“Landon and Rana have reconnected. They’re dating.”
I felt the need to immediately address the elephant in the room with Landon’s dad. “I’m very sorry for what happened years ago, the way my parents left the apartment.”
Jim lifted his hand up to stop me from going on about it any further “You don’t need to apologize for that. It wasn’t your fault.”
Marjorie added, “You were always very respectful. We never blamed you. I actually remember feeling sad for Landon because he’d lost a friend when you left.”
Landon and I looked at each other for a brief moment, exchanging smiles.
“Things were pretty messed up back then with my parents,” I said. “Thank you for understanding.”
“No thanks necessary,” she said. “Honestly…I feel that we owe you now for getting Landon back here for a visit.”
I actually felt really bad for Landon’s mother. It was clear that she’d been hurt by his virtual disappearance from their lives.
Landon offered her another embrace. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
Marjorie then looked right at me when she said, “We really love our son, and we’ve always just wanted what’s best for him. But you know, you can only hold your kids close for so long. At some point, you just have to let them go, let them discover themselves. I couldn’t keep him here no matter how much I begged, and then I realized that he had to live his life and learn from his experiences. Letting him go to California was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I knew I couldn’t stop him.”
Landon’s situation was proof that even people with two parents and a seemingly perfect upbringing can screw up in life.
“I didn’t always have my head on straight, but I finally landed on my feet, Mom. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. But I do need to apologize for alienating you guys somewhat all these years. The separation was just something I had to go through to get to where I am now. Believe me, you both did everything right. You were the best parents anyone could’ve asked for.”
His mother looked like she was about to cry. “Well, that’s very nice of you to say. And I will take what I can get in terms of visits from my handsome son.”
We ended up sitting down to dinner and over the course of the evening, I actually found myself really enjoying their company. We laughed a lot, in particular when Landon told the story of the first time his parents saw his tattoos.
It was really strange being back in the place where I used to live, although the garage was back to being just that—a place to park cars and store things. An air of nostalgia definitely followed me around the entire night.
After supper, Landon and I took a walk around the old neighborhood. It was surreal to be back on this street, looking at the very same cracks in the sidewalk I used to ride over with my bike.
We strolled and reminisced until an unexpected run-in interrupted our evening.
We’d just made our way around the circle block when we ended up in front of Mrs. Sheen’s house. A female was in the driveway, leaning into a car. She looked up for a moment and saw us approaching.
In an apparent warning, Landon squeezed my hand before he said, “Hey, Kelsie.”
She used her hand as a visor despite the fact that there wasn’t any sun. “Holy crap. Landon? Is that you?”
Even though he’d said her name, it took me a few seconds to realize it was Kelsie, Landon’s ex and my former thirteen-year-old nemesis.
Holy shit.
What timing.
Did she still live at home?
“Wow. I haven’t seen you in years. I barely recognized you,” she said.
“Yeah, I’m here visiting my parents.”
Kelsie had the same dark blonde hair I remembered, although she was definitely a little heavier now.
Landon peeked into the car. “Who’s this little guy?”
“This is Bryce. His dad is in the military and was just deployed, so I’m spending some time with Mom. We actually live on base in Illinois.”
“Wow. Well, thank him for his service.”
She nodded. “How’s California? You find what you were looking for?”
“Yeah.” He looked straight at me. “Yeah, I finally found what I’ve been looking for.”
“Good. Good.” She looked at my face but didn’t acknowledge me or introduce herself. “Well, you guys have a good night.”
“You, too,” I said.
Once we had walked out of her earshot, Landon finally said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know whether you wanted me to introduce you or not. I know you hated her, and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I suspected you didn’t want me to say anything.”
“I was praying you didn’t say my name. I’m really glad you didn’t. That’s the beauty of looking different. If I run into someone from my past who I don’t want to see, they don’t know it’s me anyway.”
“I didn’t want you to feel like you had to explain shit to her.”
“Good call.”
Our hands were intertwined as we continued on our walk.
“Aren’t you proud of me?” I chuckled. “We saw Kelsie, and I didn’t even get jealous.”
He dragged me playfully toward him. “That’s because I think you finally know you don’t have anything to be jealous about.”
We stopped in front of his parents’ house, both of us hesitant to go back inside.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I looked up at him. “I’m really glad we came for this visit.”
“Me, too. There was a part of me that had been ashamed of what I’ve been hiding from my folks. I was avoiding them so I didn’t have to deal with that. Your acceptance of me after everything I told you really helped me to forgive myself. It gave me the courage to face my parents again tonight. I had to forgive myself first, I think.”
Landon was only going to be here a couple more days. Soon I was going to lose the opportunity to tell him my own truth in person. Tonight made me more certain than ever that there couldn’t be any more secrets between us.
I knew there was a good chance that telling him could backfire, that he could turn on me if he took things personally in any way. He could very well lose respect for me.
Telling him the truth was a huge risk but one I needed to take.
NO SURGERY FOR A BROKEN SOUL
Even though I’d told myself I was going to tell him everything on his last night in Michigan, sometimes a secret just eats away at you so much that it can no longer be hidden. The truth will often find its way out on its own terms.
After we’d gotten home from his parents’ house, Landon and I made love several times until we fell asleep. I’d felt so content in his arms, but the shadow of my secret was always lurking, preventing me from fully enjoying our connection.
I woke up sweating and shaking in the middle of the night; my body could no longer sustain the guilt.
Landon woke up and immediately knew something was very wrong with me. “What’s going on?”
“I need to tell you now.”
“I know I said I wasn’t going to pressure you, but I agree. You need to talk to me. Please,” he begged.