“But that means Mom, Rick and Charlie are safe, right?” I ask. “Because now they’ll be turning this state upside down to look for me, instead of looking for them.”
“Maybe, but we can’t know for sure what they’re going to do,” Uncle Matty says.
“Everything is going to work out,” I say. “I know it is. It has to.”
“Phoenix isn’t exactly a common name,” Brooks says. “Can’t they just look up your first name, and easily track you to East Raven?”
“No. She’s not in the system as Phoenix,” Uncle Matty says. “We wanted her to have a different name all together, but Phoenix is stubborn.”
“I can barely remember my fake last name,” I say. “Trust me, I would’ve slipped up a thousand times over if you made me go by something else.”
“It’s true,” Estaine says. “She always had a different story about her parents every time we talked. Plus, every time she lies, it’s clearly written on her face.”
I smile as I look at Estaine, loving that he’s saying that.
I hate lying, and I know my life depends on me being able to lie well, but I don’t want to be a good liar. In fact, I really hate lying.
I’m glad I can be honest with Estaine.
Brooks clears his throat. “Uh... Phoenix, I really am sorry I kissed you.”
I turn my attention to him.
His blue eyes.
He is still the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met.
Yet, I’m still mad at him.
Furiously mad.
“Can we still be friends?” he asks.
What a loaded question?
Do I want to be friends with Brooks?
Yes.
Do I want to be more than friends with him?
Maybe.
I don’t know.
“Just friends,” he clarifies, as if he can read my thoughts.
“Just friends,” I say.
Because friendship is all I can offer Brooks right now. It’s all I can offer anybody right now.
Because my life is in danger.
Because I’m confused.
Because I think I might have feelings for Estaine.
I don’t know what my future holds, or if I even have a future. But one thing I do know for sure. I’m ready for my happy ever after.
Sunday, September 3
I wouldn’t bring you back.
It’s laundry day. Because, even after the most mortifying and embarrassing day of my life, I still have to have clean clothes. Sometimes, life really isn’t fair.
Estaine brought his laundry over to the girls’ dorm so we could do it together. I love that he did, because I don’t want to be alone right now. I could barely sleep last night because I was worried that a terrorist was going to come kidnap me again.
I stayed at Uncle Matty and Jake’s house last night as a precaution. They weren’t too worried, but it’s hard to tell with them. I think sometimes they act like everything is perfectly okay because they don’t want to worry me. I’m pretty sure the two of them could act cool even under attack. It’s probably the first thing they teach you when you’re training to be Secret Service.
When I woke up this morning, I was thankful I was still safe at Uncle Matty and Jake’s place. There were no terrorists, and no viral video of the kiss cam incident.
Maybe we overreacted. No, not about the kiss. I’m still mad at Brooks for kissing me when I didn’t want him to. But maybe the kiss cam incident wasn’t a big deal.
“Are you doing okay?” Estaine asks, when he sees me that morning.
“Yeah,” I answer, as I put my clothes into the front loading washer. “I mean, I was worried last night, but I guess it was all for no reason. No terrorists came, so I guess we’re good.”
“Yeah,” he says, but he doesn’t sound convinced. “I was worried about you all night. Well, I have been for a while. Since I first found out.”
“It’ll be okay,” I tell him.
“You shouldn’t be the one comforting me,” he says. “You’re the one who lives every day in danger.”
I shut the washing machine and start the cycle. “I’m not worried. Uncle Matty and Jake are good at their job. They’re the ones who rescued me the first time I was kidnapped. I’m confident they can find me again.”
“I guess,” he says, rubbing the back of his head. “Just, what happens if... I mean, what if they...” his voice trails off. “I want you to be safe. And... alive.”
I actually hadn’t thought of that.
If they killed me instead of kidnapping me.
But what would they win if they killed me?
“This group... they have something against my dad. They want to use me as leverage. They can’t use me if I’m dead,” I say. “So, don’t worry about me.”
“It just... sucks,” Estaine says. “And why your dad? My dad’s a politician too. It could’ve easily been me instead of you.”
“I’m glad it’s not you,” I say. “I want you to be safe. Besides, my dad is part of the group that writes laws for our country. That makes him disliked by a lot of people.”
“You know, my dad is going to hate the fact that your dad’s republican,” he says.
I laugh. “And my dad is going to hate that yours is democrat. But he will like you. I mean, as long as you vote for him when you’re old enough.”
“Your dad raised you, so he’s got to be pretty good, right?”
“I think he’s pretty cool,” I say. “But maybe I’m a little biased.”