“But I’m here. You can talk to me,” he says.
I nod, knowing I can. I probably should tell him anyway.
“Brooks came by,” I tell him. “And I hurt his feelings.”
I can feel Estaine’s muscles stiffen up as I tell him, but his face doesn’t react.
“What happened?” he asks.
“He stopped by because I haven’t replied to any of his text messages,” I say. “I didn’t know what to tell him. And he had heard about us, and he wanted to know if it was true or not.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That it’s true,” I answer. “And that I didn’t mean to hurt him. I really didn’t mean to, Estaine. Brooks was so nice to me and I think I broke his heart. He asked me why I chose you over him.”
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“It’s not your fault. I’m not even crying over Brooks. I’m crying about every stupid thing that has happened in my life lately. Him coming over here just set it all in motion,” I say. “I never wanted to hurt him.”
“Do you like Brooks?” Estaine asks.
“I know you don’t like him, but he’s always been kind to me,” I say. “I want to be his friend. But how can I? I don’t think he wants to be my friend. I think he wants more, and I can’t give him more. I can’t.”
“I’m sorry,” he says again.
“It’s not your fault,” I say. “He also said something else... something about you.”
“I’m sure he had lovely things to say about me,” Estaine says, and I’m about ninety-nine percent sure he’s being sarcastic.
“He told me he knew that I liked you as more than a friend,” I say. “I didn’t even know that, so how could he know that?”
He smiles. “Despite what you think, you are an open book. Your feelings are on your face and it’s so easy to read. You should never play poker.”
I grin, too.
Because, yes, my life is absolutely falling apart around me. But I have great friends. And I have Estaine, who is pretty much the best fake boyfriend a girl could have. It definitely could be worse.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
“For what?” he asks.
“For... knowing me better than I know myself,” I answer. “You always know what to say to me.”
“What are fake boyfriends for?” he asks.
I shake my head at him. “You are far too nice to me.”
“Like I said, pretending to date you isn’t that much of a hardship,” he says.
And I wonder...
Does he like me, too?
Friday, September 1
I just want to be happy.
I am actually surprised by the number of people who stay on campus.
Estaine stayed, of course. I feel bad about that, but he insisted. I knew that he simply wouldn’t take no for an answer. A lot of people were pretty mad about that, because they were planning on going to his party. I’m guessing that means Brooks will definitely have more people coming to his party this year.
Brooks...
I wish things were different... that I could tell him the truth about who I really am. But I can’t. Not if I want to stay at East Raven Academy. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him the truth.
“What are we supposed to do this weekend?” I ask Estaine, as I’m lying on my bed. He’s on Teagan’s bed.
Teagan went with Jason somewhere, over the holiday, which is apparently a big deal. They usually only talk while they’re at school. Maybe they’re taking their relationship to a new level.
I wonder if Jason is who Teagan “has a crush on.”
Certainly, she would’ve told me if it was Jason, though. Or I would’ve figured it out.
“I have plans,” Estaine answers. “If your bodyguards let us.”
“Uncle Matty and Jake are not my bodyguards,” I say. “They’re secret service. Seriously. They’ve already threatened to get me a bodyguard. That would be horrible.”
Unless he was hot.
That might not be so bad.
“Why do you call him Uncle Matty?”
“His idea,” I answer. “It’s what I’ve always called him. It’s best to keep the habit of calling him uncle, so I don’t slip up.”
“Oh,” Estaine says. “Okay.”
“So, you asked them if we can do something off campus?” I ask.
“Yes,” he answers. “But I’m not telling you what, yet. I want you to be surprised.”
“I don’t care what it is as long as I get to leave this stupid school campus,” I say. “I feel like this place is a prison.”
“Well, Uncle Matty said don’t get your hopes up,” he says.
I laugh. “Sounds like Uncle Matty.”
“How long have you known them?” Estaine asks. “You seem to know them pretty well.”
“I do. I’ve known them since the spring, when I first got kidnapped. They’re the ones who rescued me, and I guess they kind of liked me, because they requested to be put on my case,” I say. “I spent, like, three weeks this summer at their homes before school started. I got to know them and their kids. It was kind of fun.”
“You’re an easy person to like,” he says.
“Funny. Charlie might disagree with you.”