“I don’t know. I think about him a lot... more than I probably should,” I nervously laughed. “Sometimes I think it’s because I want him to tell me what happened. Give me some closure. Confront him to ask why he took me... and then other times I think it’s from missing him. That’s what confuses me the most, Doctor. How can I miss a man I don’t remember?”
“Our mind and hearts are two different organs, Mia. Just because you don’t remember your memories, doesn’t mean you can’t recall your emotions. The deep feelings may be coming from your core, reminding you of happier times.
“That’s deep, Doc.”
“Let’s walk through how you felt witnessing the burial.”
“We have been through this already. Out of everything you ask me to recall, for some reason that is the hardest.”
“It’s because I’m making you tap into those raw emotions. Pulling them forward in your mind so you can heal. You may not want to relive it, but it will eventually prove that you shared a bond as a mother to your baby girl, which can trigger so much, Mia. Do me a favor and close your eyes.”
I did.
“Now go back to that point in time and tell me what you feel.”
I took a deep breath, knowing that this was going to hurt. “Okay, I’m standing in the rain...” My mind drifted off, telling the story for me.
I watched with stone-cold eyes as the shiny white casket was lowered into the earth’s soil. The heavens were weeping right along with me, raindrops seeping into my black jacket.
Burning my core.
Little by little.
Deeper and deeper.
Until darkness surrounded me, until all eyes were only staring at me. I could feel their eagerness, like a noose around my neck. Waiting for me to react, waiting for me to break down, just waiting for me to do something.
Anything.
I tried to pretend I wasn't there. I tried to imagine that my life hadn't been changed in a matter of seconds. That my world hadn't been turned upside down in the span of a few hours. That everything I wanted to believe in wasn't truly...
A lie.
It also cost me the love of my life. The person I watched being buried deep into the ground, six feet under, where I would never see them again.
Not one smile.
Not one I love you.
My eyes fluttered open when I realized I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I leaned forward grabbing a tissue off the table, wiping away the emotions I tried so hard to forget.
“Continue, please,” Dr. Garcia said in a sincere tone. “This is good.”
“For who?”
“You.”
I closed my eyes again, picking up where I left off.
“I suddenly felt Noah behind me. Everything about him hurt. His scent, his aura, especially his love for me. For us.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” he voiced in a tone that was filled with nothing but pain and remorse. His guilt was so thick, so consuming, I could feel it engulfing me, making it hard to breathe.
My life ended before it ever had a chance...
To begin.
While I stared at the gray granite tombstone, etched with the last name...
Jameson.
“How does Noah fit into this?” She pulled me away from my memories. Away from my sadness, grateful to be pulled back to reality.
“I mean... he’s been there for me. He came and talked to my parents’. Asking their permission for us to hang out. I still can’t believe the day he showed up at my house unannounced, a few days after the altercation. All bruised and cut up, asking to speak to my parents alone. They went out on the patio, shutting the sliding glass door behind them, but that didn’t stop me from eavesdropping. I hopped up on the kitchen counter and slid the window open a crack so I could listen.”
“If it weren’t for my wife, you wouldn’t be in my house. You have ten minutes before I kick your ass out,” Dad ordered in a harsh tone.
“Sir, first I want to apologize for my behavior at the cemetery. That ain’t right, what I did... I’m sorry.”
“Let’s cut the bullshit. Why you really here? You’re now down to eight minutes.”
“Lucas...” Mom reprimanded, making me smile.
“I came here wantin’ to ask your permission to hang out with Mia, sir,” Noah declared, making me jerk back. Almost falling off the counter from the sudden movement.
“This is what you’re wasting my time for?”
“Oh my God, Lucas! Give the man a chance.”
“Look what happened last time we let Mia out... Ended up knocked up by this little shit, and apparently screwing his brother on the side... It’s not fucking happening, Alex. Not anymore. We’re done here.”
I winced, hearing my dad say such hurtful things. He hadn’t talked that way to me. At least not recently.
“Sir, it ain’t like that. Things are different now. I left the MC behind. I wanna fresh start with my life. Make somethin’ of myself. I’m not askin’ to date your daughter. I just want to hang out with her. Be her friend. Maybe help her, ya know?”
“What—”
“I agree, Lucas,” Mom interrupted him. “He has a good point. I want my Mia back... And I’m willing to try anything to make that happen. I know you are, too. So please, put your stubbornness aside for our daughter. She’s not a child anymore. We can’t keep treating her like one. He didn’t have to come here to ask for permission, but he did, out of respect for you. That means something to me and I know it woul,d mean something to you, if you let it.”
“Half-Pint, the answer is no. I don’t want to lose her again.”
“She’s already lost! Let Noah help. Jesus, Lucas... you were far from perfect at their age. I don’t need to remind you what you were like. Mia doesn’t even come close to how you behaved! Noah may not be the man we thought she might end up with, but the same can be said about you! After everything you put me through, my family still gave you a chance. You owe it to your daughter to help her get better. Do you understand me?”
No one spoke for what felt like forever, until finally my dad yelled, “Fine! But if you lay one hand on Mia, touch her in any way. I will hunt you down and it won’t end fucking pretty. You hear?”
“Yes, sir. Thank you.”
“Even after what we all witnessed and heard that day from Creed and Noah’s fight, my dad reluctantly agreed but it was more my mom’s doing. She hopes it will help me remember. I think my dad is just grateful to know the truth behind my disappearance because of Noah. I mean, after Creed took off that day, it was bad.... I mean really bad. I think my dad might also respect the fact that Noah came to him and asked, even though I know he would never admit it.”
Dr. Garcia nodded again. “How do you feel about Noah? You’ve been hanging out with him a lot. Do you ask him questions?”
“I like Noah. I haven’t asked him anything about what I don’t remember, yet.”
“Why? You know he has answers.”
“I just... I mean... I don’t feel like I disappoint Noah, like I do everyone else. Like he’s happy that I don’t remember him. It’s almost like we can start over with a friendship, and I think he likes that as much as I do. I know if I ask him, he’d answer, but a part of me is scared to know what he would say. It’s obvious he hates his brother... I don’t know how sincere he may be about the subject, and I guess I don’t want it to confuse everything even more.”