“Well, that’s stupid,” Lauren said. “You two were really cute together.”
“Yeah, Grace and Joaquin already told me that I’m being an idiot. You don’t need to tell me, too, okay?”
There was a pause from the floor before Lauren said, “Grace and Joaquin? You told them?”
“Of course I told them. When they were here the other day, after you left to go to your friend’s house.”
“I thought you were only talking about Mom, though.”
“We talked about a lot of things, okay? For example, the fact that Grace thinks that we should find our biological mom.”
Maya had been trying to steer the conversation away from Claire, from how bad it felt to even say her name, the dullest grays and blacks that her mind could ever envision, plumes of choking smoke left over after a fireworks show. But judging from Lauren’s silence on the floor, she had sent the conversation down the wrong road entirely.
“What, so you’re just going to abandon your family now?”
“What?” Maya looked up from her physics homework. “What are you talking about?”
“Mom goes to rehab and you decide to swap her out for a new model? Is that what you’re doing with Grace, too? We’re too much trouble, so you decide to find something better?”
“Lauren, what the hell are you—”
“Never mind.” Lauren stood up, gathering her computer and books in such a hurry that one of her notebooks fell to the floor. Maya started to reach for it, but Lauren stepped in front of her, blocking Maya with her back. “Leave it alone,” she said.
“You’re in my room,” Maya pointed out. “I’d be happy to leave you alone, but you’re the one who needs to leave, not me.”
Lauren had always been like this, explosive as a toddler, screaming tantrums when she didn’t get her way. “It’s that redheaded gene,” her parents had explained, dragging her out of restaurants, movie theaters, bookstores, leaving Maya, the one thing that was not like the others, with a smile on her face and as the unexpected recipient of double the popcorn, ice cream, and books.
But when Lauren stormed out, Maya realized that she hadn’t left anything behind, and what used to feel like a victory now felt like a sad, hollow loss.
It was Thursday before Claire finally cut Maya off on her way to history class.
“Um, excuse me,” Maya said. “You’re making me late.”
That’s not what she had been planning to say to Claire, of course. Maya had thought of a thousand different things to say to her: apologies and confessions, tears and mea culpas, detailed explanations of how stupid Maya could be, how stubborn she was.
But then she saw Claire and the hurt bubbled over, taking over all the smart things she wanted to see in a jealous, green-fueled fury.
“How come you didn’t tell me your mom was in rehab?”
Maya went still. Nobody was supposed to know about that. Did everyone know? Was everyone at school watching her, judging her? “How—what? How did you—”
Claire held up her phone. She was taller than Maya, but for the first time, her height felt intimidating instead of safe. “Because Lauren texted me, that’s why. Your little sister was the one who had to tell me.”
Maya felt herself regroup, her insides steadying themselves against the nervous sloshing feeling in her stomach. “It’s none of your business.”
“Bullshit.”
Maya tried to step around her, but Claire stepped in time with her, blocking her path. “You and me are going to talk. Right now.”
“I have class.”
“Oh, suddenly you’re a perfect student who never ditches? Nice try. Let’s go.”
Maya stumbled after her, following Claire past the gymnasium and the theater that everyone referred to as Little Theater, even though it was the only one on campus and pretty sizable. Finally they were back on the same spot of grass that Maya had always thought of as theirs. It seemed strange that the grass still looked so green and lush, even though they had broken up.
“Okay,” Claire said. The late bell had already rung and the school felt strangely empty, like they were the only two people left on campus. If this were a TV show, Maya thought to herself, this would be when the zombie invasion started. “Spill it.”
“Spill what?” Maya asked, deliberately not looking at Claire. “You already know everything.”
“I know one basic fact, that’s it.” Claire’s face suddenly softened, and she put her hands on Maya’s shoulders. “My,” she said, and her voice was so quiet that it hurt Maya more than if she had been shouting. “What happened? Lauren said she was in the hospital. She said that you rode in the ambulance.”
Maya gnawed on her lower lip, looking everywhere but at Claire. “She hit her head, that’s all. She had a concussion. And then my dad took her to rehab in Palm Springs and moved back in with us.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Claire’s hands were moving her hair back from her shoulders now, and Maya couldn’t tell if she wanted to step closer to her or run away and never look back. She felt so exposed, and they weren’t even her secrets. They were her mother’s, for fuck’s sake.
“Because we broke up,” Maya said, trying her best to put the perfect “duh” tone in her voice.
Claire sighed in a way that made her sound like a disappointed parent. “Maya, seriously? You think everything has to just stop? We had a fight. Why does that mean it has to be over?”
Maya found herself thinking about Joaquin and Birdie, how Joaquin had said that he and Maya had the same dysfunction. For all the times that Maya had thought about her biological family, she had wondered whether or not they looked alike, if they had the same laugh or smile or double-jointed thumbs. She never thought they’d share the same stupid breakup stories.
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Maya said, trying to step around Claire again. “I’m serious, Claire. I need to go to class.”
“Lauren also said that you were going to look for your biological mom.”
“She what?” Maya had been a step away, but she whirled around, red like a wound exploding, sending blood straight into the sky. “Look,” she said, “let’s get one thing straight. I don’t need you and my little sister gossiping about me, okay? If you want to know something, you can ask me—”
“No, I can’t, Maya!” Claire shouted back. “That’s the problem! You keep everything from me! You didn’t tell me about your mom, you never talked to me about finding your brother and sister, and now you want to find your bio mom and you don’t even bring it up, not even once?”
“If I wanted to talk about it, I would!”
“I don’t believe you! I think you’ve been keeping your mom’s secrets and now her secrets are starting to ruin your life.”