He gave her a weak smile and crossed the room to her fridge. A second glow whispered through the darkness when he opened the door, illuminating his wrinkled shirt.
She studied the way his arms and back moved under the fabric, but looked away before the memories could resurface. Part of the delay in her work was because she kept replaying his words over and over in her head. She was starting to believe she felt the same way, and it terrified her. All the reasons she left a year ago rushed back in the jumble of fear. What if they didn’t work out? What if that destroyed this thing they’d built and then rebuilt?
And what if none of that happens, and it’s as amazing as I hope?
He crossed the room and set a can on the table. “How does it look?”
She tried to ignore the tingle when his hand brushed her arm and the twinge of disappointment when he stepped back. She took a long swallow of the cold coffee drink. “Same as last time you asked. And the time before. And always. It looks like two rich kids who don't understand the concept of restricted spending have blown through your advertising budget six months faster than they should have.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” He leaned over her, chest brushing her shoulder. “Those are the numbers?”
She nodded, glum spreading through her. She’d been through every option she could think of. Pre-orders wouldn’t help the way she projected originally, since they couldn’t afford their own distribution and retailers wouldn’t pay out until release day. They didn’t even have enough left for a basic cable ad. Well, maybe one, but not if they wanted to do anything else. “Look at it this way. If one of you mortgages your house, you should be able to pay for some pay-per-click ads and maybe a couple of gaming magazine spots.”
“Really?” His voice was teasing. “Scott's definitely since mine is home base.”
She giggled. “Nice.”
“I’ve missed your laugh.”
A pulse of want raced over her, and she pushed away from him, almost toppling her chair. She hoped the heat flooding her face didn’t show. The conflict inside gnawed at her exhaustion. “Don't.”
He frowned. “So I’m really the only one this is killing.”
Regret and longing filled her. “I… I’m sorry.”
He crossed his arms, expression hardening. “Just make the numbers work. That's what I'm supposed to say now, right?”
When he turned away, emptiness throbbed inside her. She licked her lips, mouth suddenly dry. “Wait.”
“What?” He didn't turn around.
The chair's metal casters screeched on the tile when she stood. She closed the distance between them but didn't dare touch him. “I didn't… I just— I'm sorry.”
He shrugged, muscle rippling under skin along his back. “We'll find the money somewhere.”
Her pain grew at the callous response. “Not about that.”
He whirled back to face her. “I can't do this. You push me away, you want me back, you lean closer, you pull away. I mean it when I say it’s devouring me.”
She swallowed and stepped forward. Resting a hand on his chest, she felt his heartbeat racing against her palm. He was as nervous as she was. “Do you want to know why I left?”
“You missed your cue. That was your line five hours ago.”
She didn’t look away. It ached to look him in the eye, but she had to let him know she was being sincere. “I was terrified of how intense this is. Something this hot and passionate burns out.” As the words spilled out, their truth sank deep. Why had she never realized that before? “We can’t afford to burn out. This is more than just how we feel about each other. You don’t want Kelly to happen again, and I don’t either. But even now, I feel empty without you.”
His gaze raked over her face. “Just because the fire shifts, doesn’t mean it has to fade or go out. Cord was a huge risk. We blew everything on it, and in the end, we almost lost it all. Rinslet, that’s like doubling down on zero at the roulette table after winning the first time. It’s worth the risk though. I’d never forgive myself if I walked away. Neither would Scott.”
He traced a thumb over her cheek, and cupped her neck. “I feel the same way about you and me. Except with us, I don’t see the same risk. Still, I’d never let myself live it down if I walked away from you without trying. It destroys me every time you leave, and that’s part of how I know it’s real.”
She didn’t want to hear that because she knew exactly what he meant. Acknowledging it meant admitting she didn’t feel complete without him. “Having you here now is incredible, even if we’re just working, but…”
He put a finger on her lips. “I’m running out of words to tell you how much I want you, but it’s more important to me you’re happy. I honestly think you and I can make it work, but only if you’re interested.”
“Maybe.” She was more than interested, but it couldn’t be as simple as he made it sound.