“I have my own place,” James tells Ben.
“Congratulations,” Ben sneers. He grabs the bag of food and takes out one of the white cardboard containers and some chopsticks. He opens the General Tso’s chicken. “Same order, different delivery boy. You don’t mind if I eat at my aunt Ida’s table, do you?” he asks James.
“Go right ahead. I hate Chinese food,” James tells him.
“He hates Chinese food,” Ben says pointedly to Shelby. “So how did this happen? An online dating site? I was the first choice for a match for her, you know,” he tells James. “He’s been in prison,” Ben informs Shelby. “He was the guy I bought drugs from.”
“We fell in love,” James says.
“Really? Well, fuck you.” Ben has begun to eat the General Tso’s chicken, which he always hated. “You know nothing about Shelby. Were you there for her when she really needed someone?”
James throws Shelby a look. He was there, but neither of them can say anything that will hurt Ben anymore.
Ben has noticed a copy of Nevermore on the table. “What’s this supposed to be?”
“James wrote and illustrated it,” Shelby says.
“He’s a writer?” Ben says mournfully. “I’m the one who loves books. I made you read Ray Bradbury.”
“The Illustrated Man, right?” James says. “Brilliant.”
Shelby has to get Ben out of here. She slips on her boots and grabs her raincoat.
“It’s Burberry,” Ben says to James. “Who do you think gave it to her?”
“Let’s go for a walk,” Shelby says to him.
“I don’t want to go for a walk.” Ben takes a threatening step toward James. “I doubt very much that you understand Bambi,” he says.
“I just wanted you to know I’m sorry for what I did back then,” James says. “I acted like an asshole and I got what I deserved.”
“Really? Because it seems like you got Shelby.”
“Come with me.” Shelby grabs Ben’s arm, and they go downstairs. “I don’t know where I would have been without you.”
“You’d be right here with that guy.” Once out the door Ben sits on the stoop, and Shelby sits beside him.
“No. I wouldn’t. I’d be lost.”
“So you’re saying you’re in love with him? The guy that made me cry in fourth grade?”
“It was a bad year for everyone. And yes. I am. I really am, Ben. I don’t think I knew how to love anybody before.”
“Perfect,” Ben says. “You had to learn now.”
Shelby takes his hand and laces her fingers through his. “Do you think Ana wants the table?”
“It’s too old-fashioned for her. She hates anything with history.”
“She’s right,” Shelby says. “It’s a piece of shit. I’ll leave it for the next tenant.”
They both laugh. “Good thing Ida is dead,” Ben says. He glances at Shelby. “Do you miss Blinkie?”
“I miss everything,” she says. “I miss you.”
“But it’s him, huh? Fucking Jimmy.”
“He was there the night it happened. He’s been writing to me all along. That’s how I fell in love with him.” Shelby is sitting on Tenth Avenue in the clothes she slept in, so she’s especially grateful for the raincoat Ben gave her. She wears it all the time, and she suspects she’ll put it to good use in California. “What happened with Ana?”
“She wants bigger, better, more. She wants to move to a fancier house than the one we already have.” He shakes his head, as if trying to shake off his confusion. “We’re having a kid,” he says.
Shelby feels a twinge of jealousy, but only a little pinprick. “Ben, you will be a great father. I wish you were my father.”
“That’s perverted,” Ben says.
“I mean it. Everyone should have a father like you.”
“You don’t want to go back in time?”
Shelby laughs. “To when we were miserable?”
“Jimmy,” Ben says sadly. He gives her a sidelong look. “It was never going to be me, right?”
“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t be here without you.” Shelby hugs him so tightly that Ben laughs and backs off.
“I’m glad it all happened,” he says. “Even the bad parts.”
“There were bad parts?” Shelby says, and they laugh together. She hugs him one last time so she can listen to his heartbeat. She doesn’t want to see him walk away, so she turns and goes inside. Upstairs, James is at the table, eating spicy tofu.
“You hate Chinese food,” Shelby says.
“I might as well get used to it. How’s Ben?”
“He’ll be fine.” Shelby notices the fortune cookies on the table.
“How about you?” James asks.
Shelby strips off the cellophane. The crinkly sound reminds her of a wind chime. She cracks the cookie in half. She has never read a single fortune. She thought she knew what her future would be like, but as it turns out life is far more mysterious than she would have ever imagined.
What is behind you is gone, what is in front of you awaits.
“Shelby,” James says. “It’s a fortune cookie. You hate them.”
“Not this one,” Shelby says. “This is the one I was waiting for.”
CHAPTER
15