Eye Candy

“Aw, these aren’t scary. Here lies Bea. A. Fraid. Lame! Luke, come look. Some of these are kind of funny.”

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I turn around and dig it out, saying, “Just read them to me,” as I swipe my thumb across the screen.

I look at the message from Ben.

Mia’s pregnant. We just found out today. She wanted to tell Tessa first, but I’m thinking hearing it from you might be better. Not sure how she’s gonna react.

The sound of Tessa’s soft laugh lifts my head, and the words pour out of my mouth before I have the chance to even think about what I’m saying, how I’m saying it, if I should be fucking saying it at all. They just come out.

Words that could kill her. I just say them.

“Mia’s pregnant.”

Tessa stands from the squatting position she was in and blinks at me. “What?” she asks, voice quiet.

My shoulders pull back.

That what isn’t because she didn’t hear me. I know she heard me.

That what is just another way of saying what the fuck?

Why them? Why not us?

“Your brother just texted me,” I tell her, stuffing my phone away without giving him a response. He knows what I’m dealing with. “They wanted you to know first. They just found out. Hey . . .”

Tessa starts shaking her head, her hand coming up to cover her mouth and her eyes lowering to the dirt. “I did it again,” she murmurs. “I can’t believe I did it again.”

I move closer, staring hard at her face and trying to see her better. “You did what again?”

What is she talking about?

“I felt . . . I don’t know, angry. I was angry at Mia. That’s the first thing I felt, Luke.” She looks at me then, and even though it’s dark and the light is shadowing her face, I know she has tears in her eyes. “The same thing happened when Beth told us on girls’ night that she was pregnant. I got pissed off. I got pissed off because she was pregnant and I wasn’t. How could I feel that? That’s so fucked up. And to Mia and Ben? God . . . what the fuck? Seriously? How could I feel that toward my best friend and my brother? What’s wrong with me?”

“Babe—”

“What’s wrong with me, Luke?” she repeats, her voice cracking. “I’m serious. There’s something wrong with me. I know there is. God . . . this shouldn’t be hard! Everyone else is getting pregnant. So why not us? I don’t get it! Is it something I did? Is it something I’m not doing? I know five months isn’t that long for some people, but I’m not some people. So what? What is it?” A sob catches in her throat. Her fists clench, shaking as she raises them next to her face.

Tessa looks ready to scream or cry or both.

I can’t breathe. Seeing her like this—it fucking kills me.

I move, needing to get to her. Needing to touch her somehow. But just as I’m about to reach out and pull her into my arms, Tessa rounds the tombstone she’s standing in front of to get back out onto the path and charges ahead.

“Let’s just go,” she says, staying just out of my reach, her feet hurrying her. “Let’s just keep going and get the fuck out of here. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t—” her voice cuts with a scream when a figure lunges out of the shadows, and Tessa reacts, no hesitation, throwing one helluva punch.

The figure hits the ground, groaning.

Lots of groaning.

Exactly the way he did the first time . . .

“Oh fuck,” I mumble, eyes wide and locked on the guy who is absolutely going to fucking sue us. No doubt about that now.

“Dude! Again?” he bellows.

Hands raised, I watch the clown slowly get to his feet and adjust his mask. “Wasn’t me. Swear to God. I was back there,” I say, looking over at Tessa and expecting her to confirm my innocence. “Babe?”

Tessa has her hand covering her mouth and her head lowered, keeping her face out of view.

My gut tightens. I feel nauseous and ready to knock this idiot out again just to get some fucking privacy with my woman, until Tessa’s soft, breathy laugh pushes out from between her fingers. Her shoulders begin to jerk.

I smile.

Running a hand over my hair, I start laughing then too. I can’t help it.

“Oh. Nice. Real nice. You both are major assholes, you know that?” the clown asks. “Fuck you very much. My mom is going to freak out on me now. Two black eyes? We’re getting family pictures tomorrow!”

Tessa leans into me, laughing harder now. She lowers her hand from her mouth to grip the Henley thermal I’m wearing.

I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair, my entire body shaking against hers.

“I think it’d be best if you both just go.”

Not a bad idea.

“Babe?” I lean away to see her face.

This is her call.

Briefly meeting my eyes, Tessa nods and then looks at the clown. “We’re going. This place sucks balls,” she tells him before spinning around so I can lead her back the way we came.

“Sucks balls? You both just can’t handle it!”

“Go get some ice, junior!” I holler, causing Tessa to fall into a laughing fit again, her head hitting the side of my chest when I pull her closer and her arm circling my waist.

“Don’t make fun of me, guy! That’s so not cool!”

“Dumb fuckin’ idiot. I told you that kid was gonna end up getting punched a lot in his life,” I murmur against the top of Tessa’s head as we follow the path. We pass a group of teenage girls who look two seconds away from turning around and following us out. “Didn’t think it’d be my woman doing it though. That was fuckin’ hot, babe.”

Tessa remains quiet.

When I tilt my head down to look at her, I can see her eyes are lost in focus on the dirt. She’s not smiling anymore or laughing at what just happened.

She’s back inside her head again. Worrying. Wondering. Most likely thinking the worst about herself in terms of reacting the way she did and the shit we’re going through.

That’s just it though—we’re going through it. She’s not alone. And it’s my fault if she thinks she is. I should’ve made sure Tessa knew I was with her months ago when I first started seeing signs of concern. I should’ve brought it up, even if it did mean upsetting her even more.

When you pick at a wound, it bleeds. But we should’ve been talking about this.

Her question from minutes ago circles around in my head. I can still hear it. Only now, I’m wondering the same thing.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Babe.”

Tessa’s body stiffens at the sound of my voice. She blinks, sending a tear rolling down her cheek, and turns her face so it’s buried against my side and I can’t watch her break apart.

Regrets sits like a heavy weight pressing on my chest. It’s unforgiving.

Maybe it should be.

I didn’t say a fucking word to her, and I should’ve.

“Come here.” I stop walking then and bend down, slide one arm underneath Tessa’s knees, and pick her up so she’s cradled against my front. “I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much. Nothing’s changing that,” I tell her, needing her to know this in case she’s questioning it.