Her fingers stilled. ‘Um, was that supposed to make me feel better?’ she asked. ‘’Cause it didn’t.’
Gripping the soft folds of the back of her sweater, he forced himself to look at her when he said, ‘I’m clumsy with words. Around you, anyway. Meredith, I . . .’ He shuddered out a breath. ‘I want you so much, I can’t think straight.’
Her breath hitched, eyes growing shiny once again, even as her mouth curved. ‘Then I’ll be patient.’
‘Thank you. I have to go now.’ He groaned. ‘And I’m going to have to brave the gauntlet in there.’ He was raw inside. He wasn’t looking forward to the looks of interest, pity, and suspicion, depending on whose face he saw.
‘Then go down the stairs and out the back,’ she said softly. ‘You’ll only see Diesel and he’s clumsy with words too.’
He found himself laughing. ‘Maybe that’s why we get along so well. We don’t say much when we’re working at Mariposa.’ It was with great regret that he pulled her hands from his hair. ‘I will come back. Tonight if I can. Tomorrow for sure.’
‘I’ll be here.’
He sobered abruptly. ‘Please do be. I won’t be able to do my job if I’m worrying about you getting hurt because you’re out somewhere.’
Her brows lifted. ‘You think I’m going anywhere? The horde may be here to keep me company, but they’re also here to keep me here.’
‘I’m glad.’ He took a few steps back, dropping her hands only when the distance between them necessitated it. He made a break for the basement door, like the coward he was, and was halfway down the stairs when she called his name.
She stood in the doorway, holding the bag of food. ‘Your dinner.’
He ran back up, unable to keep himself from taking another hard kiss. ‘Thanks,’ he said, and nearly stumbled when his foot hit only air. He kept himself from falling only by gripping the handrail. Rolling his eyes at the smile she tried to bite back, he turned and jogged down the rest of the stairs without looking back.
Diesel lifted his eyes when Adam approached. ‘Back so soon?’
‘Don’t be an asshole,’ Adam said without heat. ‘Where’s the back door?’
Diesel pointed to a hallway. ‘Through there. Lock’s a fucking joke.’
‘I’ll fix it.’
Diesel waved him off. ‘Her grandpa already plans to. It’ll keep him occupied for part of tomorrow so he doesn’t drive her fucking crazy, hovering.’ He tilted his bald head. ‘Did you fix things with her?’
‘Not all the way, but I’ll be back. Tell her grandfather not to shoot me when I do. It may be really late.’
‘Text me. I’ll be up. I’ll let you in through the back if the house is still full of people. Right now you are persona non grata with the ladies.’
Adam nodded, relieved. ‘Thanks, man. You gonna keep searching?’
‘Always. I’ll let you know if I find anything else.’
‘Thanks, man. Later.’
‘Adam.’
Diesel’s uncertain tone had Adam pausing mid-step. ‘Yeah?’
‘I’m . . . I’m available,’ he said uncomfortably. ‘If you need to go a round in the ring or just run till you run off the need.’
Adam blinked at him. ‘Excuse me?’
Diesel sighed. ‘You know Stone went through rehab, right?’
Adam nodded, wary beyond words. He knew that Stone had been addicted to heroin, but he didn’t know what Diesel’s role had been in Stone’s recovery. ‘Yeah. And?’
‘I was . . . I was there for him. We lifted weights or ran together, at the track, in the park. So that he stayed sober. Until he could do it on his own.’
Adam sucked in a lungful of air, let it out slowly while he contemplated his reply. ‘You checked me out?’ he asked, pointing to the laptop again.
Diesel shook his head hard. ‘No. Absolutely no. I can just tell. I see your eyes go glassy sometimes, when someone around you has a beer. And, man, the volunteering? That’s a total giveaway. You’ve been making amends all over the damn place. I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to do it alone. That’s all.’
Adam exhaled in a rush, sudden fear and gratitude warring with one another. ‘Did you tell anyone?’
‘No. And I don’t think anyone else has noticed. If they have, nobody’s gossiping about it. I didn’t want to tell you that I knew, but today’s been rough for you. The kind of day a man can fall off the wagon and it would be hard to blame him. But you’d blame yourself. That’s why you’ve stayed away, isn’t it? From Meredith?’
Adam nodded once, unwilling to talk about it until he’d talked to her. ‘Thank you.’ He held up his fist and Diesel bumped it. ‘I mean that, Diesel. See you later.’
Cincinnati, Ohio,
Saturday 19 December, 9.45 P.M.
Linnea’s eyes darted side to side, taking in the neighborhood, as Dr Dani pulled her car onto a side street. ‘What is this place?’ she murmured.
Dr Dani looked over at her with a slight frown. ‘I’m sorry, you’re sitting on my deaf side. I didn’t hear your question.’
Linnea frowned back. ‘You have a deaf side?’
Dr Dani’s frown became a smile. ‘I do.’ She tapped her right ear. ‘I have a type of hearing aid, but my battery is running low. Are you worried about the neighborhood?’
Linnea shrugged. ‘A little.’
‘It can be dicey after dark, but you’ll be perfectly safe inside. I called ahead and they saved some supper for you.’
Linnea nearly slumped in relief. The clinic had given her a few protein bars and some juice, but they hadn’t been nearly enough to fill her hungry stomach. ‘Thank you.’
The doctor parallel parked her car expertly, reminding Linnea of Andy. Which made her eyes sting. Not yet. Not here. Not until she was alone. Then she could cry. Until then, she didn’t want anyone to ask questions because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep from spilling her secrets to anyone kind enough to listen. And that would be the end of kindness. She’d be hauled off to jail and they’d throw away the key.
‘We’re here,’ Dr Dani announced. ‘This is a shelter run by St Ambrose’s. The head nun is a friend. Her name is Sister Jeanette. She’s a retired nurse with a lot of experience with your kind of injury. And your medical condition.’
Linnea stiffened. ‘You told her I’m positive?’
The doctor frowned. ‘No. Of course I didn’t. I’m not allowed to tell her that, but I know that she’s had many women come through her shelter who were positive, just like you.’ Her frown had faded and she was smiling gently once again. ‘I should have the results of your viral load tests in a few days. I’ll call Sister Jeanette and she’ll have you call me. I will never tell her anything about your condition without your written consent.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You shouldn’t thank me. That’s your legal right. I’m merely obeying the law. Once we know what your viral loads are, we can get you the medication you need.’
Linnea nodded, having no intention of taking the medication. She’d sell it as soon as she got it. It was of no use to her now. She was a dead woman walking. ‘Okay.’
‘Good. Now, let’s discuss what to expect. There will be a locked door that we’ll be buzzed into. It’s not a prison. You are there voluntarily. You can leave at any time. But someone will need to buzz you out. Whoever is on duty will do so with no questions asked, but you won’t be allowed to return until the shelter opens its doors again tomorrow at five p.m. We’re only coming in late because I called ahead to get permission. Okay?’
Linnea didn’t like that, but she nodded again. If the door was locked, he couldn’t get in. ‘Will they make me leave tomorrow?’
‘I’m not sure. Policy is that residents don’t stay during the day, but they make exceptions for the ill and injured. So you will probably be allowed to stay tomorrow if you wish. But not if you leave. What else? Oh, they’ll have clothes in your size. I did give that info to Sister Jeanette. They’ll also have a coat for you to keep. I’ll need to take the one you’re wearing back with me.’
Linnea had never expected to be allowed to keep the coat. It was too nice. ‘I understand. Someone else will need to use it.’
Dr Dani’s smile was so kind that it almost hurt. ‘It’s actually my coat,’ she said.