“Ben Cooper.”
I gasp and cover my mouth. What is he doing here? Slowly, I climb down from my stool and make my way into the living room. There’s Ben in his St. Andrew’s white button-down shirt, blue plaid tie, and khakis, staring at one of our abstract paintings that Mom bought in Paris. The few times Ben visited our house when we were dating, he always had this dazzled reaction, like when Dorothy steps into the land of Oz for the first time.
“Ben.”
He turns and rushes toward me—to hug me like he used to. But I give him the Heisman. He stares at my outstretched palms, shocked.
“Why are you here?” I ask.
His Adam’s apple shifts as he swallows, and that’s when I see the tears in his eyes. “I needed to see you. You haven’t been answering my texts.”
“I blocked your number.”
He takes a step back. “I’m so sorry, Tee. I never thought this would happen. I was so grateful when you helped me, but I didn’t think it would turn out this way.”
“Neither did I.”
“I saw the news today.”
I cross my arms. “So did everybody else.”
“I’m going to fix it.”
“What? How?” I reply, panicked. The situation is already sticky enough!
“I’m going to come forward to the school. Tell them the drugs were mine.”
“You can’t! Then what I did would all be for nothing.”
“They’d let you come back to school,” he cries.
“St. Andrew’s might take me back, but it doesn’t matter now. My father’s campaign has gone to shit because of me. My reputation is ruined. My family is already angry and disappointed. Can you imagine how pissed off they’ll be if they find out I was covering for you? The press would be even worse if they find out I covered for a drug dealer.”
He grasps his dark curls. “I can’t live with this, Tee. I hate what the news is saying about you. It’s not true.”
“Then you should’ve said something when I got kicked out of school.”
“I fucked up. But I’m going to say something now.”
“You know what really sucks? You should’ve come forward before, because you care about me, because you love me. The only thing driving you now is your guilt.”
That shuts him up. An embarrassed flush fills his face. “I need to tell the truth.”
“And what about what I need? Isn’t this all screwed up enough? Don’t you dare mess things up with my family.”
The living room suddenly darkens; outside the window, a cloud passes over the sun. “I need to know something,” Ben says. “When your dad didn’t get you out of it, why didn’t you admit they were my pills?”
“Because I’m not a snitch.”
When he picked me up at Card House for last year’s homecoming dance, holding a pink corsage, his blue eyes were wide and excited. Now tears threaten to leak out of them. How did our relationship come to this?
“You should leave now,” I say quietly.
The antique grandfather clock strikes loudly five times.
Marina reenters the room. “Miss Taylor, Ezra just arrived.”
Jesus. Nobody has worse luck than I do.
Ezra appears in the doorway with a lazy smile. It turns into a hard scowl when he sees I’m not alone.
“Taylor,” he says, coming to my side, placing a protective hand on my shoulder, because every guy’s M.O. is to act all caveman in front of others. He lightly pecks my cheek and gives Ben a cool glare. “What is he doing here?”
I’m a little annoyed that Ezra would kiss me in front of my ex. That’s a dick move. On the other hand, I sort of enjoy seeing Ben’s face flare up in rage.
“Carmichael,” Ben says with a tilt of his chin. They weren’t in school together at the same time, since Ben didn’t start St. Andrew’s until junior year and Ezra was a freshman in college at that point, but Ezra met Ben at Easter lunch last spring when my family celebrated with the Carmichaels. That whole day was a clown show.
Mom wasn’t happy I brought Ben home, because she thought he wasn’t good enough for me. Mr. and Mrs. Carmichael ignored Ben, since they didn’t know who his parents were. Jenna flirted with him, and Oliver was happy that I was happy. Dad didn’t seem to care one way or the other, because he was upset Mom forgot to order mint jelly for the lamb.
Ezra didn’t crack a smile that entire day. He just kept stabbing his carrots and shoving them into his mouth, all the while giving Ben stink eye. After lunch, I told Ben not to worry about Ezra, referring to him as a “Cro-Magnon” (mature, yes, I know), and then Ben and I spent the rest of the afternoon making out in the basement.
Here, now, Ezra laces his fingers with mine. It’s not lost on Ben. He flinches at the sight of me holding hands with another guy.
Ben scrubs a hand through his curls. “Can we please talk in private?”
I never officially said good-bye before I had to leave St. Andrew’s, but everything has changed between us. Seeing him hurts too much. My voice cracks when I say, “You need to go.”
“Taylor, please,” Ben begs. “It wasn’t easy to get a ride here. I had to sneak off campus. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again, and we need to finish our conversation.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about,” I say.
“I’ll walk Ben out,” Ezra says. “Then we can go get dinner.”
Ben looks from me to Ezra. “Are you with him now?”
Ezra and I didn’t have the relationship talk last night. He said, “Let’s see where this goes.” To me, that means we’re exclusive, but I won’t be the first to admit it. Not today, at least. I don’t want to feel any more vulnerable than I already do. Also, I don’t want to hurt Ben. I’m not a bitch like that.
But I don’t want to hurt Ezra either. So I just stay quiet, gnawing on my lower lip, trying to decide what to say. I guess my silence is the answer.
Ben shoves his hands in his pockets. “I deserve this.”
Ezra scrunches his eyebrows together, giving me a questioning look.
“I’m sorry, Ben,” I say and turn my back as Ezra walks him out. It’s weird seeing someone I used to be so close with but who now seems so far away. Tears drip out of my eyes, making me sniffle.
When Ezra returns, he gives me a long hug. “You’re shaking. You scared I’m gonna beat you at bowling?”
“Yup, that’s totally it.” I laugh quietly, then wipe my nose with the back of my hand. So attractive.
He pushes the hair away from my forehead, focusing on the little white scar near my hairline. “I remember this. You cut it on a rock when we were playing football.”
I smile when he presses his lips to the scar.
“Can I ask you something?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Oliver told me that you and Ben broke up because you didn’t want a long-distance boyfriend. But that’s not true, is it?”
“No,” I whisper.
“What happened?”
I shake my head.
“I won’t push you…just tell me one thing: did he hurt you?”
“Physically, no. It’s that he…he wasn’t who I thought he was.”
“Did Ben give you the pills?”
I pause before responding, to play this carefully. “I needed them, Ez. To stay awake to study.”