“No, actually,” he smarted. “I don’t know. You know I’ve never had any fucking clue what they’re going to air on the show or when they’re going to air it.”
“That’s not why it upset me, Will!” I shouted back. “You had more than enough opportunity to be open and honest with me about what happened during filming,” I said through gritted teeth. “But even after I’d told you that it was making me really uncomfortable to have to watch you flirt with nurses on the show and witness the parade of flirtatious patients stroll in the office, you never told me you slept with one.” I paused, a horrifying thought occurring to me. “Or more.”
“Jesus,” he muttered. “I don’t give a fuck about anyone but you. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I’m in love with you?” he asked and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t want anyone else but you, Melody. You’re all I care about.”
“Your actions speak louder than your words, Will.”
“What in the hell do you mean by that?”
“If you cared about me so much, you would’ve acknowledged my feelings, and you would’ve made damn sure that I knew what happened during filming. You wouldn’t have left me in the dark and let me get railroaded by it. I had to watch you…” Tears clogged my throat as I remembered it. “…on your fucking television, have sex with someone else. I had to hear it. Your moans. Her moans. All of it.”
“God,” he whispered, clearly tortured by the sound of my voice. “I’m so sorry, Mel. That’s…” He paused, seemingly at a loss for words, and I answered for him.
“Fucking awful,” I answered for him.
“But, Mel, I didn’t know they filmed it. Of course I would have told you—”
“And you know what’s even worse?” I asked, cutting off words I knew were an outright lie. “What’s worse is when watching someone like that is how you find out that the one person you love can lie so fucking easily.”
“What? When did I lie? What are you talking about?”
“Patient exam room six, Will,” I explained, but he still didn’t understand. “You know, that day you’d pulled me inside that empty room to have sex. The day you’d told me that you’d never done something like that at work. Do you remember that day, Will? I know I can’t get it out of my fucking head.” I mocked his words by lowering my voice into a poor example of his own. “Never.”
He stared back at me with a plethora of emotions in his eyes. Sadness. Apology. Fear.
But I couldn’t find an ounce of sympathy for him in that moment.
“A relationship needs honesty,” I said, and he started to interject. But I held my hand in the air and continued. “I’m sorry, Will. I just can’t do it. I can’t be in a relationship with you.”
In that moment, I wasn’t sure what hurt more, Will breaking my heart or my having to end things with a man I’d honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with.
“So…that’s it?” he questioned and stared at me with an ocean full of hurt in his eyes. “You’re just walking away without giving me a chance to explain? You’re just giving up?”
I’m not giving up. I’m saving myself.
I had been able to leave my relationship with Eli unscathed. But I felt like if I stayed with Will, I was playing Russian roulette with my heart. And I knew he had the power to hurt me past the point of no return.
“I’m sorry, Will,” I repeated, and before I could talk myself out of my next decision, I added, “Today will be my last day at work. Consider this my official resignation.”
A shocked gasp left his lips, and I couldn’t find the strength to meet his eyes.
Instead, without another word, I kept my head angled toward the ground and left his office.
And fifteen minutes later, I was sitting on the subway, heading home to my parents’ apartment, jobless, Will-less, and feeling more lost than I’d ever felt in my entire life.
One week.
It’d been one week since Melody had left my office after quitting her job and ending our relationship in one painful as fuck swoop.
She’d seen an episode where I’d hooked up with a hospital nurse named Emily, and like a goddamn tic burrowing under a human’s skin, the show from hell had succeeded in planting a seed of doubt into Mel’s head.
She thought I was dishonest with her. No, that made it sound too nice. Like an honest mistake—which it was.
But what she thought was that I’d lied to her. Willfully and with intent.
Knowing she could think that of me burned deep inside, singeing my organs enough that I was in constant pain with absolutely no chance of respite from actual death.
But the worst accusation of all was that I’d been careless with her feelings. Again, willfully and with intent, as though I was the kind of person who couldn’t see beyond himself.
And that fucking hurt.
If there was one thing I never wanted to do, would never on my life do intentionally, it was hurt her. In my world, the sun rose and set over Melody’s smiles and laughs and anything else that made up the woman I’d honestly thought was the woman for me. The one I’d settled down with. The one I’d marry. The one I’d spend the rest of my life with.
God, how in the hell did things go so wrong?
I’d spent the early part of this week trying to call her, trying to talk to her, trying to somehow get her to give me time to explain. But it was all to no avail. She either didn’t answer or the calls went straight to voice mail.
Once, I’d even tried to ambush her at Janet and Bill’s, but her mom had said she wasn’t home. She’d had sad eyes as she said it, but I was still the enemy. No one fucks with a mama’s little girl.
Basically, Melody was avoiding me, and I didn’t know how in the fuck to fix this situation.
I wanted to—days without Mel were absolute hell. I just couldn’t figure out how.
Fucking Dr. Obscene. I was really starting to hate that guy.
Too bad that guy is you…
“Congratulations!” Marlene cheered as I entered the office. “The show is finally over, and all of our new patient positions are filled. Thank God.”
I attempted a half of a smile, but it didn’t feel like the result was anything resembling happiness at all. Yes, the show was finally over. Yes, the focus would be shifting to Scott Shepard next week as episodes of the Dr. ER version of The Doctor Is In would start to air.
But I’d had a taste of everything I wanted—everything I really hadn’t been sure I’d find out of life—and now I’d never have it again. Melody officially wasn’t my nurse anymore, and even more officially, she wasn’t my girlfriend either.
Fuck everyone and everything.
“Thanks. I…yeah. Thanks.”
I shook my head and moved down the hall, but Betty didn’t talk quietly enough to keep me from hearing the moment the gossip started up.
“God, he looks miserable.”