“If I wanted to have a conversation, I would’ve asked you a question. Go!”
He breathed a sigh of relief, cautiously backing away from me, getting out of the water. Turning around once he was on the shore and walking toward Federico, the guard.
At the last second, I called out, “Vicente!” He spun back around as I slowly wiped his spit off my cheek with the back of my hand. His eyes instantly widened, realizing what I was now holding.
Tilting my head to the side with dark and dilated eyes, I reminded him, “You never fucking thanked me.” Pulling the trigger, I blew his head off.
Splattering his blood and brains behind him in the sand. Immediately taking him to join all the other souls I collected in this very place.
“Another one? Jesus, man. Can’t we keep any of them alive?” Federico nonchalantly laughed.
“Someone had to teach him some manners,” I stated as I made my way out of there. It was close to dinnertime, and I needed to get to Amira before six; that was our daily routine more often than not.
This motherfucker made me lose track of time, and I hated to keep her waiting. Worrying something bad may have happened to me. She was the only light in my life, but she wasn’t a little girl anymore. No longer a child I could lie to. She was thirteen, and the older she got, the easier it was for her to read through my bullshit excuses. I started to make it a point that the only time she saw me was when I knew my demons were at bay.
When I could be the person she needed. The one who saved her, took care of her, and protected her. Yet to acknowledge that I was one of the men who tore her world apart. She was expecting me, but I was taking a gamble on who would show up for her. I contemplated that before I even got into my car.
Amira was the only penance I had.
Eternally battling the hell I was already burning in.
I sat on the ledge of my reading nook in the living room, with my back against the comfy pillows and Yuly at my side. Failing miserably to stay focused on the task at hand. Homework. My mind dancing from one random thought to another.
“Amira, Mamita, you’ve sat by that window every evening at five o’clock for the past four years. Do you really think I believe you’re studying?” Rosarío asked with humor in her tone.
I smiled sweetly, peering up at her. “I am studying, Mama Rosa. I just happen to like sitting in the sun while I do so.”
She nonchalantly nodded to the window beside me, stating the obvious, “It’s raining and gloomy out today.”
“Oh, yeah... I knew that. This is just my routine. You know how I am, a creature of habit. I like things to stay consistent and stuff. That’s all.”
She arched an eyebrow, cocking her head to the side. “I may be old, but I’m not stupid, Amira. I know you’re waiting for Damien. You claimed that as your spot since the first day Damien brought you home. Why do you think he built this nook for you? He knows you will always be waiting for him. It brings him comfort.”
I smiled wider. It brought me comfort waiting for him too. Damien built the space for me three years ago for my tenth birthday, after he caught me waiting for him by the window one evening. It was a cozy little niche with a cushioned bench that overlooked the front yard. It quickly became my favorite place to curl up with a blanket and pretend to study. This time, I had my English dictionary open in my lap, pretending to practice the words my tutor, Charo, assigned me to work on over the weekend. Absentmindedly trying to remember the last word I read for the tenth time, but I couldn’t.
My mind was somewhere else entirely.
“You’re not old. You’re only forty-two. And you’re beautiful, Mama Rosa. You don’t look a day over thirty.”
“Oh, bless your heart, sweet child. Wise beyond your years, I tell you. Though I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Mamita, but Damien may not come today.”
“He’ll be here. He comes most days, and besides, he always tells me when he can’t because of work,” I said, cringing at the fact that Damien still had to work for the monster.
She smirked, shaking her head. “Whatever you say. Finish up your day-dreaming about Damien, and go get washed up for dinner. I made your favorite.” Rosarío kissed my forehead and walked out of the living room, whispering something under her breath I couldn’t make out.
To be fair it wasn’t only Damien preoccupying my thoughts. All of a sudden, I was feeling nostalgic. For some reason that day, I couldn’t help but remember how the first year had been the hardest for me here. How adjusting to my new life without my family was an experience I never imagined I would have to go through. Damien spent every second he could, keeping me company. He stayed with me as much as possible, making sure I was well cared for mentally, physically, and emotionally. Doing his best to tend to my needs, wanting to make the transition easier on me. He was the best listener too. I couldn’t count how many nights he spent with me on the porch swing out back, letting me tell him about my happy memories, or vent when I needed to. Though every time I talked about my family, I could see the pain in his kind eyes, and just as quickly as it appeared, he would blink and it would be gone.
As much as I opened up to him about my family, he never let me in on his feelings. He had the perfect fa?ade in place for four years now. It was like he had built a wall around his emotions concerning that night. There were no cracks, no slips. Nothing could bring it down, not even me. I knew deep in my heart he felt responsible for my family’s death. He carried this guilt around with him that weighed heavy like a wooden cross on his back. No matter how I saw it, the reality of the situation was, in his mind…
Their three lives.
Their three souls.
Were a burden he would forever carry on his own.
The night Damien entered my life was the best and worst day of my existence. I owed a lot to him for saving me. I knew he didn’t believe it or even understand it, but I never blamed him for my family’s deaths.
Not once.
It wasn’t his doing, he didn't orchestrate it. Emilio did. Damien played a part, but the alternative would’ve led to his death, and if he had died, I would have died too.
So, he played the monster’s game, and we both made it out alive.