‘I did it more for me,’ Bailey said. ‘I’d prefer Hope not having to go caroling at jail because Kenny’s behind bars.’
‘Well, as long as your motivation is pure,’ he said dryly and she chuckled.
Kendra was not amused. She shoved the bag into his hands. ‘Do not hurt Meredith,’ she hissed. ‘She is ready to break and it is scaring us to pieces.’
He deserved the warning, felt the shame wash over his face. But he knew the truth. ‘She’s stronger than you think.’ Meredith would survive if he walked away. But I would not. He swallowed hard. ‘But she shouldn’t have to be so strong.’
Kendra’s expression softened minutely. ‘What are you gonna do about that?’
‘Kenny,’ Bailey admonished. ‘Not our business. Let him go. He has a job to do.’
‘I’m going to try to fix it,’ he answered nonetheless.
Kendra didn’t look convinced, but she also didn’t look homicidal anymore either. ‘When?’ She held up a hand when Bailey started to admonish her again. ‘I just need to know when I need to be here to pick up the pieces if he fucks it up.’
Shaking her head, Delores put the bag of icing aside and brought Adam the cookie she’d been decorating. The gingerbread man had a small star on the left side of his chest, what looked like a gun at his waist, and a square box drawn over where his heart should be. The star and the gun he understood, but the box with the little clump of icing in its middle was a mystery. ‘What is that?’ he asked, pointing.
‘It’s supposed to be a keyhole,’ Delores said.
‘Why?’ he asked. ‘I mean, why a keyhole?’
Her smile was guileless. ‘You’ve got a heart, Adam, but you keep it locked away most of the time. Except I’ve seen it,’ she added in a stage whisper.
‘When?’ Kendra’s genuine surprise was another well-deserved kick in Adam’s gut.
Delores continued to smile up at him. ‘Do you think I don’t know who comes to clean out the cages in my animal shelter before you think I’m awake?’
Adam’s cheeks heated again, this time in embarrassment. Busted. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
Delores just laughed, a happy sound like bells. ‘I have security cameras outside my house, in the shelter, even outside in the puppy pens. Stone installed them. It lets him sleep at night, without standing guard on my front porch.’ She pressed her index finger to Adam’s chin, closing his mouth, which had fallen open.
He shouldn’t have been so surprised. Stone O’Bannion was head over heels for Delores and the man was no fool. He and Diesel worked closely on those Ledger articles exposing child-harming lowlifes. Diesel did the digging and Stone did the writing – and neither of them ever got caught. They were careful.
I should have looked for cameras, dammit.
Delores patted his shoulder. ‘Stone says thank you, by the way. Saves him from having to clean the cages all the time. Between you, Stone, and Diesel, I haven’t cleaned a cage in months.’ Her gaze flicked over his shoulder. ‘And I suddenly need to do something in the other room. Bailey? Kendra? I need your help.’
He didn’t need to be a detective to know that Meredith stood behind him in the doorway. Bailey cleaned dough from her hands with a smirk and, still scowling, Kendra gave him the ‘I’m watching you’ sign as they dutifully filed from the room, Delores’s giant dog trailing faithfully after them.
For a long moment he stood frozen, bag of food clutched in his hands, unable to face her. Then he turned in place and looked at her. Really looked at her. She looked . . . shocked, her zen veneer nowhere to be seen. Her green eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted, her brows crunched in question. She clasped her hands together in a white-knuckled grip.
But he couldn’t move. He could barely breathe. Don’t fuck this up.
‘I . . .’ She blew out a breath. ‘You clean cages at the shelter for Delores?’
He winced, because he could hear the hurt in her voice. ‘I have. Before. A few—’ He stopped the lie before it passed his lips. It hadn’t been a few times. It had been at least twice a week. Every week. ‘I wanted to help.’
Her slender throat worked as she fought to swallow. ‘And you volunteer at Mariposa House.’ Her green eyes grew abruptly shiny. ‘When I’m not there.’
Oh shit. Not tears. He could not deal with tears. He didn’t have time to figure out tears. He took a step forward. ‘Meredith.’
She shook her head, holding up a hand to ward him off. ‘No, it’s okay. I’m getting the picture, Adam.’ Her chin came up and in a fluid motion she blinked and dashed the tears off her cheeks with impatient fingers. ‘You want to be part of the group. Of the circle. Just . . . not with me.’ Her smile reappeared, that zen smile he was growing to despise. ‘And that’s okay. They’re your friends and family too. It doesn’t have to be awkward. I won’t make this hard for you.’
His mouth went dry, words dying on his tongue. Once again, she’d misunderstood. Because she doesn’t know the truth. Tell her the goddamn truth.
He closed his eyes for the span of one heartbeat, opened them to find her returning to the living room. Over her shoulder he could see Kendra standing by the front window like a fucking sentry, arms crossed over her chest, motioning to the door with her head.
Oh, for God’s sake. Do something. Now.
‘Wait,’ he ground out, reaching to grab Meredith’s arm. He pulled her into the kitchen, dragging her past the doorway, away from the prying eyes in the next room.
‘Adam,’ she protested as he backed her against the refrigerator. ‘What the—’
He silenced her with his mouth, taking her lips with a desperate ferocity that had him trembling. He hadn’t planned this. He hadn’t wanted to do it this way. But . . . Go big or go home.
He dropped the bag, not caring where it fell, and dug his fingers into her hair, lifting her face to perfect their fit. She was unresponsive, stunned into immobility. At first. Then she made a noise in the back of her throat, a hungry little moan, and he was lost.
This. This was what he’d needed, what he’d craved. More than the booze. More than anything else. Everything else faded away, the noise in his mind fading as he kissed her and kissed her and . . . drank her in. Like air. She was necessary.
Her hands cradled his face, so gently he wanted to cry. His chest hurt with the need to weep. From relief that she was letting him touch her. From sorrow that he’d hurt her. From regret at the time he’d wasted.
Not wasted, he told himself as he drew back, only far enough to breathe. It wasn’t wasted. It was important that he’d taken the time. Reclaimed himself. So that he could now tell her why he’d stayed away. He hoped she’d understand.
Her eyes were closed, her russet lashes dark against the cream of her skin.
‘Everything you thought . . .’ He trailed off, words failing him. ‘You were wrong.’
Her breasts brushed his chest with the breath she drew. ‘About?’
‘I was not avoiding being with you.’ Her eyes opened, clearly disbelieving. She started to retreat, to twist away, but he stopped her, sliding one hand from her hair down her back, holding her in place. ‘Wait. I mean—’ He jerked his gaze to the ceiling, cursing under his breath before dropping his eyes to meet hers again. ‘I mean I was avoiding you, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.’
God. He wanted a drink. Needed a drink. He was shaking.
‘Shh,’ she soothed, relaxing against the refrigerator, no longer trying to run. ‘What were your reasons?’
He glanced over his shoulder to the open doorway that led to her living room. ‘I can’t tell you right now. I have to do an interview and there are way too many people in your house.’ Closing his eyes, he leaned his forehead against hers, sighing when her fingers raked through his hair, petting him. Gentling him. ‘I’ll be back. I promise.’
‘All right,’ she murmured. ‘I’ve waited this long.’
His shoulders sagged, relieved. ‘You may still throw me out when I’m done, but I want it to be for the right reasons.’