I hadn’t done the same for him and now I wondered how her snarky digs must have cut him. I wondered if he had needed my encouragement as much as I needed his.
I wondered if I had enjoyed his code words and sarcastic tolerance of my family, if we would still be together. I wondered if those small things would have fixed us.
Or at least kept us from breaking.
But it was all pointless now. Nick was gone and I was left to face my family alone.
“Take two biscuits,” she demanded. “You’ll never find another man with those cheekbones.”
“Cess,” my dad warned with his rumble of a voice. “Let the girl eat. She doesn’t need your instructions. I’m sure she’s got the basics of it figured out by now.”
My mother’s disgruntled expression argued differently, but she let it drop. Cecily Simmons was a force to be reckoned with. I had never been under a different impression. My mother had intimidated the world from day one.
But I had been born with something wild and uncaring. My mom overwhelmed me easily. I knew better than to talk back. I knew better than to start something with her.
And yet, I could not keep my mouth shut.
It might be some kind of disease.
I should probably get it checked out.
I told my mashed potatoes, “I’m not sure I want to find another man.”
My mom snorted a bitter laugh and I felt my father freeze from across the table. I didn’t have to look at him to know I’d shocked the hell out of him and not in a good way.
“Of course you want to find another man,” my mother insisted. “You think that now, but give it a few months or a year. You won’t want to be alone. You’ll get lonely and then you’ll see. You’ll know you need a man.”
As if my mother’s words weren’t damaging enough, my father chimed in, “It’s dangerous out there, Katie.”
Ladies and gentlemen, my parents’ opinion of me. Neither of them thought I was capable of taking care of myself. A man had to be part of my equation or I was destined to turn into a crazy cat lady that was raped and pillaged in her own home one night by the pizza delivery guy.
As if my future didn’t feel bleak enough… Geez. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
And obviously my army of cats would protect me.
“Come on, guys,” Josh interrupted again. “Enough already. She walked in the house five minutes ago and you’re already giving her a hard time. Let her breathe a little, alright?”
Both of my parents looked put out this time. I wanted to cry.
One of my nieces piped up, wanting more mashed potatoes and the attention, thankfully, shifted off me.
Josh had two beautiful girls that were as well behaved as children could be and still be kids. They whined too loud and they screamed like banshees when they got mad, but they were beautiful and lovely and so precious they made my uterus ache.
Delaney and Adalyn had been easy for Josh and Emily. They had gotten pregnant exactly on schedule with their perfect lives, just like Josh had gotten the position he wanted and the raise he needed when they decided to start a family. Life worked out for Josh in a way that was completely unfamiliar to me.
Not that I didn’t think he worked hard. I did. I knew he gave his hundred and ten percent and worked his ass off to be where he was today. But he shined brighter or something. The universe loved him more or maybe he had a head start toward perfection.
I worked hard too. I worked my ass off too. And yet… there was something missing.
I didn’t have a gorgeous house in the suburbs or my two point five kids. I barely had a puppy and a job that paid less than tolerable wages.
I had a mountain of student loan debt and a husband that didn’t fight for me.
And a pity party.
I had a massive pity party that made me sick of myself and of the constantly self-absorbed thoughts I couldn’t shake. Ugh.
I needed a wakeup call.
Or a giant bottle of Grey Goose.
“So how’s the school year going so far?” Emily asked while my parents drilled Josh about his newest promotion opportunity.