She tried to focus on each new touch, scent, and sound. The way his stubble scraped along her throat when he kissed down to her chest. The cool air against her skin when he stripped her shirt off. The appreciation in his gaze when he raked it over her.
“Why did we wait so long to do this?” he asked. He dropped onto the bed and pulled her into his lap. He was rock hard when she straddled his legs.
Were they moving too fast? No, their entire relationship had been leading up to this. It made perfect sense. “We’re stubborn?” She gave him a timid smile.
“Maybe it’s time to stop overthinking things.” His hands roamed up her bare stomach, thumbs brushing her nipples through the lace of her bra. She gasped and thrust her chest forward. He traced light circles over the fabric. It wasn't enough.
“Harder,” she whimpered. If it had been Zach, the passion wouldn’t be missing. A dull ache thudded in her chest the moment the thought formed. This wasn’t working. Intellectually, she desperately wanted it to, but she couldn’t feel it. Her shoulders slumped.
Scott studied her, confusion and frustration warring for dominance on his expression. “Not quite the response I was hoping for.”
She tried to erase her reactions. It wasn't as if he knew what she was thinking. She could just slide back into the moment and they could… What? Keep make-believing?
She slid from his lap, and rolled onto her back with a sigh. The cool cotton of the comforter caressed her skin. She stared at the ceiling, not sure what to say. “I don't think this is a good idea.”
His weight shook the mattress as he flopped back next to her. He intertwined his fingers with hers. “You're not having fun?”
Damn it, why was he doing this? And why couldn’t she just accept it for what it was? The ache in her chest grew, regret mixing with a longing for something she knew she couldn't have. “I just… I don't want to lose our friendship over this.”
His laugh filtered through clenched teeth. “Did you ever actually get over him? Or has he been the bar you’ve used to measure every guy since?”
She didn’t have to ask who he was talking about. Of course she had gotten over Zach. Eons ago. Or had she? Was she really that transparent? Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud. Admitting she felt something for Zach opened her to even more pain. Meant she never managed to let the past go. “That’s not fair. We hadn’t even talked until a week ago.”
He exhaled loudly. “Long time for two people who don’t care about each other to hold a grudge.”
She winced at the sarcasm in his words. “He’s not my type.” Her words sounded weak, even to herself, but she meant it. Zach was so far from her ideal guy, it wasn’t funny. “You are. I want security and comfort, not a one-night stand.” So why had she picked in the other direction?
“Pretty words.” There was an underlying edge to Scott’s voice. “Besides, you wouldn’t be a one-night stand to him.”
“Oh?” She had to force the hope to stay out of her question.
“You’re interesting enough, you’d probably last a week.”
His jab echoed every self-doubt she’d been trying to smother. She couldn’t ignore the ache in her chest. She forced herself to speak smoothly. “This isn’t about Zach; it’s about us. What if it doesn’t work out? You’re under a lot of stress right now. If we keep going and things fall apart… I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
“That’s the most eloquent version of that speech I’ve ever heard, and I’ve delivered it myself a couple of times, so that’s saying something.” He wasn’t touching her anymore. The gap between them seemed to stretch with every word. “What if I told you I’d been thinking about this for a long time? That it’s why things were so strained between us last time we got together? That this whole hostile-takeover thing has made me realize just how temporary some things are, and that you matter too much to me to let you go?”
Each phrase dug deeper, making her question her resolve, but it still didn’t feel right. “Have you really?”
The mattress shifted, and he propped himself up on one elbow to lean over her. “I wasn’t as broken up as I should have been when the two of you split. I know that’s selfish of me, but there it is. I hated that you left town. I was glad you didn’t make me take sides. You’re supposed to be mine. I mean, not literally, but you’re the one thing I have he doesn’t.”
What did that mean? The statement left her cold and made her reluctant to ask for an explanation.
It had been stressful for all three of them back then. The last thing she wanted was a repeat of that. Something to keep in mind, and another reason to draw a line with Zach. She sat up, using her elbows to keep her shoulders off the bed, and kissed him on the cheek. “I will never have the kind of relationship I have with you with anyone else. Don’t take that away from us.”