He laughed but then his expression turned serious. “Will you tell me why you haven’t?”
Unsure of how to answer, I said, “I already told you that when I was a teenager, I made the mistake of associating with the wrong guys. And now, as an adult, I seem to attract men who are only after one thing. I just decided I would be better off alone. Every time I think about putting myself out there, it just seems daunting. So, I haven’t.”
Landon apparently could see right through me.
He ran his hand along my hair and tucked a piece behind my ear. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
I stayed silent.
“Did someone hurt you?” My lack of response caused him to draw his own conclusion as he said, “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to tell me everything overnight. But I do want to know.”
I closed my eyes as he cupped my cheek. When I opened them, I turned the tables and asked, “Have you told me everything there is to know about you?”
“No, I haven’t,” he answered without hesitation. “And I’m not going to take things to the next level with you until I have. That’s why I’ve been sleeping on the couch. But I think this week should just be about getting acclimated to one another—who we are now—rather than making false judgments based on how the past defines us.” He slid his hand down my arm. “I’m serious about not wanting to fuck this up. What do you say? How about we live in the present for at least a few days…take it slow…just enjoy life…and get to know each other in person as friends. Deal?”
“Friends…” I smiled.
“Yes…friends.” He held out his hand. “Deal?”
I took it. “Deal.”
He kept his hand firmly gripped around mine as we just stared at each other. Neither of us would be the first to let go, and then suddenly out of nowhere he pulled me into him. The next thing I knew, his lips were enveloping mine. The move was so sudden, so unexpected that I nearly peed myself.
He groaned as he pushed slowly into my mouth.
“Fuck,” he said over my lips.
The feel of his metal tongue ring flicking around was enough to make me lose all of my inhibitions. He tasted like sugar and cigarettes, and all I wanted anymore in this life was to just keep doing this. I hadn’t realized exactly how starved I was, how badly I had needed this contact. But going from zero to Landon was like not eating for years only to be met with the most decadent of foods.
I dug my fingers into the short strands of his hair, pushing him deeper and deeper into my mouth. His kiss grew harder as I fell back onto the couch. His hard body was now over me. Instead of feeling scared, I welcomed his strength.
Desperate sighs escaped me into his mouth. The feelings brewing inside of me as we kissed were unlike anything I had ever felt before. The last male to ever be on top of me was basically a teenage boy. This was a muscular man, one whose sounds of hunger, albeit deeper in tone, were matching my own. It scared me how willing I would’ve been to just give him whatever he wanted.
We kissed for what felt like several minutes, although truly there was no concept of time. I felt like I could have kept kissing him forever. Drowning in an abyss of desire, I wasn’t sure if I could’ve stopped even if the building was on fire.
The problem with something that felt this good was that it was never enough, particularly for someone like me, who’d gone so long without so much as touching a member of the opposite sex.
I needed to feel his body. When I tried to slip my hands under his T-shirt, he reached for them and immediately locked my wrists before pulling himself off of me.
His head was against the back of the couch as he panted, looking as though he’d just escaped from something.
I felt mortified. “I’m…I’m sorry.”
He placed his hand on my leg. “No, no, no…you have nothing to be sorry about. Don’t you dare apologize.”
Landon’s face was red. He looked just as worked-up as I felt. His erection was bursting through the denim of his jeans. He was clearly aroused, so why did he stop?
Not sure if I really wanted to know the answer, I asked, “Why did you pull away?”
“Believe me, I want your hands all over me. I just had to push back because I was afraid I would lose control. I’m not going to be satisfied until I’m deep inside of you, Rana, and I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret. That felt way too good, and I was a few seconds from saying ‘fuck it,’ moving too fast, and messing things up.”
“It was fine. It was just kissing.”
“That was not just kissing. It won’t ever be just kissing with you. Ever.”
“No, I guess it wasn’t.”
“You were starting to undress me. I had to stop.”
Feeling a bit stupid, I admitted, “I wanted to feel your skin.”
“If you haven’t been with anyone in as long as you say, then you’re fragile. I can’t move as fast as my body would like, as much as I want to. That would be a mistake.”
As much as my body resisted that thought, I knew he was right.
“Well, thank you for looking out for me even when I’m not looking out for myself.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder and looked up as he gazed down at me.
He groaned, “Fuck…see…you merely look at me, and I need to kiss you again.”
I sighed. “So, kiss me…”
He gave in, planting a firm kiss on my lips. “No touching,” he spoke over my mouth. “Just kissing. Okay?”
Smiling over his lips, I said, “That’s gonna be hard to uphold.”
“Very fucking hard.”
PRIVATE DANCE
Meeting Landon’s friends so soon was a huge deal. I didn’t have a lot of time with him, and I wanted to experience what his life here in California was like. He tried to assure me that we didn’t have to go out, but I convinced him otherwise, because I was really curious.
When we showed up to the Sunset Rooftop Bar, I recognized Ace immediately. He was seated next to a man and a woman, who were sitting close enough for me to assume that they were a couple.
The décor was really cool with several lanterns lighting up the night. A bar that seemed to be illuminated in purple was situated in the middle of the action. We were surrounded by abnormally beautiful people; that was definitely not something I was used to back home. Most of the time, I was the center of attention in a crowded room. Here, I just blended in.
Landon put his hand on the small of my back as he introduced me to his friends, who were seated on cushioned benches in the corner.
“Rana, you know Ace. And this is Dave and his girlfriend, Mia.”
Dave, a tall, blond dude stood up and shook my hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Mia did the same. “Hey, Rana.” She was pretty, exotic looking, maybe half-Asian. She flashed a natural smile.
Ace chugged his beer, spilling some onto his beard and let out a slight burp. “Rana’s a belly dancer.”
Mia’s eyes widened. “That is so cool—much more fun than being an occupational therapist like me. I wish I could dance for a living.”