I know what it feels like to feel like you’re dead. Numb and cold. And then I met you and I’d never felt more alive. More wanted. I felt that I belonged somewhere, with someone amazing. If obeying my dad was going to save you and keep my heart beating, I’d take that chance and I took it. Please don’t blame Josh. He was doing what he thought was best for you to save you from my father.
Cole, please. Please get in touch with me. I want our children to know who their father is and I want you to know them.
Love,
Nor
I clutch the image of the babies to my chest. My brain tries to process everything I’ve learned the last few minutes. I shut my eyes tight, the memory of all the letters lying before me as well as the first one I ripped to pieces, flash inside my head.
Jesus. What have I done?
I’ve spent the past nine years hating two of the most important people in my life, Nor and my brother. I have two daughters and I’ve missed every moment of their lives.
And her father. There was no love lost between us, but forcing his daughter to marry Josh? That’s some twisted shit.
My thoughts automatically wander back to the day I last saw Nor. She had tried to tell me something, but I was blinded by my anger and the weight of betrayal so I didn’t stop to listen.
Simon appears in my line of vision. Wiping my wet cheeks, I raise my head to meet his gaze. His eyes widen, probably shocked to see the tears on my face.
I never cried when I lost Nor. I never cried when I left home. The pain of losing her was more than I could bare. I knew if I broke down and accepted that I had lost her, it would completely destroy me.
But this. . .everything is happening too fast. Every single emotion I’ve held onto these past nine years is trying to break free.
Simon hands me back the letters. “I’ll wrap things up here. I will be down there in five days tops. But right now, I have a woman who needs my attention.” He straightens and waggles his eyebrows then steps forward and gives me a one-armed hug before moving away from me. “Have you told Tate yet?”
“I was just about to text him when you walked in.”
“Call me as soon as you get there,” he signs.
I nod and follow him to the door. If I’m going back to the place I left nine years ago and swore never to return to, I need to man up. I need to face this.
The moment Simon leaves, I return to the living room and quickly type a text to Tate. I grab my bag and scoop Sirius up from his spot where he’s snuggled on the sofa and put him back in his carrier.
After gathering all the letters on the counter, I tuck them in the bag and zip it up. I lock up the house and head out. Once Sirius is settled in the back seat and the bag is in the trunk, I slide onto my seat, grip the wheel and stare out my window. I learned a long time ago that life is an unpredictable bitch. Constant one second, and utterly chaotic the next instant.
Several things I learned when I was locked away:
Keep your head down and carry on.
Set your priorities and stick to them.
When you get out, run the fuck away from that place and make sure never to return.
I’d set my priorities straight. I’ve known what I wanted and wasted no time getting it. I knew where I wanted my life to go and I’ve worked hard to get there.
Until now.
Until the letters.
My life is unraveling fast. I’m about to meet the girl who had promised her heart to me, then turned around and gave it to my brother. The girl I forced myself to forget. The girl who still holds my heart in her damn hands.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
I reel in my anger, focusing my rage on the one person I blame for this mess that doomed my future with Nor from the moment she and I met. Stephen, Nor’s father. And now, according to the letter from Nor, he was also responsible for her and Josh getting married.
Fucking son of a bitch.
AFTER DROPPING SIRIUS AT THE hotel I had booked during my short break at the motel last night, I drive to St. James Memorial and park the truck in the underground parking garage. My body aches from driving for hours. I woke up earlier this morning, restless. My head was cramped with visions of Josh lying in the hospital and the revelations in the letters Simon had been collecting. I was torn between texting my parents to ask them for Nor’s address and driving straight to the hospital to see Josh. My need to see Josh, Cora and Joce clouded any rational thought and I found myself breaking a couple of traffic laws to get home faster, until I realized that ending up dead wouldn’t help anyone.
Another thought entered my mind.
Was I ready to face them after years of ignoring their letters?