I nod.
“He was sweet and charming and quiet, and he seemed so steady. And then I saw you. And you eclipsed the sun, Jake. You were vibrant and outgoing, and you were so strong. I thought what I wanted was strength. But it’s not. You didn’t just eclipse the sun. You eclipsed me. I could never keep up with you. You wanted action and I wanted to sleep. You wanted movement and I wanted silence. You couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t take enough breaks.”
“I resented the hell out of you then,” I admit.
She sighs. “You probably still do.”
I nod and an ironic chuckle escapes my lips. “I have lately, that’s for sure.”
“I should have told you how I felt.”
“But Fred, of all people? How did that happen?”
She shrugs. “He dropped by one night when you were gone. You might have even been here.” She stops and looks toward the water. “This was where you always wanted to be.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, he came to bring back something he’d borrowed from you, I don’t even remember what it was, and he stayed and talked to me. And before I knew it, we’d finished off two bottles of wine and we’d— Well, we’d betrayed you. We woke up the next day wrapped up in blankets and regrets.”
“Did you at least change the sheets?” I ask sarcastically.
She lets my comment slide. “Freddy was furious with himself. He couldn’t believe he’d let it happen. You were his best friend, and he was beside himself with worry. He wanted to tell you right away, but I wouldn’t let him.”
I start walking toward the water again, because I don’t want to hear about Fred’s guilt. I just don’t.
I step onto the dock and walk to the end. She follows me. I finally turn to face her.
“Hate me. Don’t hate him,” she says. “I take all the blame.”
I reach up and push a lock of blond hair behind her ear. “I think I’ve done quite enough hating the both of you. I think I’m ready to be finished with that.”
“Can you forgive us?”
I nod and shove my hands into my pockets. “Yeah, I can.”
“I was so worried I’d come here and find you still angry at me. And at Freddy.”
“Are you together now?”
She nods. “Yeah, we are. We’re trying it out. Seeing where it goes.”
“Well, you do have a baby together.” I try out a laugh, but it falls flat like a dead fish on the dock.
“There’s that.” She laughs too. Another dead fish.
“Does your baby still have all that red hair?”
She laughs again and a real smile lights up her face. “She does. I try to put little barrettes in it, but she just pulls them out. It’s not meant to be tamed, apparently.”
I nod and stare over the quiet water. Now that the storm has passed, the air hangs heavy with dampness and the water is completely still.
“Our lease is almost up at our apartment,” she says. “I thought I might start to pack things up.”
“I can come and help you.”
She lays her fingertips briefly on my arm. “That’s okay. I can do it. I’ll ship your things.”
“Take the baby stuff with you.”
She grins. “Well, it’s not like you have much use for it.”
I don’t tell her about Katie. The feeling of calmness between us is too new. It’s too raw. I don’t want to break it. I don’t want to rip the bandage off a second time. “True.” I turn in a circle, staring out over the water. “I think it hurt me more losing Fred than it did losing you,” I admit. Then I wince, because I know that sounds crass and intentionally hurtful.
“Well, that should tell us both something.”
“I want you to be happy,” I tell her.
“I want that for you too, Jake. I want you to find someone who fills up all your empty places.”
“Does Fred fill yours?”
She smiles. “Yeah, I think he does.”
Katie and her family fill mine. I never realized I had any until now.
I see a familiar head of red hair coming toward us, and recognize Fred. I’d know his lumbering gait anywhere. In his arms, he’s holding a baby with the same shockingly-red hair. He stops at the end of the dock.
“Is it okay if he comes to say hi?” Laura asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “The more the merrier.”
She motions him forward.
He walks forward slowly and carefully. “Jake,” he says.
“Fred,” I reply.
But then his daughter starts to jump in his arms and she throws her pudgy little body toward her mother. Laura catches her as the little girl falls toward her. I can’t help but smile.
“What did you name her?” I ask.
“Patricia, after my grandmother,” Laura says.
I clap my hands in front of her, and she leans toward me. “Can I hold her?” I ask as I slide my hands under her armpits.
“You’re not going to throw her in the lake or anything, are you?” Laura asks.
“Not unless she’s wearing a life preserver,” I say. I take her weight and set her on my hip. “She’s a lump.” She’s a lot bigger than Hank. I look at Fred. “She looks like you.”