“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. It is not your fault.” He assures me, running his fingers through my hair and resting them at the nape of my neck. He pulls me to him while moving his body toward me. “I love you.” He signs with one hand before crashing his lips with mine, his breath warm on my skin. I pull away from him and sit up. If I can’t comfort him, at least I have a little something I wrote for him a while back. “I have something for you.”
He lets go of my neck. I leave the bed and cross the room, flip through the chaos on my desk and find what I’m looking for. I return to the bed and hand him the piece of paper. Then sit back and watch his face as he scans the paper which has words written on it. My attempt to focus on something other than the turmoil I was going through.
He licks his lips, leans forward, and scans the page.
Your eyes are my anchor.
They captivate me, quiet the restlessness in me.
Is it weird I feel so connected to you? My trust for you has no bounds. I know I can close my eyes, let myself fall and you’ll be there to catch me. Even when I’m spinning out of control, confused, roiling in turmoil, I only need to feel your touch to make me breathe again. The past few days, the chaos in my head was too much, too intimidating. You were patient with me. You showed me it was possible to feel love louder than the chaos in my head, love harder to loosen the gripping fist on reality around my thoughts.
Kissed me so slowly I could still fill your lips on me when I fell asleep at night.
Kissed me harder and chased away my fears.
Every day with you is a day filled with butterflies and smiles. Every night while lying on the roof with you, is like the beginning of forever. You make me feel safe. You make me a better person. You silently entered my life, swept me off my feet and I fell truly and madly in love with you. I want nothing more than to fall back skyward with you.
Every day.
Every night.
Every second of the day.
I love you, Cole
He works his jaw and opens his mouth to speak but no words fall out. He covers his eyes with one hand but seems to decide otherwise and drops it.
“Come here,” he orders. I shuffle closer on the bed. He drops the paper between us and cradles my face in his palms so gently. He kisses my lips. “I couldn’t love you any quieter or harder even if I wanted to.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Please be careful. I can’t lose you. I know that my father is capable of making true on his threats and it terrifies me.”
The look on his face fades, replaced by a hard look and the muscle in his jaw ticks furiously. “He won’t keep me away from you. I can’t wait to take you away from here.”
“I can’t leave my sisters and mother in his hands. You understand that, right?”
He nods. “We will work hard, get jobs then they can move in with us.”
I crawl between his jean-covered legs to snuggle there. He slides his arm around my chest, and pulls me to him, kissing my hair and pressing his head on mine.
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN CONSIDERABLY BETTER the past weeks right after that chat with Dr. Thorsten. I can look at a knife and not think of it as a potential tool to give me relief.
Today is the Winter Formal masquerade ball. It’s also the day I give myself to Cole. I made up my mind a couple of days ago, and with every passing second of the day, I am more certain that I want him to be my first. Megs has been my cheerleader, preparing me mentally for what to expect.
Cole will be picking me up in less than thirty minutes. Elise has been working on making me look pretty. She finishes pining up my hair, holds the beautiful blue gown open and I slip inside.
“Cole is going to go crazy the moment he sees you, sis. He won’t be able to keep his hands to himself.”
My head jerks up, meeting Elise’s gaze in the mirror. My cheeks heat up even more when I notice the pink around my cheeks. Gosh. My body is literally vibrating with excitement. Just thinking of the condoms in my clutch on the vanity sends a thrill down my spine.
I need to keep it together before my sister takes notice of my current state.
I smile and wink at my sister. “That’s the whole point, isn’t it?”
She giggles. “I love this playful side of you.”
I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from grinning like an idiot and admire the dress in the mirror. Megs and I went shopping for gowns last week. I ended up choosing this one.
My gaze moves from the thin halter straps on my shoulder, down to the sweetheart bodice, embellished with little silver pearls. The chiffon material flows from the cinched waist, down to my toes. I turn around slowly to admire the back of the dress, which plunges low and stops mid back. I make a complete round then stop and stare at my reflection.