Our days are numbered with her. The doctor says when it’s time, we’ll know. We brought her home earlier today and got her comfortable. Clara and I have played nice for her sake, but I think she can tell. While we got Neena home and situated, Marcus and Mei-ling took Ally and Vanessa to the airport. The two were in a mess of tears when they left. For them . . . this will be the last time they see Neena.
When they approached Neena to say good-bye, they couldn’t hide their emotions. Vanessa leaned in and kissed her forehead. She whispered a prayer for Neena before she stood, wiping her face. Neena gave the best smile she could. My little girl . . . always trying to stay strong for everyone else. “I love you, stink.” Stink was short for stinker . . . a nickname she’d apparently given Neena years ago.
“I love you, too,” Neena told her.
“Neena,” Ally whispered as she took Neena’s hand. “You are in my heart, always.”
Neena took Ally’s hand and pressed the back of it against her cheek. “You’re in mine, too.”
When they finished with their good-byes, Clara walked them out. It was a harsh reality. No one wants to see a child die. The three mothers stood on the porch, hugging for a long time as they all cried.
We’ve been home a few hours and Clara is tucking Neena in while I put on the television for her.
“I want you to finish the story. I want to see it,” she whispers. Her exhaustion is more apparent than ever.
Clara’s eyes water and she inhales and lets it out softly. “We need to be here with you, Neena. That’s what we want.”
“Please finish it. Please.”
Clara looks to me, her once trembling lips now in a tight, flat line. I hate that we’re fighting, but I hate that she blames me for this even more. I just want Neena to be happy. Didn’t we agree to making her last days happy?
“We will, princess,” I volunteer. “I’ll call Ashley right now.”
When I explain to Ashley we’re running out of time if we want Neena to see this video, she needs to kick the interviews into high gear. No more small talk.
Ashley understands and the next time we meet she gets right to the point.
“Clara kissed you, when she brought you food after Sap passed away. Want to pick up from there?”
When I had kissed Clara for the first time, it really messed with my head. I liked kissing her. I liked kissing her way more than I cared to admit. That kiss made me imagine things . . . things that involved maybe staying put, settling down. But that was fucking crazy. It was a kiss. One kiss. I went home that night and paced the floors, trying not to think about it. She was so soft. She smelled so good. She was getting to me. Fuck. That was it. I had to leave—at least for a little while to clear my head. So I packed a bag and booked a flight. I was gone.
But being away didn’t keep me from thinking about her. I couldn’t stop. I made it a month before I returned. I told myself I was only going home because my mother would be moving soon and I wanted to see her before she left. She did move, about a week after Sap passed away. Maybe her moving was part of it. But not really. I came back to see Clara. I’d hoped time apart would break the spell. But nope.
Sap passing away was hard. He was a dear friend. And when Clara showed up with that shitty casserole, I think that was when I realized this woman was it. I didn’t want to admit that to myself, but it was that moment. I know it. But I told myself she wasn’t into me—not like that. Sure she had let me kiss her, but I’d kind of made her. She definitely didn’t like me, or so I thought.
Until she kissed me.
On my porch.
While I was in my underwear.
It was a mess. She practically clobbered me. She botched it. But only at first. Once I caught myself and knew we wouldn’t topple to the ground, she owned it.
I didn’t speak to her for a few days until I went back to work. She acted like nothing had happened. We were back to Paul and Clara, business partners. That drove me fucking nuts. But I went with it. If she could be cool, so could I. We’d hired a new pilot and he was doing a few practice runs with me and the other divers. It was just a simple day—nothing special. That’s what I thought when I dove out of the plane.
Then my chute didn’t open.
It’s not the first time it had happened, but it was still scary as fuck. Luckily, my emergency chute saved the day, and I landed safely, but my adrenaline was through the roof. I needed a release. The sun was just about to set when I made it to my truck after landing. I’d driven separately from the others and when I passed the office, I noticed Clara had left Marcus to close up. Her car wasn’t in the lot. The two had started an unspoken trade-off, where one stayed and the other left in the afternoons. The less they had to see one another, the less they fought.