Which didn’t make any sense.
Sometimes it felt like I was going crazy, my mind battling within itself. It was hard to feel so much and not remember why it was there to begin with. How overpowering it was to experience such deep sentiments and not know if they were old or new. Real or imaginary.
I was extremely grateful that one thing had returned to normal though. I was allowed to go back to school to finish my junior year with my classmates. Even though there were only a few months left till summer vacation. I remember walking down the hall my first day back, terrified of the looks and whispers I was sure I’d receive, but it was the opposite. I was welcomed back with open arms. I even ran into my friend, Jill, who surprisingly I kind of remembered. We talked for a while over lunch, agreeing to get together for a mall date since prom season was approaching fast.
I was nervous to approach my parents’ about ditching the homeschooling, but with the help of my therapist, it was a little easier. I caught up with everything I had missed while I was gone and was actually ahead in most of my classes. I guess I had my mom to thank for that since she had been home schooling me since I found out I was pregnant, saying it was easier on everyone that way.
My parents’ were reluctant at first, afraid it would be a setback in my recovery. Not realizing I had yet to really take any steps forward. I was beyond relieved when they finally agreed, nonetheless.
Noah and I celebrated that night at the beach.
“I hated school. Dropped out when I was fifteen,” he shared, looking out at the ocean.
“Well... it’s never too late to try again. A lot can change in five years.”
“Mia, it ain’t normal that you want to go back to school, pretty girl,” he chuckled, trying to reach for me.
I pulled away. “You just gave me a backhanded compliment. You don’t get to cuddle.”
“Cuddlin’? That what we doin’?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you think we’re doing?”
He grinned. “Somethin’ I’ve been wantin’ to do with you for as long as I can remember.”
“Which is?”
“Be wit’ you.”
“You are with me.”
“Am I?”
“We’re together right now.”
“We’ve been together almost every day.”
“I know,” I giggled. “You’re a stage five clinger.”
He laughed, big and throaty. Lunging for me, grabbing a hold of my waist before I could get away. He didn’t hesitate, picking me up off the sand as if I weighed nothing. Throwing me over his shoulder, holding onto the back of my knees to lock me in place.
“Hey! This isn’t fair! You’re bigger than me!” I shouted, pressing my hands on his back to look up and see where we were going.
He was walking toward the water.
“No! It’s nighttime! I could get eaten by sharks!” I squealed, trying to break loose. I instantly started tickling under his arms, making him fall to his knees, laying me down in the sand.
My breathing hitched when I realized he was now hovering above me. His face only a few inches away from mine. There was something about the moment that seemed so familiar to me, stirring all sort of emotions all over again.
“I wanna kiss you,” he whispered out of nowhere.
“So, kiss me.”
His eyes narrowed in on my face, going from my lips back up to my eyes. “Not gonna kiss you until I know for sure you’re mine.” With that, he stood, leaving me wanting, needing to feel his lips on mine.
The next day he surprised me with his enrollment papers to get his GED. Saying I made him want to be a better man. I think he just wanted brownie points with me, to be honest. Either way, I was proud of him.
It had been over a month since I’d gone back to school, and things were going great. My classmates treated me the same, knowing my current condition as well as the school and teachers. Most of them I remembered, but some I didn’t have any idea who they were. It was easy to fall into a normal routine again, not feeling like I was struggling one bit. Even smiling more often than not. If anything for the first time since I got back, it felt natural. I recalled being a good student in the past, so that was probably why it was simple to fall back into my schoolwork and classes. It was definitely the breath of fresh air I needed.
Noah and I spent every second we could with each other. Learning something new about one another with each passing day. What made him happy, what made him smile, what made him laugh his ass off. It was interesting to peel back the different layers that made Noah who he was.
A man I think I was completely falling for.
The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to be around him. He made me feel safe, secure, wanted. No longer the lonely girl trapped in the purgatory of her mind. He brought light back into my life, stifling the darkness. At least when he was with me. His presence alone comforted me more than anyone else’s, but I often wondered if that would be the case if someone else were here, too.
I hadn’t received any more texts from Creed after the first one three months ago. Chalking it up to the fact that I never replied. I didn’t know what was the right or wrong thing to say, so I left it alone. I kept it saved on my phone, pulling it up whenever I was feeling lonely. Typing out a message, only to delete it right away. I couldn’t even tell you how many times my finger hovered over the send button. Thoughts of him never drifted from my mind, especially when I was with Noah.
My therapist said it was probably from the two of them being so similar to one another. My brain was picking up on things that reminded me of Creed. Plus, my mind knew they were brothers, and that could play a huge factor on its own. I prayed every night Creed was safe. Looking up at the stars, laying on the lounger on my balcony. Writing in the notebook Dr. Garcia gave me to keep track of my feelings. Half the time I didn’t even realize I was doing it, and that alone felt so unexpectedly familiar to me. As if it wasn’t the first time I had done so.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Noah asked, glancing at me while he drove my Jeep.
“Where are we going?” I replied, blowing off his question.
“It’s a surprise, pretty girl.”
He loved to surprise me with all sorts of stuff anytime he could, which happened too often. Bringing me flowers every few weeks, replacing the others that had died, became part of his routine. Attaching little cards that had simple swoon-worthy sentiments on them like, ‘Hey good lookin’,’ or ‘These reminded me of you. Hope they remind you of me.’ Always signed, ‘Have a great day, beautiful,’ — A messy heart, Noah. Stirring all sorts of emotions out of me.
“Awe! Come on, give me a hint!”
“Alright... you’re gonna need to close your eyes when I tell you to.”
I unexpectedly jerked back.
“What?” He grinned. “You don’t think I’m kidnappin’ you, do you?”
“Can’t kidnap what’s already yours,” I murmured, too low for him to hear.