Because I need to know. I want to hear that the principal was old. That he lived alone and left nobody behind. Not that it makes his death any less, but I would like to know that he doesn’t have a family left behind to mourn him.
“The principal was thirty seven. He was married with two kids, and a third on the way,” Jake tells me. “The student who died was fifteen. He was a straight A student and an only child. And the student fighting for her life is sixteen. She was dating the other boy, and they were in the principal’s office because they were caught kissing in the hallway. She has one older brother and two younger sisters.”
I notice he doesn’t tell me their names, and for that I am grateful. Somehow, hearing their names makes it feel more real. I feel guilty enough already. If it wasn’t for me, they would all be okay. The day would’ve been normal. The two kids might have gotten after-school detention, but they’d be healthy and alive, and I want that for them.
“What am I supposed to tell my friends?” I wipe at my face. “I just told them I had a family emergency and ran out of there as fast as I could.”
“Why’d you do that?” Uncle Matty asks, obviously annoyed.
“Because I was worried that something bad had happened to my family,” I say. “It was the only thing I could come up with on short notice.”
“Fine. Okay,” he says, letting out a breath.
“Tell them your favorite cousin, Jake, was in a car accident,” Jake says. “I’m fine, of course. Just a few cuts and bruises.”
“Okay,” I say, nodding. “I can do that.”
“Take some time and get yourself back together,” Jake says. “You can skip the rest of the day if you need to.”
I nod. “I know. But I want to get back and see if I made the soccer team.” I cringe. “Those people died because of me and I’m worried about making the stupid soccer team. What’s wrong with me?”
“It’s not your fault,” Jake says. “And you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do. You’re sixteen and your life was turned upside down. You’re starting over and doing the best you can. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Easier said...
5pm.
My little secret.
I do skip my classes for the rest of the day, but show up for soccer. I find out that I made the A soccer team, which is awesome. I’m super excited to be doing something that will help me get my mind off... everything.
After I’m all showered after practice, I get a text from Brooks, which makes me smile. We haven’t talked a lot today. I’ve just been so stressed that I haven’t felt like talking to anybody.
BROOKS: Hi.
Why does this one word text make me smile so big? I don’t know. I like him way more than I should.
ME: Hi. So guess what?
BROOKS: You’re transferring to West Raven???
ME: No. But I did make the soccer team. The A team.
BROOKS: Awesome. I will be at your first game.
ME: REALLY?? :)
BROOKS: Yep. Because your first game is against West Raven. You’ll be at my school. (Where you ACTUALLY belong).
I laugh, loving that Brooks wishes I was at his school. Because I wish the same thing about him. If I’d met him before I met all my friends, I would’ve requested a change of schools before I ever even arrived.
ME: That’s awesome. Do you think we will be able to talk?
BROOKS: Absolutely. It’s impossible to see you and not want to talk to you. Which is why I risked getting caught to meet you. It was worth it.
I let out a girly sigh as I read the text.
ME: I’m glad you did.
BROOKS: I’m beginning to think you like me.
ME: Maybe.
BROOKS: Maybe, huh? Well... I kind of like you.
I let out a girly squeal and I’m suddenly glad that Teagan is still in the shower, because, wow. How embarrassing.
My phone vibrates again.
ESTAINE: How long are you going to avoid me?
A long time.
Seriously.
I ignore him and reply to Brooks.
ME: I might kind of like you too. A little bit.
Or a lot.
Definitely a lot.
BROOKS: Will you hang out with me Saturday? I want to spend the day with you.
He wants to hang out.
Hang out, like a date?
ME: YES.
ME: I actually didn’t mean to send all caps.
ME: Okay, I lied. I did mean to send all caps. But I don’t want you to think I’m too excited.
BROOKS: LOL. It’s okay. I’m excited too.
BROOKS: Like, definitely more excited than I should be.
ME: Good.
I set my phone down, smiling at the conversation with Brooks.
I’m pretty sure I have a date on Saturday.
“Ah, crap,” I say out loud.
There is no way that Uncle Matty and Jake are going to let me off campus on Saturday. Like, no freaking way. The only way I could go off campus is if I was dying and needed to go to the hospital, and even then, I wouldn’t be surprised if they brought a surgeon on campus to take care of me.