I wasn't looking at the view. Nope.
I groaned when I realized she was only wearing my T-shirt that she'd borrowed when she got under the covers. "Put on some sweatpants or something." She hesitated, looking down at me, my eyes begging, hers teasing.
"You're awfully bossy in the bedroom, aren't you?" Her brow arched, ignoring me, and slipped on the covers.
Fuck. I'm so fucked.
Certainly, I knew what her staying with me meant. But this...her sleeping in my bed... Nope, didn't think that would happen.
"I'm willing to be when needed," I said, giving her a wink, teasing both of us.
Despite my request, we lay there together, both of us staring at the ceiling until she rolled over. "Sorry about invading your room. I couldn't sleep alone."
"I understand." Turning, I propped myself up on my arm, looking down at her, and I was right. I was so fucked because right now I'd do anything to make her feel nothing of what she was feeling. "Is it getting easier?"
Ami gave a shrug. "It's easier now."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
With her lying beside me, the light coming in from the windows providing just enough so I could see her eyes close, she started remembering. "I remember I used to lay awake at night while Andrew would practice throwing pitches to my dad, throwing fast balls and curve balls, and I loved the slap it made. I used to fall asleep to that. Now, sometimes, it's all I hear when I'm trying to sleep. It's comforting, but it reminds me of a time I will never get back."
"How come you weren't with them?" I asked, still staring at the window.
"I was at the beach with Josh, my boyfriend, at the time. We had just made it to his parents' beach house the day Andrew flew out to California with my parents. I didn't go because…" Her cheeks flushed, even in the dark I could see that. "Josh and I had planned to stay for the night…to be alone…"
I caught on pretty quickly as to what she was referring to.
"How did you find out?" I blinked, and she knew what I was asking.
"Josh and I had literally just gotten there and my cell phone started ringing. It was Aunt Kaye, my dad's sister. She was hysterical, and I just knew. It was…I'm not even sure. I've never really thought about it or talked about it. Maybe it will help. I don't know." She seemed to mentally prepare herself. "It was the worst day of my life. Every nightmare I'd ever thought about coming true had in one afternoon."
I squeezed my eyes shut, turning the other way as she continued.
"I never thought I would be able to forget, and I don't want to forget, but I want to move on. I can't live my life grieving them because there are things I could be missing out on. You can't see something shining if you're eyes are closed."
"What was the first memory you had when you woke in the hospital?" I asked, trying not to let on how difficult it was to talk to her about this. I never wanted to push, but I was curious. I learned so much about her when we talked like this.
"It wasn't a memory. It was a voice. I remembered a voice." Her eyes were on mine, carefully watching. "I remembered you for some reason. Not your face, not your eyes, but your voice."
"You were pretty out of it when I found you." The days that she was completely out of it, supported by machines, I was there every day that I could be, talking to her. In a way, I liked to believe I got her out of that coma.
I bent forward and kissed the side of her face, not caring what it meant. I was also kissing a scar that remained from her attack. "There's something about this spot right here that I have to kiss," I said, teasing her with a light tickle on her hip, trying to bring her out of the sadness. "It brought me starry blue eyes…" I kissed up her temple and then her forehead and felt her smile. "I know that's shitty to say because it nearly took your life, but it brought me you."
Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't seem upset. Instead, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips once and then curled into my side.
Touching the side of her face, my thumbs brushed her tears aside. "I can't stop thinking about you. I don't want to, but the thoughts are there…and I want them to be there. I know that you don't need someone like me falling for you. Christ, I'm supposed to tell you that we shouldn't be doing any of this, be like this, but I can't. I can't do it."
Ami smiled, her tears gone. "You sound like a girl right now."
"Shut up and get over here." I couldn't hide it anymore, and I didn't want to. I really liked Ami. She was feisty, loving, carefree, and she was exactly what someone like me needed.
My breath became shallow as the desire got stronger. I wanted her hands on me. I wanted to give her the weight of my body and feel her beneath me. I wanted her lips on me again.
Fuck.
Ami wasn't doing any better, her breathing harsher, heavier, and damn near panting.