“Actually, I usually am and I’m a little surprised at myself. I’ve never slept with someone on the first date, but I couldn’t resist all your sexiness and that hot body of yours.” Man does he eat up the compliment as the biggest smirk spreads across his lips.
“Is that right?” he says.
“Yes and you know it,” I laugh.
“You’re beautiful, sexy and absolutely adorable,” he says, kissing me on the lips and brushing my hair out of my eyes.
“Why thank you.”
“My frat’s Winter Formal is coming up, will you do me the honor of going with me?”
“I’d love to,” I agree readily as relief washes over me that this will be more than a one night thing because I like this guy who I just gave myself to so willingly.
SIX
CLARISSA
I get a text from Grant this evening and he wants me to come over. In my heart I know I need to end this, but if I go to his place, once I’m in his arms, there is no way I will go through with it. I need a better plan. I decide to meet him for lunch at that same place across the street from school and tell him then, in person, but not in his arms. That is the only way this will ever happen.
Grant: Come over tonight.
Clarissa: I can’t, can we meet for lunch tomorrow?
Grant: Why lunch, then I can’t see all of you?
Clarissa: 1:00 at the Crossroads Center
Grant: Alright.
Man, that was hard to resist, I got warm between my legs at his ‘see all of me’ comment. My heart is racing just from texting! How am I going to do this? I already miss him, but things can’t stay the same.
*****
This is the only way to do it, I’m telling myself, as I ride over to the Crossroads Center to meet Grant for lunch. I’m filled with dread and apprehension. God, am I going to be able to go through with this? Will I be able to give him up?
When I walk into the restaurant he’s already there, sitting at a table out on the patio. Our eyes lock and he knows. He pierces me with those eyes of his and I feel like I’m about to tear up, maybe doing this in public wasn’t such a good idea. I feel a lump in my throat and swallow hard before I walk out to him.
“Hi,” I say, pulling out the chair across from him.
“Clarissa, don’t do this,” he says, he knows what I’m about to say. He can read it on my face.
“Grant, this isn’t going to work anymore,” I’m trying my hardest to not get emotional.
“Why?”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore,” I say softly looking down.
“Clarissa look at me, I still want this,” he says with a pleading look in his eyes that tugs at my heartstrings.
“I need to go Grant,” I say, standing because I’m about to lose it, and he stands with me.
“Come to my car,” Grant says, reaching for me.
“No, that’s not a good idea,” I say my voice cracking.
“I don’t care, come on,” he says softly yet directly, placing his hand on the small of my back leading me towards his car. Good thing I have my sunglasses on, I try and blink back my tears.
We find his car in the parking lot and he opens the door for me, I hesitate for a moment.
“Get in,” Grant says. I sit in the passenger seat and throw my head back against the headrest and let out a long sigh as Grant goes around the back of the car and gets in. He starts the engine.
“Grant, no,” I plead, placing my hand on his arm.
“I’m taking you home,” he says reversing. I glance down at his hand on the gearshift and I imagine those fingers touching me, and now I won’t ever feel them on me again. It sends a painful ache through my body.
“To my apartment, but my bike?” I say.
“No, my place,” he says, continuing to drive out of the parking lot. I put my hand to my mouth, my lips are quivering and I can’t find my voice to object. Clarissa, you’ve got to stop this.
“Grant, we can’t do this anymore,” I beg.
“Why not? I still want to be with you, and I know you still want me,” Grant says, looking straight ahead as if he’s really concentrating on driving. If he gets me in his condo, I will lose my resolve to go through with this.
“I want to be with Jason,” I blurt out, finding my voice to stop this, and it works. He pulls the car over and kills the engine. His jaw is clenched and he won’t look at me.
“Have you already ‘been’ with him?” he asks.
“No!” I exclaim in disbelief that he would question me.
“What about that night of the concert?”
“No, I told you,” I say removing my sunglasses so he can see in my eyes that I’m telling the truth.
“Alright, I believe you,” he says, turning to face me.
“Grant, I’m sorry. For a number of reasons we can’t do this anymore, one of which is you’re risking your job by being with me.”
“I don’t give a shit about that,” he says, reaching to caress my cheek.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and the tears start to roll down my face.
“Can I have one last night with you?” he asks and it just about kills me.
“God Grant, this is so hard for me to give you up. I love being with you, I really do. You’re an amazing person, you’ve been so tender with me and made me feel so special,” I say, sniffling back my tears.