This was a bad idea. I knew it in my gut. Even seeing her on the beach had been tough, but now, after having her in my arms again, smelling her lemony scent that had haunted my dreams and now being in an empty hotel with her, it was even harder. I would never take advantage, but, damn, the urge to be close to her was almost overwhelming.
I asked which way her bedroom was and she pointed me in the direction. By the time we got to her bed, she was already kicking off her sandals, but even as she lowered herself onto the mattress, she said, "I think I'm okay, and should just go back to the club.” The tears that had been in her eyes were gone, thank god, but now she seemed sleepy and a little confused. “I forgot to tell Ash I was leaving and she'll be worried. Besides, I wanted to get my groove on."
Melissa loved to dance, and I had always loved to watch her. Not that she was any good at it, but she did it in typical Melissa style.
With total abandon.
A grin tugged at my lips just thinking about it.
"Not going to happen tonight. You can dance tomorrow night, maybe. Where's your phone? We can text Ash and let her know you're home safe, okay?"
She let out a hiccup and her head lolled back in what I took to be a nod as she snuggled into her pillow. "Yeah, yeah, okay, Dad." Her words were slurred, and there was no bite behind the attempted sarcasm as she yanked her phone out and handed it to me trustingly.
If she was drunk enough to forget how furious she was with me, she was too drunk to leave until I made sure she was going to stay put.
I scrolled through her contacts, steadfastly ignoring any guys’ names, until I got to Ash's name. Then I popped off a quick text as if I was Melissa.
Feeling tired, am home safe and in bed. Have fun.
I set Melissa’s phone down and faced her. She was staring up at me with the strangest expression on her face.
"Are you real this time, or are you a dream again?" she asked softly, scrunching her face up as she lifted a hand toward me.
The emotional weight of her words hit me like a battering ram.
Jesus, how many times had I asked myself that very same question, only to wake up in the middle of the night surrounded by darkness? Those were the worst of times, when some part of my subconscious forgot that she wasn't in my life anymore and I woke up feeling so full of hope and happiness only to remember the truth.
So many times, I wished I had it to do over again. At eighteen, young and stupid, I hadn't just broken up with her. I'd burned that shit down to the ground, leaving behind nothing but a pile of bitter ashes. And now, when I was finally old enough to get it, there was no way to undo the pain I'd caused.
"I'm real. And I'm here."
"Kiss me," she whispered, leaning up from the bed and taking my hand in hers. "Just one last time, okay, Robbie? Kiss me."
My brain exploded as she tugged me toward her. Those green eyes were so full of desperation, it left me gutted, and I couldn't seem to pull away.
Her warm breath feathered my lips and a moment later, we were kissing. I didn't dare touch her. Kept my hands balled at my sides as her pillowy soft lips pressed against mine. I could taste the saltiness of her tears and it made the bittersweet moment almost too much to bear.
When her tongue swept over my mouth, God help me, I let her in. Her arms looped around my neck and pulled me closer and I let her do it. Let her drag me down Memory Lane like the ghost of Christmas past. Sweet summer kisses in the lake after a day of fishing. Desperate, late night kisses that left us both panting and aching. Sad, comforting kisses when her mom passed away. And now this…the kiss goodbye we'd never had.
Suddenly, the ache in my throat was choking me and I lifted my hands to gently pull her arms away.
"You need to get some rest," I muttered, pressing her back to the pillow. "I'll get you some water."
"But can you stay, though. I-I don't want to be alone." Her eyes were already drifting closed and her breathing had already gone soft and even.
"Sure,” I whispered back. “I can stay.”
Ashlynn would rip me a new asshole if she found me here, but I was willing to risk it. Maybe I was taking advantage because sober Melissa would've set me on fire before inviting me to stay, but now, faced with the knowledge that, once I left, I'd be back on my regiment of never ever seeing her again?
I'd take sitting on a chair and watching her sleep and living with the guilt.
I stepped out of the room and poured her a glass of water to keep next to the bed. Then I sat in the armchair beside her and got comfortable. For another hour or more, I just stared at her face in the moonlight, committing her features to memory as I listened to the waves lapping against the shore. Then, my own eyes drifted closed as I fell asleep.
And dreamt of Melissa.
Four
Melissa
My head felt like someone had been using it for a punching bag and when I opened my eyes, I bit my lip hard at the dull throbbing the move caused.