“I hope you enjoyed the view.” Irritation still roughens my voice. “’Cause that’s the closest you’ll ever get. I promise you that.”
“Tell Kai I came by in case she wanted to grab breakfast before rehearsal,” he says, not addressing my promise. “We have a production meeting at nine, so make sure she’s not late.”
Without another word, he turns and walks down the hall. I close the door and head back to the bedroom. Kai sits on the edge of the bed, head buried in her hands. She looks up when I enter, cheeks pink.
“I had no idea he was here. Oh my God.”
“It’s okay.” I sit beside her, dragging her onto my lap and pressing a kiss to her lips. “He got an eyeful of what he’ll never have.”
She pulls back, searching my face.
“So I guess he knows we’re together, huh?”
“Sorry. I was asleep and didn’t think twice about answering the door. He was gonna find out anyway.”
“Yeah.” She nods, laying her head against my shoulder. “I’ll talk to him later. Explain what’s up. He’ll be fine.”
“He has no choice but to be fine.” I pause, looking for a way to say this without sounding insecure and jealous. “I’m serious about you not working with him beyond this tour.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” She slides off my lap, standing at the foot of the bed.
“We’re at the bridge, Kai.” I wrap my hands around the backs of her thighs, bringing her back to stand between my legs. “He as much as admitted he’s just biding his time. Waiting for me to fuck up again so he can make his move.”
“He said that?” She frowns, pushing one hand into my hair and cupping my face with the other.
“Pretty much.” I lean into her palm. “Look, I can’t make you do anything. I’ve seen where that gets me, but I can tell you when someone in your life wants me out of it. And Dub wants me out. You do what you want with that information.”
She stares at me unblinkingly for a few moments, and for the first time, I think I may have handled this the right way. I think the wiser part of me won this round because she nods, a thoughtful expression on her face.
“Okay,” she says softly. “I’ll tell Malcolm we need to find someone new.”
There is so much inner fist pumping going on, but I keep a cool front, just nodding like I haven’t won this round.
“I overslept.” She climbs up on the bed, knees on either side of my legs, her ass in my lap. “I need to shower and get to this production meeting. I guess you have to go?”
“Yeah.” I press her back until we’re heart to heart. “Supposed to meet Kaos at his place around eleven.”
“I can’t believe you came all this way for one night.” She peers at me, a small smile on her lips. “Was it worth it?”
“You mean were you worth it?” I whisper into her hair.
After a second’s hesitation, she pulls back to study my face and nods.
“I’ll always move heaven and earth to be with you,” I assure her. “When it makes no sense. When it wastes time. When it’s hard. Doesn’t matter. If you ever wonder if you’re worth it, the answer’s always yes.”
Maybe every time I’ve said that before, it hasn’t gone much further than her ears. It hasn’t made it past her head to her heart. For some reason today I think it sinks in that I mean it. That there’s nothing in my life I wouldn’t forfeit to be with her. As crazy as it sounds, as quickly as it happened, it’s just there. It’s just true. And there’s nothing I would do to change it. Maybe it’s that realization that makes her mean it, too, because for the first time I believe her when she answers.
“And there’s nothing I wouldn’t give up for you.” She rests her forehead against mine, her eyes sober and set. “I live you.”
I didn’t know what it would mean to me when she said it that way for the first time again, our way, but it unlocks something inside of me. A certainty that I didn’t imagine our love the way it was before. No matter what Dub or Jimmi or the media or damn Instagram would lead me to believe, I never lost her. What’s between us won’t be destroyed by one fight or two months apart or anything else that’s thrown at us.
“I live you, too, Pep.” I flatten the words between our lips. “God, so much.”
And that’s all that counts.
AMERICAN SOIL NEVER FELT SO GOOD beneath my feet. Tonight is the last show, and we’re back in LA. We blazed a trail through Europe over the last three weeks. I’ve visited cities I never thought I would, though I didn’t get to see much of them, and seen and done all the things I only dreamt of doing, at least onstage. It would truly feel like a dream if it weren’t such hard work. Malcolm wanted me to leave a mark with this tour, to take full advantage of Luke’s audience with my opening act, and he seems pleased. At the beginning of the tour, I was a footnote.