“You’re in love!” Andi declared.
“What? No. That’s ridiculous. I’m just… I’m… in love,” Maggie realized aloud as a smile spread across her face. There was no denying it. She’d never felt this way about a man before. The rational side of her mind tried to argue that it was just infatuation, just an overreaction to this new level of intimacy that she’d never experienced before, this new level of emotion. Love her heart screamed, the emotion is love. She couldn’t stop smiling as she went round and round with the idea in her mind.
“Oh yeah, you’ve got it bad,” Andi confirmed.
“I guess I do,” Maggie sighed happily. There was no reason to deny it, no reason to want to.
“So what’s the plan?” Andi asked as she finished off her sandwich.
“I need to pick up some groceries, and then I was hoping I could catch a ride home with you,” Maggie told her as she finished her own lunch.
“No, I mean the big plan. What are you going to do when summer is over?” Andi asked the question that Maggie had been ignoring since the day she’d arrived. Maggie felt that question hit her with full force now, and she didn’t have an answer.
She felt a familiar tightening in her chest as it suddenly became harder to breathe. She could feel the panic gripping her, but she wouldn’t let it take hold. Maggie had been trying to coast through this summer without making plans, without thinking of the future. It was all catching up with her now.
She’d always made plans to feel in control, to keep the panic at bay. She had no plans right now; she had no control. In the past, acknowledging that fact alone would be enough to cripple her with a panic attack, but that’s not who she was anymore. It’s not who she wanted to be. She had come too far from the person she’d been to go back now.
She’d proven that she could survive without a plan, and learned that sometimes allowing life to happen led you down roads you may never have found on your own. However, she also realized that she couldn’t just float through the rest of her life. It was time to make a plan.
“I don’t know,” Maggie answered honestly. “But I think it’s time to figure that out.”
“I’ve got two more hours on my shift,” Andi told her as they paid for their lunch. “But after that I can take you home.”
“Alright. I’ll walk around town for a while to kill some time before I start my grocery shopping.”
The women hugged goodbye and Andi headed back toward the grocery store, leaving Maggie to window shop and wander the streets of Sweetwater. Maggie was lost in thought as she slowly navigated the tree-lined avenues.
She realized that a small part of her had always planned to go back to Boston. She’d considered this adventure a break from reality, a respite for her overwhelmed mind, but the little control freak that lived inside her head had always planned to go back. She’d only been fooling herself believing that she was coasting through this summer without a plan. Perhaps she had allowed herself a few months of a carefree existence, but she’d only been able to live that way because in the back of her mind she knew she would return to reality eventually. But things were different now, so many things had changed. She had changed. Had what she wanted changed as well?
The idea of returning to her solitary life in Boston was almost unbearable. But Aaron’s behavior this morning also made her question whether or not he would actually want her to stay. And what if he did ask her to stay? Is that what she wanted? Was she was ready to give up her dream of becoming a doctor? She realized now that not only had she planned to return to Boston, she’d also hoped to be accepted back into school.
Maggie had always dreamed of being a doctor, and although she’d hit a major bump in the road along the way, she wasn’t really sure that she was ready to give up on that dream. But how could she have both? How could she have this life with Aaron and also pursue her dreams? If she had to choose, what did she want more?
Maggie was so lost in thought that she didn’t even see the gentleman in front of her until she bumped right into him.
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Maggie exclaimed. She looked up at the man and found a pair of ice-blue eyes staring back at her.
“Pardon me,” the man said, gently gripping Maggie’s arms to steady her as she stumbled backward. She quickly righted herself and stepped out of his grasp.
“I really need to learn to watch where I’m walking,” Maggie apologized again. She felt very nervous under his penetrating gaze.
“The fault is mine,” he insisted. “I’m afraid I’m a bit lost and I was too busy looking for a street sign that I didn’t even see the beautiful woman right in front of me.”