Dishing the Dirt

*

Mrs. Danby went into her bedroom and stripped off her blouse and trousers. Her trousers were too long for her and she had rolled up the bottoms. She took the trousers and threw them on top of a pile of clothes in the laundry basket. A large leaf which had been stuck to the bottom of the trousers fell at her feet. She automatically picked it up and rolled it between her fingers while she wondered if she had anything clean to wear.

She suddenly clutched her heart as she was seized by a violent allergic reaction. “Help!” she shrieked.

Simon came running in, looked at her contorted face and wondered why the matronly Mrs. Danby was wearing a scarlet thong. He phoned for an ambulance.

Desperate to do something, he went into the kitchen, filled a glass of water, poured a pile of salt into it, mixed it up and took it to her. “Drink!” he shouted. He got her to take a large gulp and then she vomited all over the floor. “Did you eat or drink something bad?” he asked.

“Leaf,” she said weakly. “That there leaf.”

Simon heard the wail of a siren. He took out a little plastic back and put on gloves. He lifted the leaf carefully into the bag.

“What’s your daughter’s phone number?” he asked.

“On the wall. Above the kitchen phone. Josie Maller.”

*

The ambulance men arrived, closely followed by two policemen and a detective. The woman was Detective Sergeant Ruby Carson. She had blond hair and deep blue eyes. Simon forgot all about Toni and fell in love on the spot. He rapidly told Ruby and the paramedics about the leaf. She said she would take his statement while waiting for the pathologist and a forensic team to arrive, while they sat in her car.

Said Ruby, after Simon had reverently handed her the little plastic bag with the leaf inside, “I’ll phone the hospital in a few minutes to make sure she’s still alive. I’ll give this leaf to the forensic lab.” She took his statement down, printed it off on her mobile printer and got him to sign it.

“It all seems to have started in that village where your boss lives,” said Ruby. “What’s the connection?”

“David Herythe was on holiday and keen to do a bit of detecting,” said Simon. “He dies. His cleaning woman picks up this discarded leaf and has a seizure. Jill Davent, that therapist, I am sure, found out something about someone, and whatever it was panicked a murderer.”

“I’ll just phone the hospital.” Simon waited while Ruby phoned, studying her attractive profile. How old was she? Maybe a good bit older than he was. He wondered whether to ask her out.

She finally rang off and said that Mrs. Danby was still alive.

Simon took the plunge. “What do you do in your spare time?” he asked.

Ruby flashed him an amused look. “Are you chatting me up?”

“Trying to,” said Simon.

There was a rap at the car window. “Detective Inspector Briggs, Mr. Black,” said a man, leaning in the passenger window. “Have you made a statement?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you are to go directly to Mircester police headquarters and tell them what you’ve been up to.” Off with you.”

When he had left, Simon groaned. “They’ll probably keep me up all night. Do you have a card?”

Ruby smiled and handed one over.

“Thanks,” said Simon. “I’ll be in touch.”

She isn’t wearing any rings, he thought happily, as he drove off to Mircester.

*