“I messed things up pretty bad,” Beckett confessed.
“No shit.” Evan shot a look at Gia to make sure she hadn’t heard him swear. “But doesn’t she deserve someone who’s willing to fight for her? Even if he messes stuff up sometimes. You just have to fix it bigger than you messed it up.”
The kid was right.
“So you’re saying you’d be cool with me being with your mom?”
“I’m saying she does everything for us. I think she could use some happiness of her own and someone to help her out. I figure if she’s all happy in love with you, maybe she’ll lighten up on me. You know, let me stay up later, eat more junk food.”
“And maybe you’ll end up with the bedroom with the secret passage?”
Evan nodded. “And a debate team advisor.”
“You know, for a punk kid, you know a lot about life.”
Evan leaned back against the bar. “Yeah. I know. So, you gonna sit here moping or are you gonna ask her to dance?”
“I’m gonna go ask her to dance,” Beckett said, ruffling Evan’s hair. “Thanks for the pep talk, kid.”
He didn’t so much as ask as pull her into his arms on the edge of the dance floor. Those wide green eyes burned into him.
“Gianna, I don’t know how to start to say how sorry I am.”
She started to wriggle out of his grasp, but he tightened his hold and pulled her back in.
“I don’t really want to hear your apologies,” she said frostily.
“Too bad. You deserve them and you’re going to get them. I’m sorry. I was the biggest ass imaginable. I jumped to conclusions and then used that as an excuse to reinforce my own family issues,” Beckett said, his eyes never wavering from hers.
“You questioned my very personal, very difficult decision and made it sound like I ended my marriage on a whim. Do you think it was easy for me to leave Paul? The kids adored him. Why do you think Evan doesn’t call me Mom anymore? You accused me of walking away because I felt like it. But you don’t know,” her voice was shaking.
Beckett stroked her back, reveling in the feel of her bare skin beneath his hand.
“Beckett, you don’t know how many nights I cried myself to sleep on the couch. You don’t know how many extra jobs I took on to pay the rent because following Paul’s dream meant no steady paycheck. You don’t know how many times he let the kids down, disappointing them over and over again. You have no idea what he carelessly exposed them to in their own home.”
The sick, familiar guilt slid through him.
“The worst part is, you made me doubt myself. You made me wonder if I’d made the decision selfishly.”
Beckett felt it like a knife in the gut. Lashing out at her had made her doubt a very difficult, very personal decision. That was unforgiveable.
“I didn’t walk away on a whim. You’re the one who did.” She tried to step out of his grasp, but again, he wasn’t giving up.
It was true. Everything she’d said was true. But that wasn’t how it was going to end with them. Not with him being an ass and her confidence shaken.
“I’m not letting you go this time, Gianna.”
“I’m not asking you to hold on, Beckett. You hurt me.”
“I’m sorry, Red. I’m so sorry.” He pulled her in closer, stroking her back. “But I know it’s not going to be the last time. When you love this much, people get hurt.”
He felt her intake of breath on the word love and continued.
“They get glued back together and they jump back into it. Between the highs and the lows, what keeps you going, what keeps you coming back together, is knowing that your heart beats for that one person. My heart beats for you, Gianna. It has since the first moment I saw you.”
“In the bathroom? You fell for me in a bathroom?”
Beckett shook his head. “That’s not the first time I saw you. The night before, you were painting your studio.” He brushed a curl back from her face, slid his fingers down the silk of her spine. “You were taking a break, working on some crazy upside down pose. You fell and you laughed. And then I fell for you.”
Gia stared at him, her sea green eyes mesmerized.
“In that moment, my heart started beating because it knew you. I didn’t understand it at the time, but what my heart was saying was ‘There you are. Finally.’”
“Beckett.”
He shook his head. “Here you are, my Gianna. And I’m not letting go.”
“I need some time to think. Pretty words don’t just make the hurt go away.”
“And they shouldn’t. I will make this up to you. And though I can’t promise I won’t hurt you again — because we will fight, a lot — I can swear to you that I will never make you doubt yourself again. You are the strongest, most fearless woman I know. And I believe in you.”