They even had a counselor come in and talk with her about her situation, being a rape victim. They described to her, and even me, that she might go through stages, especially during intimacy, where she may feel ashamed or depressed, maybe even powerless.
Until then I never thought about the lasting effects of her being raped. Would she ever have a normal relationship again? Would she want to?
They were all things I wanted to ask but didn't. It made me feel almost bad for kissing her. What if that made her feel powerless?
Regardless of what I thought or feared, I went off how Ami reacted. Never did she show any hesitation with our friendship, or flirting, or even that kiss. For a guy like me, those were all signs that indicated she was okay with it. Knowing the side of Ami that I did, if she didn't want it, she would certainly tell me.
The day she was released, Monday, March 1st, marked nearly ten weeks spent in the hospital. She was happy to be released.
First thing she made me do was stop and get her a hamburger.
Then we drove the seven hours from Chicago to Pittsburgh because Ami didn't want to fly. That I understood, and it was a fun drive, too. We took my new Audi and the seat heaters were her best friend. She liked to be warm after all. Not only did she have her seat heater on full blast, but she also had the heat cranked all the way up. I was dying. Half the trip I had my damn head out the window, trying not to burn alive in my own car.
When we got to my parents' house in Pittsburgh, it took everything I had to leave her there. I knew she was in good hands, but it wasn't just minutes away like she was at the hospital. Now she was a few states away.
We sat outside talking about my last game when every so often Caitlin would peek her head out the door and then throw her arms up, as if her patience was running thin. Ami had met my mom but had yet to meet my dad and sister. They were both excited to meet the girl that had captivated their hockey headed son and brother.
If you knew me before Ami, you'd understand what my life was. Hockey. I didn't date, I had sex, yes, but there was no dating and no bringing a girl home to meet the parents. I wasn't a player like Leo and Remy, but I just didn't have time for that sort of thing. I was living for hockey.
I handed Ami a cell phone I had bought. "Here, I programed my number in case you need to get in touch with me."
Ami hesitated for a moment and then took the phone. "Keeping track of me, are you?"
"No, just wanted you to have a way to get a hold of me. We talked every day in the hospital. You might miss me." I expected Ami to give me a smile or a smart aleck line, but she didn't. That was when I noticed something was wrong.
"You okay?"
"Can we just sit here for a minute?" she asked, staring at the rain streaming down the windows. Her hand reached gently over the center console to my hand.
This had to be hard for her. I knew that. Here she was going to a stranger's house in another state.
"Take as long as you need," I replied, leaning back to face her, her hand in mine. I didn't want her to feel bad about being here. Most of all, I wanted her here. This would be safe. I needed this girl safe. "You'll be safe here. Promise."
"I know. It's just…I feel kind of awkward."
"Don't," I insisted softly but firmly. "It's natural to feel this way."
She nodded, but I could see the anxiety in the way she wouldn't look at the house or me. "What are you afraid of?"
"Falling in love with them and not wanting to leave." She laughed, the truth always there, all you had to do was ask.
"It's okay to fall in love with them. It's okay to want to stay here. They're nice people. Raised me," I said as conversationally as I could, not wanting to scare her. "I know it's hard after what you've been through to have people close to you again, but I honestly believe the more you love, the more you feel and the happier you can be."
"Such a big heart." Ami laughed, trying to hide the fact that my words were exactly what she needed to hear.
"I should have a big heart. I was born on Valentine's Day." My mom used to tell people that was where all my heart came from.
"You never told me that. It makes sense, though. You do have a big heart." I felt myself smile in the darkness hearing her repeat that. "Well shit, that means I missed your birthday." She looked down at her hands. "And to think I was going to make you cupcakes or something equally as cheesy."
"Cupcakes are not cheesy and now I'm holding you to it, eventually...when you're feeling better."
"Oh please, I'm feeling better." She rolled her eyes, the same way she always did at the doctors.
"You're not going to run away from me, are you?" I asked. She knew I was joking, but I also knew she saw the sincerely curious side of my comment.
"It's kind of hard when you know where I'm staying."
"That's true. You'll be in my bed," I teased, instantly regretting it, but Ami laughed, and the comment didn't feel as crude as it seemed.
"Very true." Her smile caught my stare again. "Good night then?"
"Yes, good night."
I was fucking screwed. I had no idea what I had just done. I passed the puck blindly. She would be staying with my parents, and God knows what they'd convince her of.