I stood outside the room for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. It was more along the lines of my fucking feet wouldn't move, and my heart was in my throat.
What if I wasn't who she expected?
That was a big what if in my head. It was the one question that was keeping me from stepping inside. Until now, I'd never seen her eyes open, her smile, or her voice. She'd never seen me, never heard my voice, looked into my eyes, or felt my touch.
At some point, I must have gotten my balls back because I knocked lightly and poked my head inside the door.
And then I heard her voice for the first time. "Come in." Sweet like syrup, but a touch raspy from having the tube in her throat for so long. It was also tender and just as scared as I felt.
She was sitting up; that was also a first. Her eyes were downcast as stared at her hands resting on her lap. She looked up as I came through the door, her bright starry blue eyes, though tired, met mine and I smiled at her.
They were bigger than I imagined and somehow the same cool blue as mine, just brighter. When you looked at her pale complexion and then the eyes, they looked misplaced with their clarity and innocence. I couldn't look away from her, and the anxiety I felt was overwhelming. Beneath the eyes was a depth and intensity I'd never seen in another person. But then again, I'd never taken the time to really stare at someone before.
The doctor came in right then, ruining anything I was about to say, but it gave me a few minutes to decide what to say.
After being around Ami for all of two minutes, I learned a few things. She didn't take shit from anyone, which explained the bruises on her fingers and the blood under her nails when I found her. She fought hard for her life. And she was adorable. When she kept rolling her eyes at the doctor, I dug that. I liked her more by the second and was starting to understand why I was so drawn to her. She was just like me in some ways.
When the doctor left, she turned her attention to me.
"Hi," I said, because I was stupid and couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Wow, you're bigger than I expected." Ami blinked, the motion and her words bringing me from my thoughts and back to her.
Say what?
I just smiled. What the fuck do you say in a moment like this? "Hey, glad you're okay."
No that seemed too…cheesy?
I nervously cleared my throat, trying to gain some composure, if I even could.
Ami must have sensed the edginess surrounding me and motioned to the chair I'd spent almost every night in wondering what this moment would be like. "You can sit…if you want."
So I sat, awkwardly, but I did sit. She watched my every move, her eyes roaming over my body again. I could feel the rush of blood to my face, and other places, because she was watching me so closely.
There was another round of some awkward silence but more from the both of us this time.
I cleared my throat again. It was the only way I could get my words out. "How are you feeling?"
That seemed to spark the fire she needed to talk as well. "Thank you for what you did. I don't know how I can ever thank you for saving me."
"No thanking necessary." My elbows rested uncomfortably on my knees, unable to relax, knees bouncing. "I couldn't leave you out there."
There was a nervous energy swirling around the room, and every breath I took, she did the same, as if we were trying to breathe for each other, say what the other needed. Stumbling over words, we talked about the hospital staff and what they did to save her, but then we were left in silence again.
Ami, noticing the silence had settled, let out a small soft laugh. "Do you know Wendy?"
"Yeah, we've known each other for a few weeks at least."
She nodded, her eyes on her hands. Thankfully, the bruises were disappearing, and if you looked at her now, aside from the bandaged head and pale face, you'd never know she'd been injured with a smile and eyes like that.
But if you looked close enough, and I did, her pain, her memories, what she wouldn't say, was written in the frown she tried to hide when you'd look away or the heavy blinking and the glossy stare.
Wendy had told me her memory surrounding that night was gone, and it may very well have been, but there was a deeper part, a darker part of her that knew pieces of what happened.
She must have noticed I was watching and looked over at me and smiled. I did the same, feeling that connection I'd always felt with her grow a little stronger with her breathtaking smile. "They cut my hair, didn't they?" her hand reached up to touch the side of the bandage and then fell back to the bed.
"Yeah, they had to," I said, looking at my hands and my swollen knuckles from fighting Grady earlier. "It'll grow back, though." I gave her a wink before I realized what I did.
But then she smiled again, seeming to get lost in my words anytime I spoke.
I wanted to say so much, but I couldn't. The words still weren't there, and I didn't want to scare her with everything I had wanted to ask her. Fuck, I was scaring myself with how I was reacting. Image if I could have spoken!