“Could have fooled me.”
“My biggest regret in life was making you cry, and if I have to spend the rest of it making sure you never have another bad day, then I will die a happy man.”
“I thought you didn't have regrets.”
“Only the ones I can’t change.”
“What about Mitch? And Lily? Will I have to spend the rest of mine convincing you I’m not her ghost?”
“I want to show you something.” He dropped his arms from my waist and pulled his shirt over his head. I gave him a crazy look. It was fifty degrees, maybe colder outside, and he was standing before me without a shirt.
“Keiran, what are you doing? This is hardly the time to think about sex.”
“No, that comes later.”
“Cocky, much?”
“Hopeful.” I softened at his words and the look in his eyes. “Remember when I told you I confess my sins the only way I know how? That’s why I had the tattoo made.
“I can’t believe I’m seeing this for the first time. It’s beautiful,” I finally said after I stared at his back in awe.
Even after the times we had sex, I realized I never actually saw his back. One of us would always run.
I ran my fingers down his back where the tattoo lay. The dark petals sharply contrasted against his skin. Some of the petals were broken in different ways and some looked mended. The mended petals showed a drop of moisture that touched precisely the broken parts. The raindrops were bright blue with a tinge of green reminding me of my own eyes. One particular petal stood out amongst the rest. The tip of the petal hung loosely from the rest barely hanging on and above it was a falling raindrop. The way it fell was peculiar… almost like a shooting star.
“It was for her?”
“No… It was for nothing.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.”
“Then why a lily? Out of any flower or dumb tattoo teenage boys are inclined to get, why something that obviously means something to you? What does it all mean? The broken petals? The raindrop?”
He laughed and shook his head. “It was Keenan’s idea. I told him to make a lily. He—”
“He thought you were healing.”
“What?” Keiran’s head snapped around.
“That’s what the raindrops are for. They are the healing balm. Most of the petals are mended, but some are still very much broken.”
Silence descended between us as I continued to admire his back, and he continued to stare at the wall ahead. His back was tense and stiffened even more as I continued to touch him. “It’s beautiful, Keiran. Do you think it might be true?”
“What might be true?’
“That maybe, just maybe, you could be healing?”
“Well, then I would be forced to admit something is wrong with me.” The teasing lilt in his voice involuntarily made me smile.
“It’s good that I know you’re joking, or I might be worried.”
He turned suddenly to face me and gripped me around my waist, bringing me close. “Why are you fighting for this?”
“Why are you fighting this at all?”
“Because I’ve killed people, Lake. I’ve killed, and I’m willing to kill without much provocation. Do you really believe someone like me could ever be good? I can never be a boyfriend, or a husband, or even a father.”
I ignored the pang in my heart at his rejection of a future. “You aren’t as doomed as you might think, you know.”
“I’m not redeemable either.”
“Then why didn’t you pull the trigger, and why did you want to protect me?”
“Because if I had to protect anyone, it would be you.”
“Are you saying I’m a default?”
“I’m saying that you matter. Regardless of how much I don’t want you to.”
“You really know how to make a girl feel special,” I quipped.