why would you even…” His brows tug together before they rise to his hairline. “The conversation outside. Shit—” He pulls back.
“Forget I asked. I don’t care.”
“I care.”
My eyes shut from the pain slicing through my heart. I want to believe him. I really do. Yet I’m not sure I will ever be able to again. He has too much at stake that is contingent on my compliance. With the kind of pressure he is under, I’m sure he might say anything to make sure I don’t back out of the plan to sell the house.
I won’t. Whatever dreams I had about the home aren’t worth the heartache attached to the man who owns half of it.
I push against his chest. It’s a weak shove, but he releases me regardless.
“I want you gone from the guesthouse before I wake up in the morning.” My voice cracks toward the end.
His frown deepens. “We can work this out together. Just let me get help and we—”
“There is no we. You made sure of that the moment you decided to lie to my face repeatedly, making me believe in some fantasy that wasn’t even real.”
To his credit, he takes my blow without blinking. “What we have is real.”
“Yeah, a real mistake. And one I don’t plan on repeating with you ever again.”
He recoils as if I physically hit him.
I turn and leave before I lose my nerve. Cal remains at the end of the dock, his eyes burning a hole into my back as I walk away. Each step feels as if I am traveling through quicksand. My legs barely cooperate as I leave behind the only man I ever truly loved.