He might’ve been a major pain in my ass, sarcastic, and an asshole most of the time, but there was so much more to him than those things.
“Mara,” he breathed, his face twisted in pain.
“Stop, please. I know,” I begged, pain clouding my vision. I couldn’t hear him say it. I couldn’t hear him deny me yet again. I knew all the reasons we couldn’t be together, but knowing didn’t change my feelings.
He leaned his forehead against mine. “Come with me.”
I didn’t hesitate to take his hand.
We melted out of the crowd and I caught a brief glimpse of Adelaide and Winston dancing. Both were laughing at something the one had said and seemed to be having a good time. They were also completely oblivious to us leaving, which I was thankful for. I doubted Winston would say anything but I knew Adelaide would be curious about what we were up to. I didn’t even know the answer to that.
People still mingled in the halls but it was much barer than before, most of them having migrated into the ballroom.
Theo led me around and down a hall before stopping in front of a familiar door.
He placed his hand on the knob like before and whispered something I couldn’t understand. The door opened and we stepped into the illuminated garden. Glowing golden orbs hung in the air, suspended by some unseen force. The air was warm with a crisp edge, and everything inside was still lush and green while outside the shield encasing the garden, everything was covered in white.
Theo hadn’t brought me back here since the night of my birthday. I’d missed it, but I figured he was afraid of what might happen again.
I spun around, taking in my surroundings as my dress fanned around my legs.
When I faced Theo again, the look in his eyes stole my breath.
“I’m trying so hard to be good, to do what’s right, but I’ve never done what’s right so why start now?”
I swallowed thickly. “What are you saying?”
“I’m miserable, fucking miserable pretending to be indifferent to you. I hate telling you we can’t be together when that’s all I want. I’ve never wanted anything the way I want you.”
My heart roared like a freight train in my ears.
This isn’t real. He can’t have changed his mind.
“You … You said in there that—”
He shook his head. “I know what I said, and I was wrong. Well, not wrong. We’re not supposed to be together for so many reasons, most I don’t care about, but your safety is the most important to me. But…,” he paused, searching for words. He shoved his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “You said you love me?” he framed it as a question.
I nodded. “I do.”
He nodded too and bit his lip, thinking. “It’s already too late then, right? If you love me and I love you and we’re not together we’d still do anything for each other. So, the way I see it …” He reached out and grabbed a piece of my hair, wrapping it around his finger. “We should be together.”
“Do you really mean that?” My voice shook.
I was scared to hope, terrified at any second he might change his mind or this was some sick twisted game and he wanted to mess with me.
He nodded and touched his hand to my cheek.
Softly.
Hesitantly.
Like he was scared, too—scared I might vanish beneath his fingertips.
“I don’t want to look back on my life and wonder what if I’d dared. Or worse, die without knowing what it’s like to love and be loved.”
My chest rose and fell rapidly with each breath I inhaled. I couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen to my lungs.
“Mara?” he questioned and there was fear in his eyes—fear at being denied or the thought of losing me for good, I didn’t know. “Jesus, way to make a guy sweat, doll face. This feels like a proposal gone wrong.”
“Oh, shut up.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He growled low in his throat and his hands found my waist. This kiss was different. It wasn’t edged with the bitter taste of the lies we told ourselves. This was pure and real, and I felt it all through my body.
There were rules preventing us from being together, but when he kissed me and held me, I knew this was special and something that couldn’t be denied easily.
It’s easy to make rules stopping people from being together when it doesn’t affect you, but when you are affected it’s impossible to fight the temptation.
He broke the kiss and both of us were out of breath.
“I’m afraid I’m going to wake up in the morning and this is all going to have been a dream.”
He shook his head. “Never. I can’t promise to not be an asshole because it’s a ringing quality in my personality but I don’t want to be your shadow. I want to stand by your side as a warrior.”
“You’re already that.”
“I don’t feel it.”
Darkness leeched into his eyes and I knew he was far away in his thoughts.
I backed away from him.
“What are you up to?” The darkness left his eyes and mischief sparked instead.
I kicked off my heels. “You’ll have to catch me first.”
The garden wasn’t large and I knew he could easily catch me, but I’d only wanted to see him smile.
I sprinted as fast as I could and I could hear him running behind me, his laughter echoing around us. I stopped when I reached a corner of the garden, ivy growing up the cement-fenced wall.
He stopped behind me, his presence commanding even when I couldn’t see him.
“I caught you.” He touched my shoulder.
I turned around and faced him. “You did. What’s your prize?”
He smirked. “I haven’t decided yet.”
I spun around and sunk into the grass and leaves. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me.
“Care to join me?” I asked, patting the grass like it was a soft bed.
“Enjoying the view for a moment.”
He waved his hand and the teal fireflies appeared floating above me. The one in the jar necklace he gave me fluttered madly, like it was trying to escape and join its friends.
Theo gazed down at me for a few moments longer before joining me in the grass. I rolled toward him, resting my head on his chest. He tucked one of his arms behind his head and tilted toward me.
“What are we going to do?” I asked. “Once I learn all I can and come into my powers completely.”
He sighed. “Stay here as long as we can, I guess. It’s safest.”
“I feel like I should be out there—” I waved my hand like there was some magical being “—fighting and doing something. Not sitting back and letting other people get killed.”
My thoughts instantly went to the people in the New York safe house. I knew in my gut they’d died because of me—because Thaddeus was looking for me. He wanted me—dead or alive I wasn’t sure—and he wouldn’t rest until he got me.
“I know you do, but you don’t understand what you’re up against, what they’re like. They’re merciless.”
“They need to be stopped,” I growled.
“I know,” he breathed. “But you’re far too important to fight those battles yet.”
“Me? How?”
“You’ll understand one day—there’s much I don’t understand about it yet, but everything will make sense eventually.”
“It’s all so cryptic,” I muttered.