Eye Candy

“Oh my God! That’s a fantastic idea. Bancroft will go crazy.” She repositions me, still wearing the costume, and resumes the pinning. “I could do the same with the Harley Quinn costume if you want.”

“Don’t bother, it’s not really Armstrong’s thing.” I purse my lips at my accidental sourness.

“Don’t be silly. All men like lingerie. Even the Armstrongs of this world.”

“What does that mean?” I try to look at her over my shoulder and a pin digs into my side. “Ow!”

“Stop moving and I won’t stab you.”

I suck my teeth but turn around and remain still so I don’t bleed out before she even manages to alter the dress. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“What question?” she says distractedly.

“About the Armstrongs of this world.”

“He’s just a little uptight, right? Not much of an out-of-the-box guy from what I’ve seen. Traditional.”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess.” That was a nice way to put it. Those things are what drew me to him initially. He was just so different from the guys I normally dated.

“It’s funny isn’t it? All these years you’ve spent dating the bad boy and here you end up with the quintessential Prince Charming.”

There’s something in the way she says this, as if there’s more under the words, but then she twists my hair into a half-assed knot and gives me one of her genuine, mischief-filled smiles. “You really are going to be the most beautiful bride, you know that right? You could probably wear a paper bag and you’d still be the most stunning woman in the room. And look at your rack.” She squeezes my boob through the millions of layers of fabric and the built-in bra.

I bat her hand away and wince at the prick of a pin against my ribs. “Are you flirting with me?”

“Don’t tell Bane. He’s still not over the whole fairy-makeup you-between-my-legs scene he walked in on.”

“They all have such dirty minds, don’t they?”

“If we’re lucky.” I get another sly grin.

I sincerely hope I can bring out the dirty in Armstrong eventually. “So . . .” I shift gears again. “Since Wonder Woman is going in your private lingerie collection, what other options do you have over there?”

“I haven’t sorted through it all yet, but I’m sure there will be something.”

There’s a princess outfit, Snow White to be exact. I spot a black mask on the bed. It reminds me of Batman. “Oh! I have an awesome idea!” I gesture toward the pile.

She glances over, and then gives me the eye. “I’m not going as Snow White. No one should be that clueless. And she should’ve ended up with the Huntsman, not that d-bag prince.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest that. What if Bane goes as a character from Batman? What if he goes as Bane?”

“You mean the guy who wears that metal spider thing on his face?”

“It’s not a metal spider.”

She props a hand on her hip. “How will he even breathe? Or eat. Or talk. Or make out with me?”

“Okay. Good point.” I tap my lip. “He could be Batman, though, couldn’t he?”

“Who will I be? I don’t want to wear some boring evening gown.” She grimaces, realizing what I’m wearing. “Sorry. This isn’t boring, though. It’s going to be amazing once I’m done with it. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I just want to go as something fun.”

“You could be Catwoman?”

Her eyes light up. “Oooh! That would totally work. And it wouldn’t be hard to make it happen at all. I’m sure I have all the pieces here. I just have to put them together.”

She finally finishes pinning me. “Let’s get this off and then we can try on some of the other fun costumes.”

As soon as I’m out of the dress—and no longer at risk of being pricked to death, which Ruby finds hysterical—she tosses a costume at me to try on. I’ve just finished squeezing myself into what I think is supposed to be some kind of sexy witch costume when Bancroft’s voice booms down the hall, calling for my best friend.

He must’ve finished work early. I didn’t expect to be here when he got home.

“In here!” She bites her lip, looking down at her costume and the mess on the bed.

“I have a ferret that needs to be played with!” Bane comes barging through the door.

I expect him to be holding Francesca, their pet ferret, who has been penned up in her cage because it’s not safe for her with all the pins and stuff. But apparently Bane isn’t referring to his pet. It’s the one in his pants he’d like Ruby to play with. And I’m looking at it right now.

“Holy mother!” I bring my hand up to cover my eyes because I’m unable to look away. I think I might be having a hot flash. All I managed to get a glimpse of was the head, because Bancroft’s enormous fist is covering the entire shaft. But that alone tells me an incredible amount about the size of that thing.

I feel bad that I immediately compare Armstrong’s penis to what I’ve seen of Bancroft’s.





Chapter 8: Costume Design Flaws


Ruby

“Bane, put that away! You’re scaring Amie!” I’m actually not sure if he’s scaring her at all. She has her hand up in front of her face, but she’s clearly peeking through her fingers.

I’ve shared the size of Bane’s cock with her. I’ve mentioned my new religion: the Church of Bane Cock. I’ve written sonnets about how beautiful it is. Not really, but I’ve made up a couple of limericks. In my head. That I’ve shared with no one but the bathroom mirror.

Amie has also mentioned the averageness of her fiancé’s penis. I wonder if it’s possible that she’s even exaggerated the averageness for the sake of his ego. And if so, I’m so very, very sad for her. Bane’s cock is the kind of thing that inspires shrines. And lockjaw. Although at this point I’m fairly good at the unlocking part.

Bancroft’s irritation is fused with disappointment and lust. “For fuck’s sake.” He turns around and tucks himself away, much to my dismay.

While he’s doing this, Amie frantically searches through the costumes for her clothes, rambling about how she should be going. She practically slams into the wall trying to give Bane a wide berth as she exits the room.

“I’ll just see myself out.” She fumbles for the door handle and pulls it closed behind her.

Bane, red-faced, motions to the bedroom. “Why didn’t you tell me Amie was still going to be here? What the hell is going on?”

“We lost track of time, I guess. We were trying on costumes.” I think it’s pretty clear what we’ve been up to.

Bane runs a hand through his hair, which messes it up. He has curls. Gorgeous, thick curls. The kind I fuck up when I grab his hair.

“We need to talk about this shit.”

“I’ll clean up the mess.”

“Not the mess, Ruby.” His gaze rakes over me.

It’s then I realize I’m still wearing the Wonder Woman costume.

The knock at our bedroom door startles us both. “Okay. I’m leaving. Talk to you later, Ruby. Sorry about surprising you, Bane!”