People in town don’t know each other the way they used to when Shelby was a girl. Everyone knew who she was back then, the girl who had an accident on Route 110. Now she’s just another stranger in town. No one says Shelby Richmond, you’re the one who almost killed your best friend, who spent years in your parents’ basement doing penance. You’re the girl who disappeared.
It’s August, the month when the orange lilies along the road are fading. Shelby recently bought her first car, a used Toyota 4Runner. She used part of the money her father gave her, her inheritance. This morning she headed out to Huntington on the Long Island Expressway. James went out the evening before so he could take his mother to dinner and present her with the cash he got when he sold his car. Shelby was nervous driving again, and her hands shook, but here she is. She wonders if she didn’t drive for all those years simply because she didn’t want to return to the scene of her crime. Certainly after she lost her mother, there’d been little reason to come back. Yet it’s the place she dreams about. In her dreams it’s always snowing, the road is always slick with ice.
Now that she’s here Shelby feels a tight knot of terror in the back of her throat, as if she were one of those women in horror movies who just keep unlocking the door even though they’re pretty damn certain there’s a monster on the other side. Shelby has decided to see Helene before they leave for California. It’s been more than ten years. People say if you face your worst fear the rest is easy, but those are people who are afraid of rattlesnakes or enclosed spaces, not of themselves and the horrible things they’ve done.
All of Shelby’s belongings have been packed up and sent on to the apartment they found on the university’s housing list. There’s a yard and a bedroom that’s bigger than her entire New York apartment. Shelby Richmond, who struggled to finish high school and spent three months in a psychiatric hospital, who assumed she would work in a pet store for the rest of her life, if she managed not to get fired, is going to veterinary school. She and James will spend the next few weeks traveling cross-country with the dogs, camping out in state parks along the way.
Last night Shelby stayed at Maravelle’s. Shelby and Maravelle became friends by accident, and by accident they’ve become family. Leaving Maravelle was hard, even though she promised to visit in the spring. Leaving Jasmine was equally difficult, especially when she started to cry. But it was Dorian who got to her, the way he hugged her. And it was Teddy, who wasn’t there, who sent her the message she needed most on a postcard.
Be happy, he’d written. You deserve it.
Shelby is driving along Route 110. This is where it happened, on the left side of the road. The asphalt used to dip into a hollow, but there’s a guardrail now. A bunch of plastic flowers has been tied to the metal with string. Shelby used to be so empty inside she could hold her hand over the flame of a burner on the stove and not feel a thing. She tried her best to destroy herself, but she’s still here. Her heart is beating, she can feel it sometimes, when she lies beside James, when she thinks about her life, the force inside her that wouldn’t let go.