“Not as long as you text me a copy.” She smiled and he clicked the picture.
“I’ve had a really good time tonight.” Bella traced a muscle on his forearm with her index finger.
“Me too. I think it’s the best not-a-date I’ve ever had.” He tightened his arms around her.
Not-a-date. This was definitely not not-a-date, but admitting that would send her right down a road that opened her up to either getting hurt or not being able to make clear decisions. The realization worried her just enough to tuck it away. She wanted to—had to—stick to her guns about figuring her life out before getting involved in a real relationship.
This feels real.
Very real.
She suppressed the urge to admit just that and forced herself to use that energy toward getting to know him better. If she had hopes of one day allowing the feelings blooming between them to flower—after her life was figured out and she was settled—she needed to understand who he was, the bad and the good.
“Can I ask you a personal question without ruining the romantic vibe we have going on?” Bella asked.
“I’ll tell you what. How about you ask and we’ll see how it goes? I can’t imagine what you could ask that could change how amazing it feels to be with you.”
She turned sideways, curling her legs up against his thigh. She ran her finger down his chest. “I love how open you are with me, but if you’d rather not talk about this, I would understand.”
He kissed her lips. “I have nothing to hide.”
“Okay.” She lowered her voice with the sensitive question. “What was it like raising Evan when you were so young?”
“That’s the scary question? I’ve been asked that question a lot over the years, and I usually give an answer that won’t lead to more questions, like, Amazing, or Totally worth it.”
Bella felt his heart beating calm and even. He gazed up at the stars, and when his eyes met hers again, she sensed his honesty before the words even left his lips.
“When I showed up at my parents’ house that first night, I was so full of love and hurt that I’m not sure I was able to even think clearly. Or maybe I was thinking clearly for the first time in my life. If you want to know if I ever questioned my decision to raise him, the answer is no. Not even at the most difficult times.”
“How did your parents handle it?”
“My parents…” He paused, and a smile warmed his eyes. “They were looking at their twenty-year-old son and their grandchild. How do you think they reacted? They were scared to death about me leaving college and thrilled about this little baby boy that was a part of me. A part of our family.”
Bella shifted in his arms, and finally his eyes met hers—warm, loving, and without regret. Like him.
“They tried to convince me to go back to school. They even offered to raise Evan, but there was no part of me that wanted to go back to that life. It was as if the minute Evan was mine, all that drinking and partying was from another lifetime altogether.”
“They say that the love you have for a child is unlike love you have for any other.”
“Without a doubt. That was true in my case. My father has always been a strong influence in my life. He’s the kind of man who always—always—does the right thing.” A soft laugh slipped from his lips. “He taught me to hunt and fish, and he taught me to value friendships over nonsense. Everything he did, it seemed, held a lesson about responsibility, and the way he was—is—with my mother was like a silent lesson in love.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I had their support, and it made everything a little easier.”
They talked for a while longer about his parents and raising Evan. Bella had hoped the conversation might naturally lead to Evan’s mother, and when it didn’t, it made her even more curious. She pressed her hands to his chest, and when he leaned forward and kissed her, she almost let the subject go.
“What?” he asked softly.
She knitted her brows together, trying to figure out how she had already become transparent to him, just as when he ran his finger down her cheek and asked her again, she knew there was nothing she couldn’t ask him.
“You said you were full of love and full of hurt.”
His mouth twitched, and he lowered his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.
“I was,” he admitted.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and kissed his forehead as he’d kissed hers.
“It was a tough time.” He inhaled deeply, and when he spoke again, his eyes never wavered from hers. He clearly had nothing to hide.
“I thought I loved Caty, Evan’s mom, but the moment I held Evan in my arms, the love I felt for him was overwhelming. I knew that second that I didn’t love Caty. And even though I knew that, it still hurt when she left. The hurt for myself was little more than momentary. But the pain I felt for what Evan would experience, having been abandoned by his mother, once he was old enough to understand, was anything but momentary. I worried day and night about how it might affect him. The truth is, I still worry about that.”
“Do you think it’s worth trying to get in touch with her to see if they can build a relationship now?”
His lips curved into a smile, and he pressed another kiss to her lips. “You’re a thoughtful person, Bella, and I love that about you. I think most women would find the mother of my child a threat.”
“This isn’t about me. This is about Evan and what’s best for him.”
“I know it is, which is why you’re so remarkable.” He paused long enough for those words to sink in. “I haven’t seen Caty since she left Evan with me. He’s gone through stages of wanting to know about his mother, and I tracked her down and opened the door for her to get to know him, but it’s like she’s wiped that slate clean.”
“I can’t imagine a woman leaving a child behind like that, but I guess we never know what’s going on in a person’s head. She probably had reasons that were valid in her mind.”
“There you go again.” He ran his finger along her bare shoulder. “It would be easy to jump into a diatribe about how awful of a person she is, but you didn’t go there. I don’t go there either, even though, when Evan was younger, the pain over not having a mother would sometimes bring him to tears.” He paused, and in his eyes, Bella saw him struggling with what she assumed were memories. “It’s a little selfish to say this, but in a way she did Evan a favor. I think it would have been worse for him to be raised by someone who didn’t truly love him, or resented him, than to be given a chance to be loved completely without that kind of stress in the house. It probably sounds weird, but I think it took a lot of courage to do what she did.”
Bella pressed her cheek to his chest, her palm flat over his heart. Now who’s the remarkable one?