Charlie watched her dark lashes flutter on her cheeks. Christine had never, before this Australian dream trip, traveled more than twenty miles from her hometown, except to visit her children at their universities. A mom to the core, her children were her whole world, regardless of the fact they were adults themselves. A knife twist, a pain he rarely acknowledged, coursed through him. No mother, especially a dedicated one like Christine, could be so far from her children or pull up stakes and leave them, especially when he couldn't tell her for certain exactly what he could offer.
His life and history remained here. As deep as Christine's roots ran in the mainland, his ran just as deep here. Generations of Jergens lived, loved, worked, and died here. He remained one of a dying race of natives who didn't move away, craving the outside world like his sister, like Monica. While Christine could never be like her, the need to be independent and strong ran deep. After all, he traveled extensively, so wanderlust flowed in his veins as well. Charlie sighed over her head and heard her murmur, snuggling closer. They may be from two different worlds, but he'd never felt as close and joined to another person as he felt right now.
"I won't ask you to take a chance when I'm not sure I can do the same." His whisper stirred her hair, yet she remained asleep. "I won't ask, like I once did another, for your dreams to come second to mine. I won't disregard all your work these last months and years to become this strong woman I admire, who survived things no woman should even experience. So what the hell are we going to do?" His head rested on hers. "I could always apply for a transfer; make a new life in your world. I'm finally due for promotion, so I'll lose my place and have to start all over. Which I could, sure, but I'd also have to leave the state where so many of my family are buried? Where part of my own soul is buried?"
Christine shifted as if in protest. Part of his soul also lay buried in the woman he held, he realized with a jerk, and had for a long time. So now what? "God, what a mess."
Charlie breathed in the scent of strawberries and satisfied woman. They could continue like this, since he often traveled to the mainland, arrange times to be together, visit each other, experience pleasure and joy again. Many couples had successful long distance relationships, and they'd already established email and Skype links, phone calls, video chats. It could work.
But would it satisfy either of them in the long term?
Chapter Six
It's all different, Christine thought as they walked to the airport terminal. Everything had changed and not for the better. Waking with Charlie, seeing his smile first thing in the morning was a pleasure beyond even first morning cup of coffee. Yet something had changed, creating an awkward morning after and keeping them too quiet through a near silent breakfast and her preparations to leave.
Christine had showered and dressed alone, while Charlie went to make some phone calls. Why hadn't he used the phone in the room? Did he need to hide something? Christine tried to rationalize it. She'd never seen or talked to him this early in the day, maybe he just wasn't a morning person. Or maybe work beckoned, accounts and information she shouldn't overhear, so he needed privacy. It could be a simple explanation.
Or maybe she just fooled herself. They had crossed an invisible line from friends to lovers, and the way back seemed out of reach for the moment. The emails back and forth, the silly messenger notes, text messages and nightly Skype calls, would all of these change too? Had Christine lost his friendship in exchange for a night of incredible sex? It made no sense. But what else could she think when Charlie wouldn't touch her, didn't look at her or hold her hand? What had she done?
Now she would board a plane in a couple of hours and travel thousands of miles away when the last thing she wanted to do was leave. Christine wanted to stay curled in Charlie's arms, wanted to kiss and stroke him, feel his body inside her again. She wanted to hold hands and watch him smile. Something had changed. She glanced at him but read nothing from his expression. One night of amazing sex and now it was over? If she had no clue how she felt, how could she discover what he felt?
The terminal loomed before them. Once inside, it would be a simple matter of checking in and clearing security. How would a confident, self-assured woman handle saying goodbye? A casual peck on the cheek and a breezy, "Had fun, see you?" Or the simple approach: "Enjoyed it, take care and no worries, mate?" How could she have been so stupid to think nothing would change?
Christine checked in, chatted a bit to assure the clerk, Elizabeth, she'd enjoyed her unexpected time in Hawaii, and walked back to where Charlie waited near the stairs for her gate. He glanced at the arrival and departure board and something inside her wilted.
Clock watching, the ultimate sign of boredom like he couldn't wait to be rid of her. She'd make it easy then. Christine took her laptop case from him, her lips stiff in a forced smile. "I have an hour, so I'll head on up, breathe a bit, maybe meditate to get in the frame of mind to board another plane." Charlie nodded, said nothing, unsmiling as his gaze remained on the board. Christine cleared her throat and bit her lip. "Thank you for everything."