It was a desperate kiss, a hopeless kiss. My addiction to her lips was so obvious and unruly. Maybe it was our last kiss, so I had to make it count.
I managed a few seconds before Winter broke it off. She clawed at my chest and pushed me away. Then her hand swung and slapped my face.
It stung. It surprised me.
“Just fucking leave then,” Winter said. “I’m sorry for everything.”
My rage started to boil over. I had two choices again. I could either grab her and carry her to the bedroom, or I could really leave. Once and for all. Just be done with it. If she wasn’t going to tell me everything, what did it matter? We would both end up dead anyway.
So fuck it.
I nodded and then walked away.
I left the house and went to my car. I stood there and then swung my hand at it, hitting the side. I got in the car and started to drive.
I didn’t look back.
I was done.
And that’s when I knew what heartbreak felt like.
It didn’t feel good at all.
24.
(Winter)
He left.
He didn’t just walk away. He didn’t just leave the house. He left the house and kept going. I hurried to the kitchen window and watched him go. Pausing at his car, I feared the worst. I feared that he was going to get in the car and leave forever. That would be the death of both of us.
Tripp punched the car and walked.
I watched until he disappeared. Then I watched some more.
I had no idea what his boss had said to him. I didn’t know where Autumn was. I never had anything to do with her precious life other than carrying her in my belly and giving birth. After that she was in the arms of someone I trusted. Someone Endo trusted, too. Someone he paid to take Autumn and give her a good life.
Tears filled my eyes and I started to shake. Going back in time was not the way I intended on living my life. That meant I only had one choice.
I had to leave.
If Aldo thought Tripp was going to muscle information out of me, I had no choice. If I stayed, I was going to die. Or Stoney and the Red Aces were going to stake their claim on me. And everything had all become tied together with a neat ribbon on it, didn’t it?
In the bedroom, I ran to the box of pictures that were mostly burned. One swing of my foot sent the remaining pictures scattering. Another kick sent the bowl and the ashes floating through the air. I grabbed a bag, some clothes, and packed up.
There was only one person in this situation that deserved hell. It wasn’t me. It was Endo. For everything he’d done to me. Making me feel bad that I got pregnant. Forcing me to hide it from the world. Taking my baby away. And now, with him in a coma, I was the one who was going to pay for it.
Like hell.
It wasn’t going to be me.
It was all Endo’s fault. He and Stoney had something all worked out together. That much I could sense. That much I kind of knew. Endo kept close with certain members of the Red Aces, always telling me it was business. It was family. That I needed to keep my mouth shut.
No more.
I was gone.
With me gone, then everyone could go screw themselves. Maybe I’d eventually get caught and killed, but whatever. They’d find out that I knew nothing of Autumn. And if Tripp didn’t believe me, then what was the point of staying?
I had been thinking about leaving before. Then Rocky was killed. I thought I would have a chance to slip between the cracks and go. But then Stoney told me I was getting protection. That scared me enough to keep me here. The protection ended up being Tripp. And, yes, I started to fall in love with the man protecting me.
I wiped a tear from my cheek.
I could handle it.
I could handle the pain.
That part didn’t bother me. I had been through loss and letting go before.
I threw my bag over my shoulder and left the bedroom. My eyes saw the hole in the wall where Tripp had punched. I thought about the first night with him, getting drunk at the table. The next morning, him sleeping on the couch.
They were all memories now. They didn’t matter.
I got to the front door and opened.
Two men stood there, larger than life, meaner than a pissed off rattlesnake. They showed their teeth, then their guns.
I needed Tripp.
~
The first guy grabbed my bag and welcomed himself into my house. He unzipped it and dumped it on the floor. The second guy pulled the front door shut, his eyes locked to mine.
“Goddamn, she is pretty,” he said to me and licked his lips. “I heard her tits were great. Lift her shirt up right now. I want see them.”
“Easy now,” the other guy said. “We haven’t been properly introduced yet.”
“Get out,” I managed to say. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Shut her up,” the first guy said.
The other guy lunged at me, trying to swing his gun at me. All I could think about was Tripp though. Him telling me that we were meant to fight. That we fought our entire lives, even though we weren’t together. So I jumped back and dodged the guy swinging his gun. I brought my foot forward and kicked him in the shin. I meant to kick him in the balls but royally screwed that up.