“I’m doing this for Kai, not you. And because I love my aunt.” I state simply.
Raindrops begin to pelt the window behind me and then they pick up speed. Garrett takes a deep breath but doesn’t move. He’s looking between me and his son, and a strange expression comes over his face. It’s a weak smile that’s a mix of contentment and worry. I can tell the questions he asked me tonight have been bothering him, and he looks like he’s formulating the next one. Our silence isn’t exactly uncomfortable, but something hangs in the air between us that I can’t grasp.
“Your aunt is a wonderful woman. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” He stretches his legs out and tucks the pillow tighter under his cheek. “When I’ve been home, I can’t think of a time when she didn’t have my life in perfect order.”
“Even down to a sock drawer,” I say, and he immediately nods his head in agreement. I know my aunt so well. She’s a perfectionist and everything has its place.
“Seriously, who knew you could fold socks that way?” he says and for the first time, I feel at ease with him, even though I wanted to pummel him when we met. His arrogance and ignorance were dumbfounding.
I suddenly feel the need to tell him. “Why were you such a jerk?”
I can tell he’s taken off guard by my question, because the comfortable smile that was on his face disappears.
“I was afraid, Sam.” He pauses to clear his throat. “I am afraid.”
How can I go from contempt to caring? I was so angry with him during his absence that I prepared an epic speech, ready to chastise him and his terrible choices. I planned to eviscerate him with my words, tear him down so he could feel small and insignificant. I was so angry with him for abandoning his son. And suddenly, I empathize with him and his fear. He’s as ill prepared for this as any unsuspecting bachelor would be.
“I need your help,” he says.
“I am helping, Garrett. This is what I do.”
“No, I mean, I need you to teach me how to do all of this.” His eyes are pleading and his voice is soft. I’m shocked by his request and proud of him at the same time. Why the sudden change of heart?
“Of course I can teach you, but you’d be surprised how much of it you’ll do naturally. Instinct takes over and you suddenly know how to parent.”
He lets out a soft breath. “Again, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point. I have no instincts, and a few weeks ago, I didn’t want anything to do with being a parent.”
“And now you do?” I ask as I hope this is a legitimate breakthrough. “What made you suddenly decide to try?”
“My mom and dad.”
“Really?”
“They told me Kai deserves a normal and healthy life. I think I want to give that to him.”
I raise my eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“I haven’t been around much lately because I’ve been staying with my parents. I had to tell them about Kai and what was going on, and I wanted to do that in person. After I came home, and met Kai for the first time, I went back to their house. I tried to hide down there. I was afraid to come back.” He looks ashamed and my heart tugs. That explains why he hasn’t been around.
“But you came back,” I state.
“My mother’s very convincing,” he whispers.
“Garrett, if you want to do this, you have to be all in. Do you think you can do that?”
“I have to, don’t I?”
I nod slowly and close my eyes. “Why don’t you sleep on it and tell me in the morning if you want to begin baby boot camp.”
“Sounds like a plan,” he says and stretches comfortably. His eyes become heavy and he sighs deeply.
I also feel sleep pulling me deep, and I don’t fight it. I take it when it comes as infrequently as that may be.
WHEN I WAKE UP, KAI IS STILL MIRACULOUSLY ASLEEP, molded into my chest. He draws from my warmth so he can recharge.
My heart sinks when I see that the day-bed is empty and Garrett is gone.
Garrett
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 26