Drop Dead Sexy

“Coming right up,” Catcher replied before waving the bartender over.

Taking Patricia by the elbow, I led her over to the couch. Once she was settled, I reached into my purse for a handkerchief. Not only was carrying an embroidered handkerchief part of working in the death industry, but it had also been impressed upon me by my very manners-conscious Southern mother.

“Thank you,” Patricia said when she took the handkerchief from me. She dabbed her eyes before staring mournfully at me. “I can’t believe I just broke down like that.”

“Please don’t apologize. It’s only natural when you’ve lost someone you love.”

Tears once again overran her eyes. “I did love Randy. Very much. He’s been a part of my life since I was eighteen years old.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yes, it is,” she replied wistfully.

Catcher returned with a water for both Patricia and himself. After handing one to Patricia, he eyed one of the chairs beside the couch before sitting down.

“I have to be honest with you, Ms. Crandall—” I began.

“Please call me, Patricia.”

I smiled. “Okay, Patricia. I’ve known Randy for twenty years, but since his death, it seems like I didn’t know him at all.”

A bark of a laugh came from her lips. “I’m assuming you mean you didn’t know he had a—” she made air quotes with her fingers, “freaky side to him?”

“Um, well, I wouldn’t exactly call it freaky,” I answered.

“I would,” Catcher replied, before winking at Patricia.

I shot him a murderous look, but Patricia merely giggled. “I’m sure it had to be quite shocking when you saw his endowments.”

Shifting on the couch, I replied, “If I’m truly honest, I would have to say I was pretty surprised.”

“I can’t say I blame you. I was pretty surprised the first time I saw King and Kong.”

Catcher snorted. “Excuse me?”

“Those was the nicknames he gave his penises.”

Good lord, the man had actually named his dicks.

“I see,” Catcher replied, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“So you and Randy dated?” I asked.

“Oh, we more than dated.”

“Considering you saw King and Kong, I assumed you did a whole lot more than dated,” Catcher remarked with a smile.

Patricia shook her head. “No, I mean, we were married.”

My mouth gaped open in surprise. “But in the twenty years he’s been in Taylorsville, he never mentioned being divorced. He led everyone to believe he was a life-long bachelor.”

“That’s probably because we were barely married. We were just a pair of twenty-year-old flower children who got hitched during the Summer of Love by some shaman. It wasn’t even legal. But all these years later, he liked to call me his wife from time to time.”

My mind tried to wrap itself around the image of Randy with long hair, wearing tie-dyed shirts, dropping acid, and saying “Groovy” while making a peace symbol. “Randy was actually a hippie?” I questioned incredulously.

“Yes. We both were.”

“I apologize if that sounded like I was looking down on him or you. It’s just Randy seemed a little too square, for a lack of a better word, to have been a part of the swinging sixties.”

“Trust me. He did quite a lot of swinging. Two and three women at a time.”

“Oh my,” I murmured.

Patricia twisted the handkerchief in her hands. “His appetite was one of the reasons why we didn’t stay together. I just couldn’t keep up. I mean, King and Kong always seemed up for it, and there’s only so much your orifices can take.”

Catcher choked on his water, sending it spewing over his lap and onto the floor. Once he recovered from a coughing fit, he held up his hand. “My apologies.”

As Patricia stared at Catcher in shock, I tried focusing her attention on me. “I can imagine that must’ve been difficult both for him and for you,” I said.

Patricia looked from Catcher to me before nodding. “Yes. It was. More so on me at first, but then when I went on to get remarried, it was hard for Randy. He experienced some dark years then when he truly began to despise King and Kong. He wanted more than anything to be normal.”

“Do you think it could have been Randy’s sexual proclivities that led to his murder?” Catcher questioned.

“No. Most of the people he was with were peaceful, loving people. Like myself, many were Buddhists who wouldn’t believe in hurting a fly, least of all Randy.”

“What about a non-peaceful person who was perhaps jealous of Randy’s endowments?” Catcher suggested.

Patricia smiled. “While that could have been possible, I would seriously doubt it. Although he caused quite a stir when he first came here, people got used to seeing King and Kong.” Patricia turned to me. “You know as well as I do what a sweet, personable man Randy was.”

I nodded. “Yes, he was. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone would want to kill him.”