Maya was shaking, literally trembling with the force of her anger. But was it anger? Was this what it felt like to be truly angry, or was it something bigger, more complicated? Was this what it felt like to be exposed, for all of her private thoughts to be laid bare in front of the one person who she had wanted to be perfect for?
“Stop texting with my sister,” Maya said instead, her teeth gritted so tight that her jaw pulsed a little. “I mean it!”
And then she turned and started walking toward her class. “Maya!” Claire yelled after her, but Maya hugged her bag tighter and started to run. It felt good to move, to have her lungs ache and her chest heave. She wanted the pain to match how she felt.
She wanted it to hurt.
The next Sunday, when Maya met with Grace and Joaquin, everybody was cranky.
One look at Grace’s straw pretty much told Maya that she was not in a good way. Maya had no idea how she could drink out of it without cutting up her mouth. “Have you thought about maybe just sipping straight from the cup?” Maya asked at one point.
Grace glared at her, then glanced over her shoulder. They were at a Starbucks at the outdoor mall near Grace’s house, sitting out on the patio, and Grace looked like she was waiting for a sniper to take her out. Just watching her made Maya feel edgy. “God, Grace,” she said at one point. “No one’s out to get you.”
Grace huffed out a laugh that made Maya wonder if her sister perhaps had Mob ties.
Joaquin just looked sullen, his eyes heavy. Not that he was the most talkative person, of course, but Maya was used to a little more, especially after last weekend, when they had talked about things that were actually important. “So,” she said after nearly a minute of complete silence. “My mom went to rehab.”
“That’s great,” Grace said.
“Really good,” Joaquin agreed.
“And my dad moved back in with us,” Maya continued.
“Really great,” Joaquin said.
“That’s good you have him,” Grace added. “Really good.”
Maya narrowed her eyes a bit. “And my sister, Lauren? She finally got approval for the surgery to remove those horns from her forehead.”
“Awesome,” Grace said, glancing past Joaquin’s shoulder.
“Wait, what?” Joaquin said. “Your sister’s having surgery?”
“Finally,” Maya sighed. “You two are zombies, you know that? You’re both being so weird.”
“Sorry,” Grace said. “I just . . . I really hate this mall, that’s all.”
“And I’m actually a zombie,” Joaquin replied. “My secret is out, I guess. God, I feel so much lighter.” He took a deep breath and sighed it out, which made both Grace and Maya laugh despite themselves.
“You’re so bizarre,” Maya said.
Joaquin just pointed at himself. “I told you. Zombie.”
“That explains the rotting flesh smell,” Maya replied, then ducked when Joaquin threw a napkin at her.
Grace, however, had just gone still next to them. “The zombie’s definitely going to eat you first,” Maya said to her, giving her a nudge.
“Shut up,” Grace just whispered in response, looking past Joaquin’s shoulder, and Joaquin turned to see what had her attention.
There were two boys coming into the Starbucks, and from the looks of it, they knew who Grace was. They were snickering between them, and then one of them said something to the other and they both burst into laughter before fist-bumping each other.
“Do you know those frat-boy wannabes?” Maya said. She herself had zero patience for dudes who wore their baseball caps backward and always talked about “getting girls,” even though Maya was pretty sure that they had never even touched one.
“I think we should go,” Grace said.
“Wait, Grace,” Joaquin said, sitting up a little. “Are you shaking?”
“Hey, Grace.”
Now the boys were standing next to their table. It was almost empty on the patio outside, just a few older people sipping teas in the far corner, and their voices sounded loud. “New boyfriend?” one of them asked. He was tall and skinny and made Maya very glad that she had been born a lesbian.
“Just go away, Adam, okay?”
“What’s up? You just hanging out?” Adam looked like the cat that had caught the canary.
“You move pretty fast,” the other guy said. “You and Max just broke up, right?”
“Grace,” Maya said slowly. “Let’s just go, okay?”
Across from them, Joaquin was sitting up very straight. Maya had never seen him look so alert before, and it didn’t make her feel any better about the situation.
“So you tell your new guy about what you were up to in the last year?” Adam said, and his smile reminded Maya of the Cheshire Cat’s, too big to be sincere, a crescent moon too sharp at the edges. “All your big . . . changes?”
Grace started to stand up, shoving her chair back so hard that it crashed into the table behind them. That just seemed to make the boys laugh, though, and before Maya or Joaquin could do anything, Adam leaned forward and said, “Does he know what a slut you are? Or is that what he likes best about you?”
Maya was about to do something, say something, anything to release the pressure that she felt exploding in her chest, when suddenly Joaquin was up and moving so fast that no one saw him coming. In one smooth motion, he had Adam up against the wall, his forearm pressed across his chest, and Adam looked wide-eyed and scared, a fish out of water.
“Listen, you asshole,” Joaquin hissed, and now Maya was standing up next to Grace, hanging on to her arm. “That’s my sister, okay! You think it’s cool to talk to my sister like that? Do you?!” Adam didn’t say anything. Maya felt the pressure in her chest go straight into her heart, bursting with a sudden, vicious love for him.
“Joaquin,” Grace started to say, but it sounded like her voice had died in her throat.
“No!” Adam yelped. His hat had tumbled off in the fracas, and now he just looked like a little kid. “No, man! I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t even know she had a brother!”
“You talk to her again, you even think of looking at her again”—Joaquin pressed his arm harder across Adam’s chest, sliding it up toward his throat—“and you’re going to have to talk to me. You got that?”
Adam nodded nervously, his pupils dilated. Next to him, his friend was standing silent.
So was Grace.
“Now get the fuck out of here,” Joaquin said, and Maya thought it was more of a growl, a bear on the attack. “If I see you again, you and me, we’re going to have problems.”
Adam nodded again, and Joaquin gave him one final press before locking eyes with him, then letting him go. He and his friend scurried away as Joaquin seemed to slump, all his bravado slinking away and leaving him like a shell.
“Joaquin,” Grace said. She was panting now. So was Joaquin.
“Joaquin,” Maya said when he didn’t answer.
“I—I’m sorry,” he said, his breath coming in short gasps, and then suddenly he was leaving the patio, running down the street, sprinting away from them, trying to escape.
JOAQUIN
Joaquin thought that he was going to be sick.