The memory tore her insides to shreds. Racked by unyielding sobs, she rolled onto her side on the bedroom floor, where she lay until the sun dipped from the sky. Then she rolled onto her back and caught sight of her fluffy pink comforter, lacy pillows, and sheer, frilly curtains.
“What am I doing?” She stared up at the ceiling and swiped at her tears. “Get up,” she commanded.
No, thanks. I’ll just stay here. Me and the urge to wallow in sadness. Constant companions. Maybe strength is overrated.
“No more wallowing. Wallowing sucks.” She reached under the bed to retrieve her cell phone from where it landed when she shoved the silent thing away from her, but it was too far away. She stretched her arm under the bed, inching her fingers along the floor. Her fingertips brushed the edge of the phone. She pushed her shoulder as far under the bed as it would fit, cursing the low-style frame she’d fallen in love with. She could feel the edge. One more push and—Ugh! It slid farther away.
“Now is not the time to mess with me, you little electronic jerk.” She swung her foot under the bed and sent the phone spinning across the floor. On hands and knees, she retrieved the electronic nemesis, pushed to her feet, and flew down the stairs and out the front door.
She came out of the convenience store ten minutes later with an armful of chocolate. Chocolate didn’t make stupid decisions. Chocolate didn’t ask questions. Chocolate was the perfect companion.
If only Caden were there to share it with her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
SUNDAY MORNING CADEN went for a long run on the beach to keep from calling or texting Bella. Gray clouds hovered ominously over the bay, and they felt like a direct reflection of his heart. It was getting more difficult to be apart from Bella, rather than easier. Wasn’t time supposed to heal all wounds? He felt as if his heart had been torn open, the very core of his soul exposed. The wound was so raw that he feared it might never heal. When he ran to the point where he usually turned back, he slowed to a walk. He missed Bella so much. Would it be treacherous if he called? Just once? Just to hear her voice?
He ripped the Velcro band from his arm and withdrew his cell phone. Just a quick call. He could ask her if he left his tool belt at her cottage. Yes, that might work. She might buy that. He pressed her speed-dial number and closed his eyes, trying to calm his racing heart.
“Caden?”
Her sleepy voice filled him with sadness. “Yeah, hi. Sorry to call so early.”
He heard her repositioning herself and pictured her at the cottage, cuddled up beneath her pink comforter. Oh, how he wanted to be there with her.
“It’s okay. Is Evan okay?” she asked.
His throat thickened. Of course her mind went to Evan. Caden was so trapped in his own longing to hear her voice that he’d lost track of the fact that she didn’t have any updates on how Evan was getting along.
“He’s fine. Good, actually. Helping Vera out at her cottage, and he starts with TGG next week.”
“Oh. Good. I’m glad to hear that.”
He looked out over the bay and paced. “I miss you, babe.” His voice was so soft that he hoped she heard him. She didn’t respond, and he thought he must not have spoken after all. “I just…Can I come by and see you?”
“I’m not in Wellfleet.”
He stopped pacing. “You’re…”
“Back in Connecticut.”
He forced himself not to ask why, or if she’d taken the job there.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Seven thirty maybe. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
By the time Caden circled back toward home, the sun streaked through like glimmering lights of hope. Hope that he didn’t have much of anymore. She was in Connecticut. Connecticut. Was she there for good? Was that her way of finalizing their break? He could kick himself for not asking if she’d taken the job there, but he’d been struck mute by the fact that she was no longer a few miles away.
He arrived home drenched in sweat, which felt right for his frame of mind lately. He ripped off his shirt as he went inside and snagged a towel from a kitchen drawer to wipe the perspiration from his body.
“Hey, Dad.” Evan sat in the living room poring over one of the computer books Caden had bought on his first date with Bella.
He remembered that evening as if it were yesterday. Oh, how he wished he could turn back time and go back to that night and skip over Tuesday altogether.
“Hi, Ev. What are you doing up?” He’d practically had to beg Evan to watch a movie instead of playing PC games last night. When he’d decided to be more focused on his son, he hadn’t taken into account that Evan might not be as excited about the prospect of the two of them spending more time together as he was.
“I told you I was helping Vera today, remember? This book is awesome. Did you buy it for me?” He flipped through a few pages.
“Right. I remember.” He wiped his face with the towel. “I bought that book so I could read up on what you were interested in. You can read it. It’s like a foreign language to me.” He didn’t care about the stupid book. He cared about Bella, and now she was gone. How was he going to make it through eight hours of work?
“Thanks.” Evan’s hair was still wet from his shower, and Caden was glad to see he’d put on clean and unwrinkled clothes.
He forced himself to focus on Evan. “I’m working until five. Want to cook burgers on the grill tonight?”
Evan shrugged. “Bobby wanted to hang out.”
Caden’s stomach clenched. “Evan, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Bobby doesn’t hang out with those guys anymore. I swear it. You can ask him, and he didn’t ever do anything bad.”
“I don’t know, Ev.” Bobby had been cleared of any wrongdoing, just as Evan had, but Caden was nervous about Evan spending time with any kids until he knew them and their parents personally. Maybe it was time to change that.
“I’ll tell you what. Call Bobby and tell him that after my shift I’ll come by to meet his parents; then you and Bobby can spend the evening here.”
Evan closed the book he was reading and sighed. “I’ve been spending all my time here since this whole thing went down. Don’t you trust me to do anything?”
“Yes, I trust you.” Caden sat beside him on the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“No, you don’t. If you’re not working, you’re here with me. Except when you run, but then I’m usually sleeping.” Evan rose to his feet. “You never even go out with Bella anymore.”
“This isn’t about me, Evan. You want to spend time with Bobby? Then I need to meet his parents.” Caden was not bending on that rule ever again.
“I don’t care about that. Fine. Whatever.” Evan shoved his hands into his pockets. “But why do we have to sit around here all night? It’s boring, Dad. It’s summer. We want to go hang out, and there’s a movie playing on the back of the town hall building in Wellfleet tonight. We were going to ride our bikes over and watch.”
Caden ran his hand down his face. He was glad Evan was getting back into life, and he’d done the right thing, so there was no reason not to trust him.
“Fine. I’ll meet his parents after work. You have your new phone?”