Drop Dead Sexy

“Excuse me?”

He laughed. “I was part of a narcotics bust on this guy who lived out in the boonies. He was running a meth lab out of an abandoned travel trailer on his property. Anyway, we get there, and when we knock, the guy yells, “Just a minute. I’m almost there.” Well, we all look around at each other like what the hell is he talking about? After a few more times knocking, we get the same response. So we end up having to use a battering ram on the door to get it down. When we get inside, we find the guy, high as a kite, and fucking a goat.”

I gasped. “Oh my God. That poor goat.”

“Exactly. So we’re all standing there with guns drawn, and he just keeps nailing the goat. He almost got his ass shot off because he kept holding us off so he could come.”

Slowly, I shook my head back and forth. “That is the most disturbing story I think I’ve ever heard.”

Catcher nodded. “Yup, it was my second year out of the academy, and I can still remember it like it was yesterday.”

“I can see why. Something like that would scar you for life.”

“Kinda like Sir Randy of the Two Dicks.”

I laughed. “Randy’s case is shocking…I’m not so sure it would be as mentally scarring as seeing a guy violating a goat.”

“You have a point there.” Catcher glanced over at me. “Speaking of Randy, I’ve been thinking about his concoctions.”

“What about them?”

“I’m assuming Harry Potter must’ve had a place at his house where he was doing his potion making.”

I nodded. “He certainly wouldn’t have done it anywhere else than in the privacy of his home. Makes sense that his house was so secure. That way he didn’t run the risk of anyone finding it.”

“Except all that security didn’t help him in the end.”

“True.”

“When we get back, do you wanna have a look at Randy’s place with me? See if we can find his secret concoction lair?”

I whirled around in the seat to stare at him in surprise. “You want me to investigate with you?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Call me crazy, but I just thought that was something for you and your fellow agents to do.”

“Solano just texted me that he and Capshaw were taking the boot treads to the field office along with some of the other evidence they gathered today. Since it’ll just be me, why not?”

“You won’t get in trouble for having a civilian along with you?”

Catcher grinned. “But you’re not a civilian. As the county coroner, you’re a member of law enforcement.”

“Oh yeah. Right.” Duh. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Talk about a powerful penis presence. Being around Catcher was making my mind a scrambled mess.

When we approached Randy’s driveway, a sheriff deputy’s cruiser was parked in it. Catcher pulled up alongside and rolled his window down. When the deputy followed suit, Catcher flashed his badge. “Agent Mains, GBI. We’re going to have a quick look in the house.”

“Okay,” the deputy replied.

Catcher rolled the window up as we coasted down the driveway. Although I normally wasn’t one to be spooked, I was kind of glad it was still daylight. Sure, I’d had to go on body pickups and unexplained deaths after dark for both the funeral home and coroner’s office, but there just seemed to be something a little creepier about this case. Maybe it was because Randy’s house was so far off the road. Maybe it was because I’d never handled a murder case all on my own. Or maybe it was because of Randy’s two dicks and an ex-wife who lived in a nudist colony, erm resort. Better still, there was the creepiness of his concoction making business. All of those maybes meant I wasn’t too sure what other freakiness lurked within his basement.

As we pulled up in front of the garage, I saw where the yellow crime scene tape had been wrapped around the doors and front porch. After Catcher grabbed his kit from the backseat, we headed to the house. Catcher and I had to dip under the caution tape to get into the house. When we found the door locked, I asked, “Do I need to call Ralph to see about getting inside?”

Instead of answering me, Catcher took his wallet out of his back pocket and dug out a credit card. He stuck it in the doorjamb and jiggled it around. At the sound of the lock popping, he turned back to me and grinned.

“Impressive,” I mused.

“I am a man of many talents.”

“As well as an inflated ego.”

Catcher chuckled as he opened the front door for me. One solitary lamp in the living room lit the way for us. “Since I didn’t do the searching earlier, I’d wager the basement door is off the kitchen,” Catcher said.

I had peeked my head in the basement door earlier in the day, but I hadn’t gone all the way downstairs. “Yup. You’re right.”

“Lucky guess,” Catcher said as we walked into the kitchen.

Just as my hand reached for the knob, the sound of the refrigerator door creaking open stopped me. I whirled around to see Catcher’s head stuck inside. “Please tell me you aren’t raiding Randy’s fridge like some scavenger?”