Down the Rabbit Hole

Macy gripped the phone in both hands, looking deeply into his eyes, drinking in his full-blown and distraught attention. “Well . . . yes. I mean, I don’t blame you. If I wasn’t interesting, why wouldn’t you tune out? But you know, now that you say all of that I think I was doing the same thing. I was only thinking about me and what I wanted.”


He ran a hand through his hair in a gesture so dear to her that her breath caught. “Macy, oh, Macy. That is so far from the truth. You were right there with me and I was always somewhere else. I can’t believe I did that to you. The number one thing in a relationship has to be emotional security, and I gave you none of that. I was such an idiot, Mace.”

She swallowed hard over the lump in her throat and gave a light laugh. “The number one thing in a relationship? Did you Google that?”

He looked sheepish and laughed. “Actually I did. I’ve been . . . uh . . . working on things. On myself. Or rather, not myself. Trying to figure out what went wrong.”

“You were? Then . . . are you saying . . . ?” She couldn’t get the words out. She could not ask him if he still loved her, because even after all of this, she was scared to death he might say no.

“Macy, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. And it wasn’t about the phone, or the iPad or whatever, it was about me not knowing how to love. Not knowing how to nurture love, and build it, and take care of it the way it should be taken care of.”

A tear slipped down her face and she smiled. “Google again?”

He gave her a look she hadn’t seen since one of their earliest moments in bed. “Just the vocabulary, Mace. The feelings are all mine. And I’m so, so sorry. I ruined everything.”

She swiped at her cheeks to dry them with her gloves and gave him a watery smile. “But I did the same thing. I made snap judgments and then—then I bailed on you. And in the cruelest way!”

His lips were pressed together, and his eyes looked as if they might be wet too. She gripped the phone harder, brought it closer to try to see if he was tearing up, then realized that her face was getting huge on his screen. She yanked it back.

“I miss you, Macy,” he said. “God, I miss you so much. I wish . . . I wish I could go back in time, back to when I was lucky enough to have your love.”

“Jeremy, I still love you! You don’t know how much I wish I could undo it all, the misunderstanding, the breakup—” As she said the words the screen went blank. Then her phone vibrated and the app closed itself down. “No!” she wailed, shaking the phone in her hands. She took the finger of one glove in her teeth and pulled it off, then started poking the app with her finger. But instead of opening back up, the entire phone shut itself off. “No!”

“Macy,” April said, coming closer.

Macy looked up and saw a crowd of people near the bus stop watching her, their faces looking as devastated as she felt, like they were watching the sad ending of her life’s movie.

“Macy, turn around,” April said.

Macy caught the smile on April’s face and spun to look behind her. Weaving through the crowd on the sidewalk, Jeremy was moving toward her, his eyes scanning the people all around until his gaze landed on hers.

Her mouth dropped open, the glove fell to the ground and he stopped.

“You were right here?” she asked, not knowing what else to say. “All along? Why didn’t you just—?”

But instead of speaking he moved swiftly toward her. Before she could get another word out his arms were around her and he was kissing her.

She didn’t hear the applause from the group of tired commuters waiting for the bus. And she missed it when April said that she’d call her later. She didn’t even hear her cell phone dropping to the ground.

The only things she was aware of were Jeremy’s arms tight around her and his lips on hers. When the kiss broke he pulled her closer, one hand on the back of her head. “I’m not letting you go again. I’m never going to be that fool again, Macy, I promise. Doubtless I’ll be some other kind of fool somewhere along the line, but don’t you ever doubt that I love you.”

She pulled back, her eyes capturing his. “I was the fool. And I’ve learned my lesson.”

He smiled, and his eyes were wet this time, she was sure.

“Marry me,” he said.