“Okay, I mean as long as you’re okay with it.”
“I’ll never be okay with you seeing him, Ax.” I grip my phone tighter. “As far as I’m concerned, he’ll never be good enough for you.”
“You say that about every guy I date.”
“It’s true. You deserve so much more.”
“Like who?” she whispers.
My breath catches in my throat. She’s asking. I could just say it. I could say, “Like me.” I open my mouth, but the words stick in my throat. “Not sure anyone out there is good enough.” Not even me, but that doesn’t keep me from hoping.
“Oh.”
I pinch closed my eyes and wish I could knee myself in the balls for being such a *.
“Okay, Kill. I should get some sleep. See you tomorrow.”
“G’night.”
She hangs up, and I sit staring at the wall with the phone still pressed to my ear.
It’s time you start seeing things that are right in front of your face.
Ryder’s words flood my mind, and I wonder if he’s right. I’ve been living in a fantasy world with Axelle for so long I’ve convinced myself of things that may not exist.
How much longer will I go on like this? She’ll get married, have kids, and I’ll be sitting here on my ass, having passed up all my opportunities at happiness. Then I’ll get the privilege of watching her live happily while I drown miserably in my own regret.
Nine
Killian
No sooner does the door from my last class close behind me than I hear someone call my name. I turn to see Brynn wave and speed-walk toward me.
She’s a tiny thing, can’t be more than five-foot-two, which puts me a whole foot taller. Her pale green shirt sets off her red hair and hangs loose over a pair of tight jeans. Without sunglasses, I can see her eyes are almost the same color as her shirt.
“Sorry to bug you.” Looking up at me, she squints into the sun. “Do you have a sec?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
She chews her lip and her eyes shift off mine. “You haven’t called.”
I’m an ass. “Right, uh, about that—”
“It’s okay. It’s just… I started thinking about the way we kinda roped you into the whole triple-date thing, and I wanted you to know that if you don’t want to do this you’re totally off the hook.” Her bright eyes peer up at me, and if I’m not mistaken, I see hope reflected there.
“That’s alright, I’m, um…” This is good. I need to just do it. It’s only one date. “I’m happy to go.”
Her eyebrows pop. “Really?”
I chuckle at her shock. “Well, yeah, of course.”
She exhales and grins. “Okay, great. So I guess I’ll just wait for your call?”
“I’ll call you tonight, if that’s okay.”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
I point over my shoulder at no one. “I’ll talk to Ryder and Theo, figure out what the plan is first.”
She nods vigorously.
“Hey, Kill.” Axelle comes up next to me, grinning. “You ready?”
Brynn’s excitement drains from her face. A flash of irritation fires within me, and it’s aimed at Axelle, which makes no sense.
Axelle’s eyes move between Brynn and me. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I interrupt?” She sounds genuinely apologetic.
I clear my throat. “Brynn, this is my friend Axelle.”
“Nice to meet you,” Brynn says politely with a hint of relief in her voice.
“Nice to meet you too.” Axelle swings her gaze to mine. “I can grab a table if you guys aren’t finished.”
Brynn steps back. “Oh, no—”
“That’d be great.” I step closer to Brynn. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
Axelle’s eyes flash with hurt, but she shakes it off and aims a polite smile at the girl. “It was nice to meet you, Brynn.” She doesn’t even look at me and heads toward the café.
Brynn rolls her lips between her teeth, and rather than continue to stand in the awkward silence, I push through it.
“So it’s decided. I’ll talk to the guys and call you tonight, only”—I rub the back of my neck—“could I get your number one more time?”
She lifts a speculative brow. “You lost it.”
More like I never took it. “I did.” I take my phone from my pocket and pull up my contacts. “Here.” She enters all her info, and when she’s done, I fire off a quick text to her. “And now you have mine.”
“Okay, so, I look forward to your call.”
“Right, yeah.” Before I can think too hard about it, I reach over, hook her behind the neck, and pull her to my chest for a hug. God, the top of her head comes to my nipple, and as good as her female curves feel against me, she doesn’t have the same fit I have with Axelle.
I drop my hand and step away. “Talk to you tonight.”
Her cheeks flush pink and she takes off to class. I turn to watch her melt into the crowd, my gaze tracking her tiny hips and tight little body, and feeling not even a hint of the zip I feel just being near Axelle.
I turn away, grinning at what a hopeless wreck I am, and catch Axelle staring right at me from across the quad, her jaw clenched.
Yeah, how does it feel, sweetheart?
And although I shouldn’t, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach.
*
Axelle