“You’re going to need someone to look after you, Charles, you can’t be taking on the care of a newborn by yourself. Remember what I said about rest?”
“You know Hettie?” Charles lowered his voice as though he was letting Lucas into a secret that required national security clearance. “Well, she has been fussing over me since I came in. And she loves that baby. Together, we could do it.”
Lucas hid a grin. “Would she go with you?”
Charles puffed out his chest. “Of course she would. If I asked her.”
“You’re sure of that?”
“I certainly am.” Charles looked at Lucas as though he were lacking a brain cell. “We might be getting on in years, but we are not so blind that we can’t see what’s in front of us. Not like you young people who hem and haw about.”
“Us young people?” Lucas tried to act dumb, but he knew exactly what Charles was getting at.
“You and Nurse Frankie. You need to get a ring on that girl’s finger before someone else swoops in and does it first.”
Lucas tried to smother a strangled laugh. “There’s nothing going on there. And I certainly won’t be marrying her.”
“Then you’re a bigger fool than I took you for.” Charles assessed him. “And you’re already a fool for her.”
“No.” Lucas shook his head. “I am not.”
Charles shrugged. “Makes no difference to me. Deny it all you like, but it’s obvious to anyone with two good eyes in their face. You watch her all the time.”
“I’m supervising her work.”
Charles let out a deep belly laugh. “Oh, right. And supervising means you stand there with a daft grin on your face, does it?”
“I do not.” Lucas glanced around, hoping someone needed him and he could extricate himself from the conversation that had fast gotten way out of control.
“Son.” Charles beckoned Lucas closer. “I have all day to lay here and people watch. The fact that you moon after that girl tells me there’s something going on. And I’m telling you life is too short to make up excuses and pretend something isn’t happening when it is.”
“Okay.” Lucas was prepared to concede a little ground to the older man. “There’s something going on, but it’ll stay here on Astoria. Relationships and I don’t go together.”
“More fool you, doc, if you let her go because of some silly idea you have about how relationships should or shouldn’t be.”
“I don’t deserve one.” Lucas forced the words out of his mouth.
“Whatever is in your past, whatever you’ve done, everyone deserves to be happy. You only get one life.”
“Even if you’ve killed someone?” Lucas wished he’d walked away before the words fell out of his mouth. When had this simple doctor-to-patient conversation turned into a confessional?
“You’re telling me you killed a person?” Charles sounded disbelieving.
Lucas pulled a hand through his hair. “Yes. I did something that caused another person to die. I caused that death. So I don’t deserve happiness.”
“You’re sorry for what you did? You regret it every day?”
“Of course. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“And yet you work as a doctor. You can’t do that with a criminal record. So this was an accident we’re talking about?”
“Yes.” Lucas looked around furtively. He’d wanted someone to rescue him moments earlier, now he was afraid anyone could walk up and overhear them. He didn’t want anyone else to know his shame. “But caused by me.”
“You can’t carry guilt like that around with you, son, you just can’t. It eats you from within.”
“And leaves you less than a whole person. Yes, I know. Now do you understand why I can’t ever have a woman like Frankie in my life? She deserves so much more than I can ever give her. I’m not a whole person. Not anymore.”
“I think you’re wrong.” Charles grabbed Lucas’s arm, ensuring he stayed to hear what he was going to say. “Your sorrow, your regret for what happened, is evident. You need to forgive yourself, move past what happened. Otherwise you’re going to miss out on truly living your life. You think that person who died wanted that? For your life to be ruined, too?”
He didn’t know. But he did know that Lewis was never going to have the opportunity to make love to a woman, to get married and to have children—so why the hell should he, Lucas, have those things in his life?
“Frankie, come over here, please.” Lucas called Frankie over to them.
Charles shook his head sadly, as though Lucas had deeply disappointed him. For a moment, Lucas was reminded of his own father. He’d sat and shook his head when told of Lewis’s death, been disbelieving at the funeral and afterwards, when the true picture came to light of how his youngest son had lost his life, he’d turned accusing eyes onto Lucas.
If his own father hadn’t been able to forgive Lucas, how on earth could he be expected to forgive himself?
Chapter Seven