“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asks.
“No. I don’t think so. I mean, maybe strong attraction,” I answer. “But, I think love grows over time. Like, say a couple might be in love after a few weeks or months of dating, but that love doesn’t compare to what they feel for each other five years down the road. Things happen that bring them closer and make them fight for each other. That’s what strengthens it. Like, maybe if my parents had been married ten years instead of five, maybe their marriage could’ve survived the death of my sister. But I’ll never know.”
He stays quiet beside me.
“What about you?” I ask. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“I didn’t, but I think maybe I do now,” he answers.
I wonder what he means by he thinks he does now, but I don’t ask. I figure if he wanted to tell me, he would.
“Is... are you... is Brooks your boyfriend?” Estaine asks.
“No,” I answer.
“Good,” he says. “Brooks likes to move really fast, and I just don’t want you to rush into a relationship with him.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about that with him,” I say.
And he is wrong.
Brooks doesn’t go fast.
At least, he said he’s not going fast with me. Maybe he did learn something from his relationship with River.
“So... Teagan says you don’t date girls at school,” I say, hoping that I’m not being too personal. “Besides some girl, freshman year. But I was wondering why you don’t date. All the girls here like you. And not to sound creepy or anything, but you’re kind of hot.”
He smiles. “Hot?”
I nod, my face growing warm.
“I just saw the way River was with Brooks. And then Emma and Bryce,” he says. “I guess I didn’t want to deal with the drama of a high school romance. None of the girls have been worth it.”
“Oh,” I say, hating how much his comment stings.
Brooks.
I like Brooks.
Dang Teagan getting in my head.
“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date a girl if I liked her enough,” he says.
“And make all the other girls in school jealous?” I ask.
Me, included.
Because I have to admit to myself, I would be a tiny bit jealous if he did date somebody else.
“Would you be jealous?” he asks.
Can he read my mind?
Seriously, that was freaky.
Knowing that he can tell when I lie, I nod my head. “Yeah.”
I don’t want to add more lies onto my already guilty conscience, anyway. I need one person in my life I can be completely honest with, and Estaine is the one I choose to be honest with.
“Does Brooks know about... everything?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I can’t tell him. I mean, I don’t want to. You’re the only person I’ve told.”
He smiles, and I wonder what he’s thinking.
“Where do you think Teagan and Jason are?” I ask, looking behind us. I don’t see them anywhere in the clearing.
“Probably making out somewhere,” he answers.
“Probably,” I agree, and then blurt out, “I’ve never kissed a guy before.”
“Really?” he asks, looking shocked. “I find that really hard to believe.”
“It’s true,” I say.
“The guys at your old school were complete morons,” Estaine says.
Brooks said something really similar.
“All the guys here watch you,” he says. “I’m surprised that you haven’t been asked out by half the male students, yet.”
“Teagan says that everybody thinks we’re dating,” I blurt out, before I have time to even think about it.
Uh.
My mouth has no filter.
“Yeah, I think I heard that somewhere,” he says, grinning at me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be awkward.”
“Trust me, I like it.”
“I think I’m really comfortable with you,” I say. “Usually, I only blurt things out when I’m nervous or when I’m really comfortable with somebody. Like, I always say random things to Charlie.”
“I want you to be comfortable with me,” he says. “And, like I said, I like that you’re a little bit awkward. It makes you seem more... human.”
“I don’t seem human?” I ask, trying not to sound offended.
“I mean... sometimes you seem like you’re too perfect.”
Too perfect?
Is he serious?
“I’m far from perfect, trust me,” I say. “You, of all people, know that. I’m lying to everybody here.”
“But you’re doing it because of your safety. It’s not like your lying because you want to,” he says. “And I know that you’re not a liar normally.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you’re a really bad liar. You have the worst poker face,” he says.
I smile at his words.
Because I’ve been so worried about all the lying.
I hate lying.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
“For what?”
“For saying that. I feel like I’m turning into a pathological liar,” I say. “You’re, literally, the only person I can be myself around, right now.”
“Well, thank you for sharing your secret with me.”
“We should hang out more often,” I say.
Because this is nice.
Being with Estaine.
Being myself.
Not having to watch what I say.
“I’m definitely okay with that,” he says.
Sunday, August 27
You better have kissed the boy.