"Yeah," I said softly, clenching my fists at my side in an effort to keep from wiping those tears away.
"Do you think that's kind of ironic," she asked, cocking her head to the side to study me through bleary green eyes. "Like, when you cheated on me and then dumped me, do you have any idea how long I cried?"
The question lay between us like a venomous snake. I refused to pick it up, knowing if I did, the pain of her answer would stay with me for a lifetime.
"Years. I cried for years," she whispered, swiping a hand over her mouth to wipe the tears away. "After all we had been through together...after all we had done, and meant to each other, that you could just walk away and never look back?" A sob broke through her lips and I swallowed the golf ball that had lodged in my throat. "The fact that you never once called to see if I was okay? To this day, I can't wrap my head around it. Was I crazy? Was that whole four years a lie?"
"No, God, no."
I reached for her but she held up a hand like a shield and I stilled.
"I know it's hard to believe, but I never meant to hurt you. I thought a clean break was for the best."
"What would've been best for me is if you had kept your fucking dick in your pants." She jabbed her pointer finger into my chest as her voice went shrill. "What would've been best was if I hadn't lost the person I loved most in the whole world. What would've been best was if you hadn't been such a good fucking liar from the start."
She curled her arm around her waist, and pursed her lips before meeting my gaze again with one that seemed so broken and resigned, it made me nauseous.
"I’m sorry. I know that’s not fair. I’m supposed to have grown. Moved on. Forgiven. And maybe some part of me has. I loved being there for you tonight. No one was rooting harder than me. I want nothing but the best for you, Robbie. But know this. You’re no fucking Boy Scout. You’ve already made me cry more than any other man could. And I don't want to love you anymore. I'm graduating and about to embark on my dream. The thing I've worked so hard for. It means everything to me.”
Her eyes looked so sad, so full of despair, they cut into me like lasers.
“So why can't I stop thinking about you?"
The words I'd been holding in like a scream for the past four years died in my chest as I looked down at her.
Nothing had changed. Except now it would be even more of a sacrifice for her to be with me. She was going to med school three thousand miles away. If I told her the truth now she'd either hate my guts for lying to her all those years ago, or she'd want to give that up for me. In either case, we'd never get our happy ending. Not ever.
I took a step back, cursing myself for being a blind fool for thinking for even a second that there was a way to make things right, but before I could make my excuses and leave to lick my wounds before I did something stupid, she was talking again in a low voice.
"Maybe we should...maybe we can..." She swallowed hard, her throat working as she closed the distance between us and laid her hand on my chest. "Maybe if we finally had our night. One last night to say goodbye, we could get some closure. What do you think, Robbie? One last night."
No. No fucking way. Absolutely not. That was the worst idea ever created. One that could only end in utter and total heartache for us both.
But I said none of that.
Instead, I let out a muffled groan as all the longing and sadness and need broke loose, and I grabbed her. Her fingers curled into the cotton of my t-shirt, her eyes going wide a second before I slanted my mouth over hers.
Seven
Robbie
From the second I touched her, I knew three things. First, that I had made a mistake. Second, it was the best mistake of my life. And third? There was no way in hell I’d be able to back down now.
Her mouth was too sweet, her breath too warm and inviting, for me to ever pull away, and when her tongue swept out to meet mine, I had to fight the urge to tear her clothes off right then and there.
I could rationalize it all. I could pretend that tonight was some effort to make up for the years of suffering I’d caused her since the last time I’d seen her. Like it was about closure. But it would be a lie.
Kissing her was selfish, and I knew that with every push and pull of our embrace.
“Robbie.”
She broke away from me and for one heart-pounding instant I both hoped and feared she’d finally come to her senses.
“Yeah?” I managed through my gritty throat.
"There are people," she craned around and nodded toward a couple not far off from where we stood, watching us.
"Right," I breathed. "Well--"